Quick Update

Hi guys, sorry i haven't posted recently, it's been busy and trying to do it on my ipod touch is waaaay too tricky.

This is just a little update on goings-on.

Family reunion at the weekend was epic apart from one upset but i'm not going to go into it right now.

If you wanna read more about the reunion i know Lauren is posting her day by day account of it. I would as well but i don't have a secure computer to use.

I'm gonna get a notepad so i dont forget any important stuff that happens then post about it when i get back.


Back from where?


Well, im still in London just now, at my aunt and uncle's house but just one hour ago my mum booked a week away to Lanzarote for herself, me and my sister. \o/

We are leaving tomorrow morning and coming back next Friday. I didn't get much of a say in where we went, i literally woke up and was told that we were going to Lanzarote. I like it there, i've been before but to be perfectly honest, i would have liked to go somewhere new. Also, i fear that it might get a bit boring because my brother wont be there. Usually on holiday, we have loads of fun together but it's only going to be my mum and sister this time round. Hopefully, there'll be a few other people around that i can get friendly with, i'm not the most sociable person in the world but i certainly don't want to be sitting around on my own for a week. 

That's really all i've got to say just now, don't think i'll be blogging until at least next Friday so here is me saying cheerio again and have a good time wherever you are :)


Hugs,
Rowan

Summer Plans :D

Hey you crazy lot! This is gonna be the last time i am able to post for about 2 weeks i think...

I'm away on hoilday!


Today has been pretty hectic in the house - Steven was over (gulp) coz he had to fix a problem with my ipod (GULP) but thankfully it went ok, in the sense that he never found or seen anything but we didn't get the ipod properly fixed.

I"m not too bothered, all it means is that it isn't jailbroken but i can live with that.

After he left everyone has just been packing like mad here today, it's been mental. People have been running around doing all sorts of errands, dropping the pets off at different people's houses for while we're away and cleaning... and... general busyness.


Anyway, it's late now coz i've been busy all day but i thought i should share with you my plans for this summer :)



Firstly, as you probably know by now (coz i keep talking about it) i will be going off to London for a big family reunion. ^_^

The centre-piece of this event is actually one of my cousins's 21st birthday and there will be a big party on Saturday.

That will be great, but so will getting to see everybody else. I haven't seen my cousins, aunts and uncles for about 3/4 years now and they're a great bunch, i love the family sense of humour especially and simply i just cant wait to see everyone.

So yeh, we will be arriving in London on Thursay night but we are spending a day in Liverpool tomorrow then travelling to London the on Thursday morning, by car.

Don't think Lauren is getting to London until Friday night tho coz she is still in school unfortunately.

But one of the thing that makes this trip so exciting is that our cousin who's 21st it is, doesn't know that the whole family is coming, we're just surprising her on the day and there will be a party on Saturday!


Anyhoo, that's part 1 :D


Part 2 :

On Monday, after everyone has departed, we will still be in London and will hopefully be jetting off to some exotic unknown land on a last minute deal.

Yep, just catching a plane to anywhere, so i don't even know exactly where we're going yet.

It might also just be me, my mum and sister but if we can include my brother and dad as well then that will be cool. It's only coz they went on holiday earlier in the year by themselves and they don't mind staying in London for a week or so. They're taking all their golf stuff with them and i think if they can't come with us they will just be staying in a caravan somewhere, they dont seem to bothered, after all, it is only fair.


Recap :

June 24th - June 28th = Liverpool/London
June 28th - July 5-7th = Unknown destination in Europe somehwere :P


And when i get back i plan to change this blog design and link some more blogs, i got round to a fair bit last night but there are still loads of blogs out there. Remember, the more links, the more traffic there is for everyone, this isn't just personal gain :)


Unfortunately, it looks like this will be my last post until maybe 5th July at the earliest. However, if i can get on a computer somewhere or get a good wi-fi spot then i will try to post some but i cant promise anything.


And with that, i bid you farewell, au revoir, hasta la vista, auf wiedersehen ,adeus, وداعا

Okay, i'll stop now, just messing with translation websites... ha det (sorry couldn't resist)

Love all you guys, you will be missed, speak to you all soon :')


Love and hugs,
Rowan


Gonna leave you with a few tunes :







Lovin' Biffy right now :D




And this because it is appropriate :P


P.S My poll is going pretty much the way i thought it would, keep those votes coming!


See you guys soon!

School's Out!!!

I have finally crossed the finishing line!

What a year it's been for school and it's one i'm not going to forget coz of course, i joined blogger here during my 4th year of high school.

A lot has happened since then. One of my first posts talked about how i was beat up by two boys on my bus, another was about how i hate my guidance teacher. Loads of stuff about prelims, exams and all that but i don't want to talk about it anymore, thats all the bad stuff.

The good stuff was really good. Firstly, joining blogger here back in September, being embraced by the lovely folks here, how epic Christmas was, JJ joining us on blogger (Rhyn following suit), coming out to my cousin in the same month, meeting loads of other great people too and now we're here. Summer :D

I'm not gonna bore you with the details of my day, all i'll say was it was good but agonisingly long.


Anyway, it honestly does feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I can be my true gay self for the next 7 weeks and not have to worry about being my lying straight self or having to sit and endure immature bullshit day in day out.

School was tough and a quite a struggle this year and i don't think i could have coped as well as i have done if it wasn't for the all help and support from you guys. All your comments, emails, everything have helped me greatly and i owe you guys a lot. I am indebted to you and i love you so much so here's a little cliche tune for all of you...


Love and hugs,
Rowan




C'mon, i couldn't not post that! :P

Almost There...

(I'll explain later lol)

Only one more day of school left! Woot

Tomorrow at 3:30pm, the word "school" officially becomes the worst and most offensive word in my vocabulary for 7 weeks. It's already pretty high up there already, mind :P

Anyway, before we think about the future we must deal with today's events and it was eventful today if not overloaded, busy, kinda fun and a little stressful.

I say stressful but throughout the course of the day, i did have the pleasure of wathcing two movies. English was a double period and we watched The Great Gatsby (BOOORING!!!) and me and Alex just sat up the back making jokes throughout it. I'll get onto my other movie later...

Never got my essay back in English either coz our normal teacher wasn't in. Hopefully tomorrow.

I talked to my guidance teacher about a thing called Education Maintenance Allowance (EMA) which means next year i could possibly receive money monthly, i think, for simply going to school but i need to look into it more. It all depends on the family's income and certain other crap like that but i still think the possibility is very awesome XD

Right, as for my tests in French and Spanish, they all went rather well. I did my Spanish speaking and got 10/10, French writing (although i wont get the mark back for tht coz i don't have French tomorrow) and French speaking where i got 8/10.

Reason being, and both my Spanish and French teachers commented on this - i speak too fast. :P

I'll take the 8/10 thought even if i would have prefered the 10 of course and the Spanish writing i didn't get to sit today so i will have to do that tomorrow :/

Anyway, suppose you're interested to hear about this other movie ^_^

Little Miss Sunshine. It is such a great movie!

We only got to watch 30 mins of it in Media (although i watched the rest at home) and i found it hilarious and... well... the picture at the top of the page... yeh :

Paul Dano. OMG i love him so much! (He's also in L.I.E)

We watched some of Little Miss Sunshine in Media and there is someone in my Media class who i haven't mentioned yet. He's in the year above and he is in our class and he is oh so very cute indeed XD

He's called Samuel (just coz i like that name) and normally i don't sit anywhere near him but because not many people were in i used the old "oh miss, i can't see the board too well up the back here" and she moved me behind him. I was spoilt for choice watching the movie, didn't know who to keep my eyes on - Samuel or Paul Dano :P

In the end i stared at Samuel while Paul Dano wasn't on screen, worked well :D

Samuel also sets off my gaydar :)

He's got obviously very styled and carefully looked after light brown hair, one side of his fringe hangs longer than the other. Also i dunno if i'm speculating too much but he seemed very eager to laugh at all the parts that Paul Dano appeared in... and (in reference to my glasses post) he also looks great when he puts his glasses on!

I suppose my day wasn't too bad on the whole, just could have been better i think. At least it wasn't as bad as last Monday. O_O

Only tomorrow to go and then i am FREEEEEEEE!!!!!

I've been waiting for tomorrow for a *very* long time, in fact, i suppose you could say this week.

Anyway, i've added my poll now (first ever would you believe!) and it's in the sidebar under the followers tab replacing my Formspring section which nobody seemed to use :(

(I'll put it back up though if requested)

The poll is  - vote on your favourite artist of whom i have posted on my blog?

It's gonna stay up for a few weeks or until i decide to end it, coz i'm going away soon and don't know the exact date i'll be back.

And before you ask, The Beatles aren't on there coz i have only posted 2 songs by them! Regardless, i think i see a clear cut winner :P

That's all for the moment :)

Hugs,

Rowan

Two More Days...

Can i survive? O_O


Yes, of course i can, it's just gonna be difficult is all. In fact, only tomorrow looks like it will be difficult. Tuesday looks like it should be ok.

If i get any homework tomorrow that is due for Tuesday i'll be ragin'!!!

:P

Tomorrow is gonna be difficult coz i have speaking and writing tests in both Spanish and French. Ugh.

I've spent quite a chunk of my weekend looking over them, learning them off by heart and it's been quite a struggle coz they are the effectively the same essay but in two different laguages.

Suppose it's good to experience some of what is to come now so i don't get too shocked when i return back after summer.

At least i've been able to do some of my revision outside in my garden over the weekend, it's been real sunny here the past couple of days :D

Spent most of my time in the garden either looking at school stuff or playing on the trampoline with my brother and sister.

Haven't spent so much time with them in a while and i've also noticed that my brother tends to use the words "gay" and "fag" an awful lot than i ever thought he did...


So does my sister *cries*

It's my fecking brother that's got her into saying it, she doesn't even know what it means. He is too much of an influence on her. She hears him say it and she thinks it's ok.

E.g today she called me "a gay bastard"

:'(

She is 9 for fucks sake!

It really upset me when she said that. Tbh i was quite devastated, i just froze and shook my head in disbelief.

It isn't easy talking to a 9 year old about stuff like that but i will tell her at some point that it isn't acceptable to say things like that, hope she understands.


So apart from that dampner today, the weekend has been fairly enjoyable just tomorrow that will be a pain in the ass but i'll get through it. Somehow...

The fact that Steven wont be in this week helps. Dunno why he isn't in but i'm not gonna complain. Well maybe i will a little coz that means there will be no iPhone deal this week and probably not for a few weeks in that case.

Ho hum.


Thanks for your comments and experiences with glasses and contact lenses. I still haven't mentioned it to my mum but as i said, over the summer is probably the best time. I can wait for now :)

Also, erm, im thinking of doing some stuff with my blog.

Don't worry, nothing drastic but i'm kinda getting bored looking at the same thing all the time. I'm thinking a new template but same colour perhaps, i'll try not to make the change too... changey. I don't really like change when i get used to something but i think i need to separate the main body of text from the sidebar. Make them different colours or something or else it looks a bit jumbled (it does to me at least :P)

And i am going to add a poll too, ive got an idea in mind so look out for a poll in the coming days. It should be something music orientated.

Anyhoo, that's about all for now. Must do a bit more revision and then get some sleep for my busy day ahead tomorrow.

<3

Hugs,
Rowan


PS Anton, i've added your blog to my links. Guys, if you haven't seen Anton's blog yet (somehow) go check it out! - http://antonshaus.blogspot.com/

Glasses and Contact Lenses

For as long as i can remember i must have always had bad eye sight. (Yes i have glasses, sexy glasses :P)

It wasn't until i was about 11 though that something was done about it, you see, i never actually knew my eye-sight was bad for 11 years, i simply thought that is what everybody elses must have been like lol

Anyhoo, I remember being in my last year of primary school and the whole class were getting their eyes tested for some reason. I got handed a leaflet after my test was done and i was one of the select few to walk back into class with a leaflet so i felt kinda scared.

I seriously didn't want glasses. There were not many people in my class with specs so i really wanted nothing to do with them.

Anyway, a few weeks later i went to an opticians for another test and then walked out with a pair of glasses :/

I got home and sat them on a table and stared at them, hating them... I then cried coz i had glasses and was expected to wear them.

Mum came in and started with the "oh, look at all the celebs who have glasses, it'll be fine"

So, i gave it a shot and eventually got used to wearing them a bit more, only for stuff like watching tv etc. (it is short-sightedness i am plagued by) :P

I wasn't ever brave enough to wear them in front of others at school though but i knew my time was running out coz i could never read the blackboard so one day i put them on in class and i got "oh, cool you have glasses, since when?" kinda stuff and it was no hassle.

That made me a bit more comfortable wearing them and ever since then i have had no problems about what people think. That is what i was scared of at first, getting called names or being bullied for having them but nothing ever came of it I probably should wear them all the time but i only wear them at home watching tv and at school reading the board. I don't wear them when i'm sitting in front of my computer, typing or if i'm out and about places.

But why am i telling you this?


Coz I really want contact lenses!!!

I am ok with wearing glasses but i just find them annoying now. I absolutely hate not being able to read far away things like signposts and stuff, just irks me completely.

It has for a while. In fact, it was about this time last year that i mentioned to my mum about contact lenses for the first time. Nothing was done for a while but i soon got an appointement at the opticians to try contact lenses.

It went well.

The guy managed to get them in and everything was great. Until... the price of it all was revealed.

I don't know exactly but my mum just said we couldn't afford it at the time and that was it. I cried again.

It hasn't been mentioned for a while but not long ago i went to the the opticians, a different one this time, for a contact lenses appointment and this new guy couldn't get them in my eyes.

He put it down to my reflexes which i think is true but it left me wondering how the other optician did it without any hassle...

*sigh*

Glasses are really annoying me, i know i should wear them all the time to avoid squinting and stuff that might damage my eye-sight further but i am getting to the point where i hate wearing them completely.

So, soon (probably after we come back from London) i am going to say to my mum again and get her to give me another shot at contact lenses. I want them badly. I honestly think it would make me a lot happier coz i don't like seeing myself in glasses (sexy tho they are) :P

I'm not saying people with glasses can't be attractive or good-looking but that's the way they make me feel about myself. I'm sure there are plenty of lovely looking people with glasses out there but i would just prefer not to have them.


This was a pretty random post but i realised it was something you guys didn't know about me yet so thought i would talk about it, hope it was somewhat enjoyable...

I'll try and think of more stuff to post that maybe you don't know about me, or you could always ask me something in a comment, i'd be happy to answer :)

Also want to add a poll about something coz i havent ever done one. I can't think of anything right now to make a poll about but i have all summer to think of something

XD



Hugs,
Rowan

End of This (crap) Week

So ends this long and awful week, about time too, this week has seemed to be completely endless.

School, general crap, 2 of my best friends leaving their blogs, it has not been a good first full week of being 16, i'll tell you that.

But on a slightly more postitive note, today was a bit better, although before i go any further i have a confession to make.

Please don't kill me

I, erm... deliberately skipped 1st period of school this morning.

I know, i shouldn't have but i woke up this morning in a really shitty mood, the thought came into my head and i just went with it. Dunno why, not responsible of me, i know.

I headed the same direction as i do to get the bus but took a detour to the train station, intentionally missed the first train and got the second, i also met someone else skipping 1st period although i don't know him too well.

Anyway, the reason i did it : i just couldn't handle a double period of Spanish, honestly, i couldn't have.

But as it was a double period, i walked in at the end of 1st and got there for the start of 2nd, sat a stupid little verb test which went fine and that was it, no questions asked.

Don't be angry at me guys, i don't skip school often but today was just one of those days. This week was just one of those weeks.

After Spanish tho, things got a bit better, we finished watching a Hitchcock film in Media (Rear Window, surprisingly enjoyable) and a similar verb test in French went well.

Music was the best tho.

We were forced to watch the stupid school play firstly, which is awful but then me and another friend (erm... Stuart) snuck back into the music rooms and messed about on the instruments, jamming. It was so fun. Played some Muse, he was on drums i was on bass. We played fully through a song called Assassin and it was so fun.

The inspiration to be in a band still hasn't struck me however :/

But anyway, that was good, little bit of rebellion never done any harm, (not true but it didn't today) a few people also said they heard us from the English corridor and it sounded good, that was cool.

Only 2 more days left of school XD

And only 7, no 6 days now, as i write this, until i get to see all my family. Can't wait!

Weight of the world is gonna be lifted off my shoulders at 3:30pm on Tuesday afternoon. Monday will be a bitch of a day tho. Got tests in both French and Spanish, speaking and writing.

Evil languages *shakes fist*. They will be the death of me next year.

Gotta revise full notes and re-write stuff over the weekend (fun fun fun) and i will also hopefully be getting my English essay back on Monday. Quite apprehensive about it, i spent quite a lot of time on it so i sincerely hope that i get some good feedback.

Will keep you guys posted.

This is the start of it :

Come As You Are

"I'd rather be hated for who i am than loved for who i'm not"

                                                      - Kurt Donald Cobain

And that's all you're getting just now :P

Lol, i know, im such a tease but i will decide when i get it back whether to post it all or not.

The only thing wrong with it is that there is a word limit and mine is way over that. Supposed to be maximum 1300 but i'm away at about 1800 and that's after cutting out a whole chunk!

So we'll see, i'm not promising i will post it.

...

I almost lost what has become one of my most prized possessions today.

I never really went into much detail about my birthday and i'm still not going to but one thing i did get (im only mentioning this coz it is rather noteworthy, to me anyway) was a special Muse necklace/chain.

Who from?

Only my dear cousin Lauren :P

I havent taken it off since June 10th, except from the obvious showering etc. and i took it off for that same reason today. I forgot to lift it for some reason when i came out the bathroom and then i froze "where is it!?"

Nearly had a panic attack, honestly. I've grown really attached to it. But where did it end up?

In my jeans pocket *facepalms*

Which btw, nearly went in the washing machine. Don't think it would have quite looked the same had it gone in there. Here's what it really looks like :

It's really cool and now goes wherever i go :)

But yeh, so relieved i found it, would have summed up a crap week had i lost it.

And as for that crap week, well, it's been hellish but i just need to put it behind me simply. Get Monday out the way, Tuesday shouldn't be too strenuous and then i'm done finished for 6 weeks of rebellion and debauchery!

Jk, but summer should be epic!

Anyhooz, i've wrote a lot more than i thought i was going to and now i is very very tired so i'm heading off to bed now!

Cheers guys

Hugs,

Rowan

Improvement? Dunno

What is improvement really? Obviously, if things get better, that is improvement but how much are we talking here?
Lots?
Just a little?

I suppose in my case it's the latter, i wasn't expecting things to improve immense overnight and they haven't really. Writing that post the other night made me feel a bit better and talking to other people about things helped too. But there hasn't really been much of a change in school. The workload is still the same, the pace is still the same, the morons haven't changed their ways, obviously.

That's just something i'm going to have to learn to deal with, coz that is what next year, after the summer will consist of.
Although Steven is leaving halfway through, his presence will still be somewhat irksome.
But get this. Today, Steven offered for me to buy his iPhone. Just like back at the start of the year at a reduced price - only 100 pounds.

Where does this generosity come from?
I know, we've been through this, Steven is a very confusing character but i just dunno....
And this isn't an option i think i'm gonna turn down, i mean 100 quid for an iPhone doesn't come around often.
This is the Steven i like!
Why can't he be more like that all the time?

And then when i get an offer like this i feel bad that i can't wait to see the back of him.

It's another thing that troubles me a lot, something i didn't address on my last post : my relationship with Steven.

It's just confusing.
Even when he leaves school i wont be entirely rid of him, only in school of course, im sure he will still be around outwith there at weekends and the likes.

Well anyway, away from all that, the offer for his iPhone cheered me up today, i must admit it is really cool of him.
(dont hate me) :P

Something else that improved my current mood are English and Media classes. Media, the teacher is really funny and probably the best teacher i have right now, so that class is always something to look forward to. And for English, a few posts back i mentioned we were writing a story. It's coming on quite well, i enjoy writing (never thought i would) but it's not without it's difficulties. We have a word limit and mine is way over it, so editing and condensing will be a pain. Also, i had to cut out a full section of my story and even with that gone i still need to edit it.
I hand it in tomorrow and if it's good i might post it on here, no promises tho, it's also quite a dark story, the teacher will think im a loony or something. A brief outline is that it's about a guy who isn't being himself after the death of his mother and is acting out, not being who he really is and the consequence(s) of that.

Believe me, it's dark O.o

Just thought i'd mention all that school stuff but with regards to my last post, thanks for all your comments, i read all of them, some a few times and they pretty much all said good things so thank you for that, your comments don't go unnoticed btw, i read every single one :)

I know im only 16 and i have loads of time to tell whoever i choose that i'm gay but keeping it a secret has just been getting to me lately. It's not good to keep things bottled up, it really does annoy me. Doesn't make things easier when all i hear everyday is talk about eradicting all gay existence and general crap :/
It just all came to a stand-still on Monday and i couldn't take it anymore so for anyone in particular that i may have upset im sorry, it all just came pouring out. This hasn't been a very good week so i'm sorry if i got on anyone's bad side.

I am a lot more composed now than i was on Monday tho, i have sat down and thought about things more rationally. All this crap is gonna come and hit me and i think it's only natural for me to get very fed up with it from time to time. There's not a lot i can do, as one person, to influence people's stupidity or ignorance, that's something they have to do for themselves so until they do change their views i just have to deal with it.
I have to develop a thick skin. Thought i had one already, just obviously not thick enough.

At the end of the day, and im thinking in terms of the bigger picture here ; when i finish high school completely, things will be much better. I will go wherever i go, be it college or university and i know that people there will not be like the people in high school. They'll be older and more mature for a start, and there will also be a more diverse group of people there, more open and accepting.
Things will get gradually better.
Christmas : Steven will leave, no more of his crap at school.
Next summer : More morons will drop out of school, increasing the number of us intellectuals 8-B
The summer after : No more high school, i can move on, be with smarter people and further my education.

Long term targets, yes, but realistic ones.
And i think that's what you gotta do, set yourself goals or else you are wandering aimlessly, not knowing what to do and where to go.
But im getting some ideas in my head now starting with those targets, and they're only the school ones, there will still be lots of others down the road.

Short term (not so much targets) : Family reunion next week and Muse at Wembley in September, two things i'm sure i will enjoy

Thought i'd end on a more positive note this time round :)


Hugs,
Rowan

I'm So Fucking Fed Up With School

Grrr, this is an angry post >:(

School has been extremely stressing lately. Honestly, after the exams i expected these 3 weeks before summer to be a slightly more chilling period.

Fuck that.

It's been absolutely non-stop work, homework, tests etc.
It's the languages that are the toughest. Spanish and French follow the same timetable so i am effectively following the same course in two different laguages. And, what's more, they don't consider each other when it comes to tests, my French and Spanish tests (on the last week before summer!) are on the same day, so i will have two lots of things to remember next Monday and Wednesday, not to mention the learning process that is involved there.

I've also come to the conclusion that my Spanish teacher is a bitch. She honestly doesn't care, she just throws the work at us and expects it to be done. I've also grown to hate her voice already and i've only known her for a week.
There are the good little things like Music and Media, i have new teachers in them and they're great but it's hard to focus on the good when there is so much bad.

What else is bad?

The usual i suppose. Steven's shit, other people's shit, everyone's shit.
I am fucking sick of it.

E.g This morning : I went to go sit at the table everyone was sitting at and i didn't sit beside him so he gives me a strange look and i just said "What, do you need to be with me every fucking minute of the day!?"
"Fine then, go sit at the gay side of the table, ya poof"
I know it was just an immature comment but i couldn't be bothered with him at all, i politely gave him the finger and told him to fuck off.

Another thing that's not school related is something else i've been thinking about a lot.
The old gem of coming out.

Next week (11 days) exactly i will be attending a big family reunion and i am really looking forward to it but i can see the questions coming from uncles and perhaps other cousins saying "Where's the girlfriend?" and such comments.
I just don't want to think about stuff like that but i can just see it happening, im 16 now, i should have a girlfriend.... apparently.
So naturally, such questions are expected.
Answers are probably expected by those asking the questions too.

So, i too, like JJ, ask the question "Why can't things be normal?"
I wish i knew, i do kinda but it's nothing new, just people's small-mindedness etc.
Anyway, i said ive been thinking a lot about coming out lately and i have been.
I dunno what it is, maybe being 16 has told me to get a grip, man up and do it, i've thought about it multiple times recently, i almost actually told my parents recently as well.
Something happened in the kitchen, me, mum and dad were having a bit of a laugh then dad says one of his usual ignorant comments, i don't know how it came about but it was something like "Yeh, a gay would do that"
And i was so ready to say "Yeah i know, i am gay"
All that isn't entirely accurate but i hope it's close enough for you to understand the point.

*sigh*

I just can't wait for summer, 7 more school days and i'm away. No more school....

But this is what's troubling me right now :

I'm sick of school.
I'm sick of everyone's bullshit.
And i'm sick of being in the fucking closet to virtually everyone in my life.


Sorry guys, i just needed to get all that off my chest :(


Hugs,
Rowan

What's Going On Just Now

Hey guys, i thought i would share this picture DJ drew of me a few days ago. You may have seen it, he put it on his blog.
I think it's a really good drawing, i have never had someone draw me before.
The picture the drawing is based on is about 6 months old and i would say i look a little different now (longer hair etc.) but i still think this is a pretty accurate representation. I love the inclusion of the bass as well, that was a really good and thoughtful idea, i love it. Thanks a lot DJ, the whole drawing is so cool in my opinion!

So, the World Cup has started. A certain big match is taking place this evening, that is England vs USA, but before anyone says anything, i am not supporting England in the tournament, i never have and never will. For the past two tournaments i have actually supported France and i am again this year even though they are crap. There are a few other matches on today that i would like to watch but i go a lot of homework to do. It's disgraceful really, back for one week after exams and it's getting piled on us. It's mostly the languages though, French and Spanish are following the same course at exactly the same time so trying to juggle the two at the same time is going to be really hard going next year, it already is.
So yeh, i have a load of French and Spanish homework but i also have this interesting English piece. We've been working on our own writing our own stories over the past few days in class and i think it's actually quite fun. There is the option between a reflective piece of writing, an imaginative piece or a combination of the two. Mine is purely imaginative and i must say, it's pretty dark. I haven't finished it yet but i already know it's going to be quite tragic and gloomy.
I'm not the best writer but if the feedback from my teacher is good i might post it on here, we'll see.

Anyway, all this homework will be out the way soon, only 8 or 9 school days left for me i think and only 13 days until the big family reunion that i have been waiting so long for, which brings me to another point. Lauren and I were discussing and we would like to do something which shows that we were there. Obviously, a picture (but not of the face) is a good idea, but a picture of what?
In fact, maybe not a picture, so if anyone can think of another good suggestion then feel free coz we both don't really have any good ideas right now :P

That's all that is really going on right now, haha


Hugs,
Rowan


Today's musical selection comes from Scottish rock band Biffy Clyro who i thought i would check out coz they have been announced as one of the support acts for when i go to see Muse at Wembley. My favourite song is called Bubbles, it's the big single off their new album but they have 5 albums total and there are some pretty good songs on all of them. Here is Bubbles, hope you like it :)

New Timetable + New Classes

I returned back to school on Monday for the start of my 5th year in high school. Just the way it works here, so we can get a head start on some of our work and also so we can adapt to our new timetables.
I'm only posting this on Wednesday now coz i myself wanted to see how things went before i commented.

To be honest, it's all rather mixed, there are good points and bad points. I love my English class, Louis and Alex are in it. There is also no change from last year in the respect that there is still a hot guy in my class to stare at :D
Not in the same class as Alan tho. In fact, our timetables are so completely different we're not in any of the same classes apart from PE :/

Classes i don't like so far would be French and Spanish. It's gonna be difficult learning two languages at the same time if the pace of both classes already are anything to go by.
Got homework for both of them after i finish this post. The classes themselves for both of them are pretty awful. In French i sit beside virtually the only person i know in the class, she's nice and we can help each other so thats good at least. As for Spanish, there are 16 girls and 3 boys (one of who is in New York just now, so there is only 2 of us)
Luckily i sit next to him but it honestly feels so isolated. The teacher is decent, especially as everyone we would be getting some other teacher who everyone hates, instead we got a younger teacher and she's from Ireland. She is nice but has a totally no-nonsense attitude.
I got a new teacher for Media too, again, there are only 3 boys but there are only 6 girls, its a very small class.
It looks like it will be quite tough too.
Lastly, new music teacher as well (ive just realised tht i have kept none of my previous teachers) and the same hot guy from my english class is in my music one too. Got some good other friends in the class also and although i really would have liked to keep my old music teacher, it and English are pretty much the only subjects i have no complaints about.

We have the regular PSHE, RE and PE classes, (still to do RE actually, that will be tomorrow) so that means that i cant avoid Steven unfortunately. I've managed to swerve sitting beside him in PSHE but he is still too close for my liking.

Oh, and double periods have been introduced, they last a total of 100 miuntes and they are utter hell.

Anyway, just thought i'd fill you in on all thats new etc. and also let you know that the teachers, even though the exams only finished last Friday, really aren't taking it easy on us. They all say this year is going to be a lot tougher than the previous one, they also like to remind us that "the next few weeks before summer are not a time to relax."

Thanks for that.

After scaling one wall over the past few months, a fresh, taller one has now been put in our way.

C'est la vie!


Hugs,
Rowan

Spanish Exam and More Cinema

Meant to post this yesterday but didn't for some reason.

Anyway, my exams are now over and i feel a sense of freedom somewhat. I will feel a greater sense of that in a few weeks coz i am back to school for the start of a new year on Monday. It will be a taster as to what my 5th year in high school will be like.

But that's Monday, my final exam (Spanish) was yesterday and it went pretty much without any problems. Louis gave me a lift to school and we went into the exam room feeling pretty confident and rightly so. The reading was easy, the writing was easy, only the listening proved a little difficult but Louis and I both feel confident of getting an A.

After it, there was a big meet-up of quite a number of people in the year for playing football and lazing around on the grassy area not far from the school. It was great, and one of the hottest days of the year so far. It wasn't hot when i left the house so i didn't pack shorts. Whoops. )I did get a little burnt tho, bit of colour in me hehe)
Apart from that it was great fun, just being with friends, having fun, celebrating the end of the exams. Steven wasn't even there!

He wasn't around today either! I got invited to the cinema again and without hesitation i accepted that invite. Alan was there, Louis was there, Alex was there and so were a few other people.
It was quite funny, i said to Alex i would meet him at his house and we would go down to the train station together. When i got to his house he invited me in for a game of football on his ps3, which, in the end, caused us to miss our train :P
We were just rounding the corner to the train station and we seen the train sitting there with the doors open, we ran full pelt to it but two seconds before we got to the doors, they closed and the train pulled away.
Since it didn't matter too much, we laughed about it, the next train wasn't long after that thankfully.
So yeah, we caught the next train and Alan got on this one too, sat beside him again :D
There were 7 of us today as opposed to 5 on Thursday but it was all good, great fun.
Like last time, i wasn't bothered about what we seen and it ended up being what we didn't see the other day - Prince of Persia, starring....Jake Gyllenhall, who also starred in....Brokeback Mountain :P
The cinema was a lot busier tho, so the 7 of us got a bit split up looking for seats, i didn't get to sit beside Alan again (one of these days i will!!!)

I thought the film was ok, although others said it was crap. As i said, im not bothered, i watch quite a lot of films so it would have to be really crap for me not to sit through one. I think i enjoyed The Losers more tho.
After the film, everyone just walked around town for a bit again, went into a few music stores and caught the train home. Another enjoyable day out i would say.

The past few days have been surprisingly social for me to be honest, its not often i got into town twice in a week and i have done twice in the past 3 days.
Just relaxing a little now my exams are over i suppose and what better way to celebrate than being with your friends?
I also want to thank all you guys for your support over the past few months, it has been quite a long slog but i'm finished now and all your kind words and encouragement have been most welcome, means a lot, so cheers!
But my cousin is now about to start her month of exams, so if you will please, be enouraging to her too coz exams can get pretty stressing but i'm sure she can do it!

I suppose you'll all be happy to hear that my exams are over as well, i know it probably got a little boring and monotonous reading about them all the time but it's all done now until next year :)


Hugs,
Rowan


Not a big fan of Status Quo but i recently found this fun song by them called Burning Bridges. It's a really cheery and sort of celebration sounding thing. Suppose you could say it's been my song for the past couple of days :P
Don't think it's very well known but i remember Muse played it as a little jam when i went to see them, i like it.

Cinema With Alan & Co.

Today was a pretty awesome day, as was yesterday in fact, it has been sunny for both and today i went to the cinema with Alan and a few other friends.

I should start from the start which is yesterday afternoon.

I wasn't doing much, sitting around jumping through a few social netowrking sites when i got a message from a friend named Paul asking if i wanted to go the cinema, i answered yes and asked who else was going and found out that Alan was so that confirmed my attendance!

I got a little sneaky here, i said it's all fine but to make things easier i need both his and Alan's mobile numbers but he told me he left his mobile back at his house. Ugh.
Don't fret yet, not long after this i got a text off Alan, i was like "Wooh!". So yeh, i got Alan's number yesterday, pretty good afternoon's work i must say.

But the main event was today. Firstly, i'll just say i did enjoy it, i had a good time but it wasn't as good as it possibly could and should have been.
I thought it was just me, Paul and Alan going but two other people joined us on the 15-minute train journey into town, where i purposefully sat beside Alan, who got a haircut! (NOOOOOO! j/k)
It actually annoyed me when the other two guys showed up, they're nice enough but my mind was set that there was only going to be three of us :/

So anyway, we got off the train and headed for the cinema, not even knowing what we were going to see (truthfully, i wasn't bothered) but the choices ended up getting narrowed to The Losers and Prince of Persia. Again not being too bothered, i blurted out "Oh, Jake Gyllenhaal is in Prince of Persia, he was in Brokeback Mountain too"

*mega facepalm*

I got the inevitable "Oh, have you actually seen that" No point in lying, i said yes but to my surprise everyone just had a joke about it.
I don't even know what made me say it in the first place....i know for a fact i wouldn't have said it if Steven had been with us but at least there wasn't any hassle over it.

Now....the movie itself lol. We ended up choosing to see The Losers. I tried my utmost to get sitting beside Alan but i couldn't and Paul took the seat next to him :(
Then, the screen projector failed right before the movie came on, things just weren't going right :P
But the movie was quite good, everybody seemed to enjoy it at least.

After the film we just kinda messed around town for a bit and got the train back home. While we were waiting for the train i decided to quietly observe Alan, mainly coz i don't even know if he is gay, i have my suspicions but this was a good a time as any to put them to the test.
Group of girls walked past, Paul said "check them out". I didn't. Alan didn't.
A few minutes later a hot guy a few years older than us with no shirt on walked past, im like "Mmmm" to myself, praying that Alan has a good look as well. Alan didn't.
That confused me a bit and made me think a lot, even if i'm not sure what to think about Alan.
Maybe he's really good at hiding that he is gay, maybe he is straight but doesn't really show that either or another thought that springs to mind is that he might be asexual (lack of sexual attraction) but how many 15/16 year boys would be like that?
It has also occured that maybe Alan doesn't even know for sure....
I'll need to try and observe and analyse a little more.
I might have a chance tomorrow, a big end-of-exam game of football is organised for right after my Spanish exam and he will be there too, although, coz we're playing football i might not get the chance. Ho hum.

Anyway, to round up, i suppose i was a little disappointed today that more people turned up than i thought, i also didn't get to sit beside Alan at the cinema and i still dont know if he is gay or not (he also got a haircut :P). However, can't just look at the negatives coz the positives outweigh them, i got Alan's number yesterday and had a good day out with some friends today. I'm sure there will be a different time to get to sit beside Alan some place and other opportunities to try and figure out if he might be gay :D (and that hair can always grow back lol)


And it's also exactly 100 DAYS TO MUSE AT WEMBLEY!!! XD


The countdown has begun :P



Hugs,
Rowan

June is Here, Yes!

This is going to be quite some month if all goes the way it should, particularly the end of the month which i will have to wait for unfortunately but it will be all worth it when the time comes.

The only bad thing about this month is the Spanish exam on Friday but it shouldn't be any hassle at all.
I'm back to school on Monday, which doesn't really bother me, i want to get back talking to people and friends again, it can feel rather isolated during the holidays sometimes. Also, when i return i will be in different classes so i will have a whole new timetable etc. so i look forward to finding all that out. I only have three weeks of that tho, coz this month also sees the end of the school year! Yay!

Anyhoo, then end of the month (plus a few family members birthdays in between) is what really shapes this month.
One of my cousin's is going to be 21 this month and the weekend on or after her birthday, me and the rest of my family will be travelling to London to surprise her. At first, it only was going to be us, but now it looks like it is going to be a massive family reunion :D
Lauren and her parents are going (well i hope both parents :P), my cousins who live in France and their parents will be going, other cousins in London will be there too, and lastly, my aunt and uncle who live in California are making their way across the pond to visit us. We only just received that news a few days ago so it really has turned into a big get-together and i seriously can't wait!

I remember one of my other cousin's 21st, or maybe 18th birthday that we also went to London for (a surprise again) and that was great, albeit a few years ago now and wasn't as big as this one looks to be. I got some beer too, so if that was a few years ago....*shifty*....maybe there will be more this time!
J/k

So the end of the month is what i view as like a big reward for these crappy past couple of months (in terms of school, that is). All aunts, uncles and cousins are set to be there and the last big reunion was March 2007, so it's been a long time, and also, from what i remember, the first reunion that doesn't involve the death of somebody....the last two were when my gran passed away then grandad.
I'm not a big believer in heaven and all that but i still think that when the dead move on they are watching over us in a way, so i am sure gran and grandad would be really happy to see everyone get together and have a fantastic time.

Also, this month has already got off to a good start and it's only 12 hours new. On Rhyn's blog, his most recent post was about him finding some pictures he came across at an anime convention he was was recently at. He got pictures for a few different people and i am lucky enough to be one of those and just there is the one he got me which i really like, so i thought i would share it on here too.

I really like it and i think it was really thoughful so i just want to say thanks to Rhyn and that i will print it off for now, maybe one day i can get my hands on the original copy, that would be great.


Hope you all have a great June!


Hugs,
Rowan





Queen <3