The Truth - My Sexuality

Hi guys, not sure how to start this one really, so lets go straight for it.

This is quite confusing, even for me, so if you have problems understanding it i do apologize.


I introduced myself as bisexual at the start of my blog, and i do stand by that....for now.
Sometimes, however, i do wonder if i'm actually gay, it's really difficult trying to figure it out. I have dedicated many hours to just sit and ponder this, arguing for one case, arguing for the other. But at least i know for certain that i'm definetely not straight, so we can eliminate that one right away.

I know i definetely like guys, i have accepeted this fact for many years now, i'm happy with it, and i have accepted myself (which some say is the first step to coming out.) I don't say i'm bi to try and pretend to myself that i'm not gay, i might be, and if i am, so be it.

I do have some memories of me liking girls,
When i was about 7, i remembered liking this one girl and i would talk to her a lot but that was just a silly little playground thing. And i remember my 10th birthday party, another girl i liked kissed a friend of mine and i really had a crush on her at the time so i was quite jealous. Looking back, this might have been the moment that turned me....i think i went "Ok, if this is what happens, i'm staying away from girls, screw 'em"
I don't think i realised that at the time, but after this i was never really into girls the same way.
For a few years i didn't even care, but at 12/13, when i went to High School, i started to realise boys. I didn't think much of it at the time but over the next year or two i gradually came to accept that i wasn't straight. Of course i'm over that now and there's no going back, but i wouldn't want to anyway, i'm perfectly happy not being straight but it's just what's happening at the moment that is bothering me.

Relating back to the title of the post, the truth is :

I'm not sure.

If i had to go with anything i would say i am maybe more bi than gay but i can't give a definitive answer right now.
I definetley prefer guys over girls and i take more notice of guys when i'm in school, out of school, watching tv/movies etc. I watch some movies just becuase of the guys in them. I never do that for girls but i do sometimes see girls that i think are cute and attractive. Maybe it's the school i go to, loads of the girls are just caked with make-up and they look absolutely stupid and that just makes me turn a blind eye to them. I couldn't care the tiniest bit for them. One or two stand out, the ones that are nice, funny and don't cake themselves with make-up. However, there isn't really a girl who i ever want to go up and just start talking to, thats more guys.

For now, i'm gonna leave it.
I've said my bit and i don't feel as if i could say much more right now. I don't feel right at the minute, i just wanna post this and go lie down, this post has put me in a depressed but thinking mood.

If anyone would like to help me or if you just wanna chat don't hesitate to e-mail or add me on MSN : lets-start-over@hotmail.com
Thats where you'll find me.

Cheers,
Rowan.

P.S How do you embed photos and youtube videos in a post? :S
I know how to link them but thats it.... Muse - Blackout