And in the End...

I can only be honest with this because there's really no other to say it; this is my final blog post.

Some people have hinted towards it in comments on recent posts but many more have said time and time again that they wish I continue so trust me, this isn't a decision I've taken lightly despite being pretty much set on it now for couple of months. 

I think I've only made about 10 posts since the start of the year and it must have been after a post in March or April that I realised it was time to call it a day.

The blog was and continued to simply drift along, just sitting there, rarely used, rarely touched but I didn't want to see it just wither away into nothing. I have too much love and attachment still to let that happen and it would be insulting and unfair to people who do continue to read it. 

I've simply not been able to give it what it deserves and with venturing off to university, finding a job and facing whatever lies ahead I'd only be giving it even less so before all that comes rushing towards me, we've ended up here at my last post, fittingly my 250th - I've always said I'm someone who enjoys exhibition and putting on a spectacle :P

I think what I'm feeling now is something all (or most) blog owners feel eventually - at least I imagine most do, it's only natural - simply not finding it as alluring as they once did.

Don't get me wrong, I still love visitors and followers and I still enjoy comments and all but... posting doesn't interest me as much these days.

To coin the old cliché; it's not you, it's me :P

I've never considered for one moment to remove or delete however. Not for a second. What's in these 250 posts and (thanks to the new Blogger system for showing) 1698 comments, for me, is like an online diary. I love and cherish it. This blog will remain open to anyone and everyone.

Unless I'm forced to delete it in some unimaginable emergency or if the internet blows up, it's staying right here.

Keeping it open also fulfils yet another purpose of the blog - to help people.

I can't say for sure if I ever have - I certainly hope I have - but this way it retains an everlasting purpose... hopefully.

I know I've certainly been helped. I could go into detail about how and when and where but then I'd simply just be rabbiting on like I've done many a time and which I kinda did in my last post...

Just know that blogging has helped me, and if you've been following me for however long, you probably have as well. Another thing I've always loved about it.

It's helped me from a scared, little homosexual boy to a... braver (?), open homosexual guy! haha

It's also helped my internet grammar and punctuation ;D
Oh, I remember the days of never using capital I's and never bothering with full stops and the likes - just looking back at my first post!
I've become a much better typist \o/

But in all seriousness, despite some of the drama that's gone with blog, I would say that starting it is one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I wouldn't be who I am, perhaps not even where I am (and I do sincerely mean that), without it and all the people who have come and gone in that time. All the love and well-wishes and advice I've received... I'm forever grateful and I'll never forget it. I hope I've been good at sharing out my portion of it as well.

Lastly, like the blog, my email address won't be getting deleted either so feel free to contact me at any time. Please, don't be a stranger because you're not :)

lets-start-over@hotmail.com

I wasn't sure how to end a post of this nature but now I'd like to with a little announcement - one, final spectacle for you.

This, as I said is my 250th post but it has also been made, typed and posted on the day and date of my 18th birthday :)

Thank you for everything, everyone. I truly can't express it enough.

Love, 

Rowan <3



"The love you take is equal to the love you make" - The Beatles

Out to All

It's been a very busy few days indeed. With the exception of last night, I haven't slept well since Wednesday.

Thursday night I was really excited for PROMetheus so I only got a few hours sleep.

Really enjoyed the film, though.

Prom was... ok. Not quite my gig but at least I got to look amazing in my suit.

Though afterwards, we all went back to Melly's and got considerably drunk.

Next day, I stayed at Nicholas' house because he's just round the corner and the day after that, yesterday now, there was another party!

By this time, I was drained from the past few days, only had a few drinks and got an early taxi home.

I usually stay when he throws a party but not this time.

Just bringing you up to speed but now to the all important bit...

After seeing Prometheus on Friday, I thought it would be a good idea to go back and watch all the Alien films. My brother, who is younger to clear confusion, heard I was doing it and wanted in as well.

Must have started about 11am and finished at 8 or something. It was getting tedious towards the end. 3 and Resurrection are pretty crap.

But it was at the end of Resurrection that the thought came to me that it would be a good time to just say to my brother so indeed I did.

I waited until it finished, basically sat there and said, "I've got something to tell you", with that usual nervous feeling you get during these situations.

"Mhmmm"

"... I like guys"

"... Ok, that's fine"

Then I told him I'd wanted to say for a while coz he's my brother, I trust him and thought it would be good for him to know before I turned 18 but I've been gauging a reaction.

I think I almost offended him because he went, "Pfff, me? Nah, no way. Doesn't matter to me"

But then he told me he'd heard something about it before from a friend of his at school who has a brother in my year. Seemingly, news spread to this guys' brother who passed it on and news filtered through to my brother. 

I don't really care but jeez.

Anyway, I suppose it's better for me to tell my brother up front than have him hearing little bits and pieces of gossip flying about the place.

But at the end of the day, there we have it; what is probably my final big coming out :)

I've come quite a long way, looking back. Lauren, mum, dad, Josh, Melly, friends, my brother - That's the order.

I do have a younger sister but I don't think it'll be quite the same. I hope with her, she'll just come to understand as she gets older.

I don't want to get up on my high horse and get all dramatic about this (though I've never been great at avoiding that) but I would never have had the confidence without this blog which has seen and recorded every single time I've came out to someone. Now there's something.

Gaining confidence to tell all these people has been the one of, if not the main purpose from the very first post and now that purpose feels fulfilled.

 

No one knew when I started this blog, but now... pretty much everyone knows and I do have one of the oddest senses of achievement from it.

I can only say how much it means to have had people here to share it all with and help me through it.

Rowan <3

Oh, Brother

Recently I've been thinking a lot about coming out to my brother. Well, I've thought about it for months but more so in the past few days.

I'd like to get it out the way before I'm 18. That way, he knows and so do my parents and I think it would do me good peace of mind.


I don't think he'd have any problem with it. I often walk into his room and he's watching clips of The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. I mean how more liberal does it get? :P

And he's not even American of course.

Then there was the other week after Obama came out in support of same-sex marriage (praise the man) that my brother went, "Obama is such a legend"

I've often wondered if he was gay! No, I kid. I actually quite doubt it.

Also, I fear that my parents wouldn't be able to handle two gay kids... idk I'm getting off-topic now.

Back on-topic: I want to tell my brother because obviously, he's my brother and I trust him a lot and he doesn't deserve it to be kept from him.

I think it would be fine and I'd hope so. I've never actually had a bad coming out experience.

Scratch that, I've never had a coming out experience where the other person acted displeased. Coming out to my mum was honestly not something I'd want to go through again but how and ever.


Also, today is a really big day. One I've dubbed "PROMetheus" because my most anticipated film of the year - Prometheus - is released and later today I have my prom.

I'm going to see Prometheus with my brother actually, and perhaps a few other people. Literally leaving after this.

Prom is later. A British prom isn't quite like an American one I think. It's not really "bring a date" unless you really wanted to. It's more just one last big social gathering of the school year group so I'm quite forward to it :)

One last big hurrah.


Anyway, of course I'll post any news with regards to my brother but I have to dash now for Prometheus. Cannot wait.


Rowan <3