Spirit Day

Hope you've all been wearing purple today!

I have even though i only own one purple item, a t-shirt, which most of the time was covered by a jumper because of the cold.

But i still did wear purple!

To make up for my "weak" effort I purchased a "NoH8" badge earlier and as my guidance teacher at school is urging me to wear the school blazer, i shall comply and put the badge on there when I get it xD

Everyone puts badges on their blazer, so i'll put that on mine and a few Muse badges or something like that.

Anyway, one thing that annoys me is an apparent dislike or non-approval of wearing purple on Spirit Day, even within the gay community. I think more people support it than not but there's just things i read online; people saying it changes nothing, its just jumping on the bandwagon etc.

What crap.

It's to show a togetherness and to support the victims of gay teen suicide and those who are bullied!

Maybe it's just a personal thing that some people feel more strongly about than others but there's no need to criticise people who are trying to help and raise awareness of what is a very big issue.

Another one is that "people are just doing it to make themselves feel useful".

I don't know why people are so cynical all the time. It's about showing support and if showing support for what is a worthy cause is wrong then shoot me down.


I didn't mean to turn this into a rant :P

I just feel strongly about bullying - we've all seen the effect it can have - and I will do what i can to fight against it and i hope you will, too :)


Rowan <3




Appropriate song is appropriate ^^

Part-ay

Last night was Nicholas' party and i'm not going to lie, I wasn't really looking forward to it.

Was mostly that i was still in bed at 2pm, it was raining and i still had to get ready and everything. But after i did all that, i felt nervous about going because I knew Kev was going to be there and I knew that when he was drunk, he would try something.

Such a thing never materialised but the whole thing turned into quite a riot.

Must have been about 20 people there at one point, at least half of them drunk. I was kinda in-between in all honesty, but got drunk later on - a late bloomer. Melly got everyone's requests in so the party didn't really start till she got there but when she did, i just didn't feel in the mood.

Loads of people just tore straight into the vodka but i hate the stuff so i just had a few quiet beers and talked to the sober people. Around this point, i found myself in a room with a few people and Susan was there as well and somehow the conversation turned to me and about how i've never had a girlfriend.
Fucking joy.

Susan was all hinty like, "It's not as if you haven't had offers"

All the while i was playing guitar and pretending i wasn't bothered and someone said, "It just amazes me you haven't been out with anyone"

I somehow passed it off and the conversation disappeared but then Melly came over for a chat, a good old private chat. She seen me struggling through the conversation and asked me if there were any guys i did like. Now by this time, i'd had a few more trips to the fridge so was a bit more drunk. Not as drunk as i have previously been but drunk enough for things to happen and say that i normally wouldn't.

I ended up telling her i've been practically in love with Bryan but that i'm just about giving it up because he clearly doesn't like guys. We then went into the "secret room" as i dubbed it (Nicholas' bedroom as it's where i first came out to Melly and Josh - weird huh?)
And in return she told me that she really fancied some guy at the party. Can't remember the fine details.

But the biggest shock of my night was when she went, "I had a dream about you the other night"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, you threw me up against a wall and started kissing me"

*awkward silence*

"I know you're gay but i was wondering what that would actually be like..."

*even more awkward silence*

Then she approached me... and kissed me... and i kissed her back. Must have been a good 15/20 seconds at least.

Afterwards - "Yeh, lets not tell anyone about that. Not even Josh. It stays in the secret room". We laughed and then went our separate ways.

I cannot explain how I allowed for that to happen. Firstly, she's a good friend so it shouldn't have happened and secondly, i'm fucking gay so it just totally baffles me. I'm not even attracted to her in the slightest! I can only blame the drink.

But the drama doesn't stop there, oh no! -http://inception.davepedu.com/

Even more happened in the secret room. Not long after that... meeting with Melly than was i back in there on my own with Susan. It all came out... but I didn't.

I told her basically, that i'm sorry i don't feel the same way for her as she does for me. I just never said till now because i can't stand disappointing people. She told me she pretty much figured out already but it was good to finally hear it so i was pleased at least. I just sat with my arm around her for a few minutes while she told me about some guy who does fancy her but she doesn't feel the same way.

I'm sitting like, "Now you know how i felt!" haha

I just said some nice reassuring things to her because she felt bad and i think she was better after that so we left the room. Well, i did. Kev burst in on us and i was thinking, "Oh, here we go" but i managed to leave and Kev and Susan had more than a little chat, if you get me.


Christ. Drink does the strangest things. Probably should have been me that stayed in that room while Susan left. It's what i would have expected at the start of the night.

Anyhow, the conclusion to this crazy story is that Melly and I ended up walking the guy who fancies Susan to the end of the road because he was leaving early.
Basically, things came full circle because i ended up chatting with all three of the people concerned in this drama: Melly, Susan, and the guy who fancies Susan.

I'm sorry this probably makes no sense to anyone reading this. It barely makes sense to me but it's helping me figure out exactly what the situation is :P

After he got picked up, Melly asked, "So did our kiss change anything or have i not managed to sway you at all?"

"Nope, sorry. Still gay", I laughed and we went back to the house to find more than 4 people had thrown up. I took this as my hint not to have any more or else i'd end up like them.

People cleared out not long after that but i was staying overnight so i helped a few of the sick people find a bed - i had sobered up mostly by this time.

I ended up in a bed with Josh and neither of us could sleep so there was banter to be had and he somehow found out about Kev and Susan doing stuff so we laughed about that.

That gaming marathon still has us fecked though. We were both still awake at 7am before we drifted off.
There are still things i want to talk to him about though and i don't know if i should tell him about Melly and I. I feel he deserves to know since they're best friends but maybe some things are better left unsaid.
I'll play that one by ear.

Anyway, i know this post has been disjointed. But that's what parties are like for ya!

In summary:
- Melly knows i fancy/fancied Bryan. The first person who does know about that. Oh, i also told her that i came out to him as well and she was happy for me so yay \o/
- Melly and I kissed.
- Finally resolved things with Susan without actually coming out to her... maybe i should've...
- Found out extra stuff about Melly and Susan that will probably crop back up in the near future.
- I didn't throw up like i usually do when i'm drunk xD

All in all, i can't really tell if it was a good night or not but i'll take it as it was.

Ciao for now.

I'm beginning to like that phrase ^^


Rowan <3


P.S There's probably things I've forgotten to put in this post that i'll remember after i publish it but there's already enough going on here so i'll just leave it there :P

24 Hour Gaming Marathon

So yesterday, I was part of a team of people gaming for 24 hours without stop for a charity called Extra Life.

I say part of because I wasn't even in the team - I thought I was going to be busy today so couldn't do the whole thing but it turned out I wasn't busy.

However, due to me not being in the team, I didn't have to be there for the whole thing. Beforehand, I went to Kev's house for the first time and we watched the Liverpool game. His whole family are fans as well so it was good to watch it in the company of fellow fans as opposed to usually watching it on my own. Think I'll be going round more often for games.

It was a 1-1 draw but still a good result, btw.


After this, I went to the gaming marathon, hosted at Nicholas' house because everything happens there.

The three people taking part were Josh, Rob and another guy called Stu.

As I said, I wasn't doing the whole thing but still took my Xbox, laptop, a portable TV and an Digital SLR camera that the school have lent me over the holidays (Wasn't fun carrying all of it, I tell you right now)

I joined them about 3pm and went right through with them until 9am although it was easier for me because I didn't have to stick the restriction of gaming non-stop and had a longer sleep the night before.

I've never done anything quite like it. I took a risk in taking the Digital SLR because if anything happens to it, i'm liable and Nicholas' house isn't a place you'd want to be taking it to.

But I did and it was worth it. I documented the marathon, taking a photo of the guys once an hour. I'd post something on here but they wouldn't like that (even thought they wouldn't find out) and I wouldn't do that to them anyway.

Loads of people stopped by about 7/8pm and it got really distracting and we couldn't concentrate on what we were doing but when they went things calmed down and we got some KFC which kept us going for a while.

I thought it was a bit strange though, that Nicholas didn't take part due to it being at his house. He dropped off at about 4am leaving just us 4.

Obviously, we all got annoyed at each other at points out of boredom and being tired. Staring at a screen for that long really isn't easy and I didn't even do it half as much as they did.

We achieved it however. Got through to 9am and went to sleep. Although when I woke up, I found out that the guys raised over £200 between them. Awesomesauce. Probably could have been about £250+ if i was in the team to help but I've pledged to them that I'll join them next year. They guys are going to donate it to a local children's hospital by the way ^^

The whole thing just totally throws your sleeping pattern though. Mine is screwed as the best of times but it's going to be really out of whack for the rest of the week as i'm going back to Nicholas' house tomorrow for a party. I couldn't be bothered staying for 3 nights in a row so i'm home now to take a shower and freshen up etc. before going back tomorrow.

It should be good. There's gonna be a lot of people there and Kev has said directly to me that when he's drunk he's probably going to come onto me so I'm not quite sure how i'll handle that one...

I was supposed to be going to my film club tomorrow as well but I don't think I will be now because of Nicholas' party - I'd arrive too late. I feel really guilty because we are filming a trailer for the annual film festival next Sunday so it would be best if i was in attendance but i'll make something up. Don't feel good about it but i will. I don't go to many parties (compared to other people) but this is one that I'm not missing.

There's another meeting for the film group on Wednesday though so I can go to that one to make up for me missing this.

As well as the gaming marathon, Friday was busy as well. 7 of us were round at Rob's house helping him move stuff for a new extension and got paid 20 quid. Looks like the next few days are going to be busy, too, so just thought I'd throw a little update out there for everyone while I can!

Mr. Sociable signing out ;D


Rowan <3

Goings On

I'm writing this post at 4am with school to attend in 5 hours because of my damn sleeping pattern.

Monday knocked it out of me and when i got home at about 8pm (after leaving the house 12 hours previously) all i wanted to do was get some food in me and go to bed, which i did, and unfortunately woke up now. I didn't plan to.

So i'm currently writing this listening to The Beatles Anthology 2, on loan from my dad's uncle (my great uncle). I've had all 3 of them for about a month but have only got round to it now that he's asked for them back. They're really good so far although Anthology 1 will probably be my least favourite because admittedly, i'm not a big fan of The Beatles early stuff. Some of it is good but in pales in comparison to the likes of Revolver and Sgt. Pepper's etc. Can't wait to get to that section in the next 2 hours or so!

Anyhow.

Recent times have been quite busy.

There wasn't one day last week that i came home after school and went on Xbox or my laptop or whatever. Monday was my film group, as usual. Tuesday i went to see a new documentary about George Harrison (called "Living in the Material World") which was very enjoyable if not a little long but of course, such a busy and interesting life takes 208 minutes to get through :P
A lot of interesting things about the man were uncovered and i urge any fans to see it when it eventually comes to tv which i think it probably will in parts. It might have already in the US, not sure, but this was the first public screening of it ever in the UK to my knowledge.

Wednesday was another film group meeting (yes, there's two or three a week now!)

Thursday... i actually forgot what i was doing but i certainly didn't go home after school :S
Hmm, weird. I can't remember.
And Friday, i went to see Melancholia. Wasn't great. Visually it is, but that alone can't carry a film. It's just too boring and not enough happens to make it engaging. Depressing, too, and not a film that really appeals to me. Ho hum.

I went to see it with Kev and we'd been planning to see something for a while and he built it up as a little date (awwwww) even though we did nothing apart from actually watch the film. I couldn't anyway, and didn't want to haha
If you want to mess around with someone in the cinema go and see something you know you have no interest in! Certainly, the cinema we went to, (the one i go to for my film club) you would never have done anything - it's for people who are more than casual film fans in all honesty :P
Go to some tacky multi-plex.

Saturday was a bit odd coz i stayed at somebody's house that i barely know. I honestly just wanted to spend the day in the house but everyone was eager for me to go so i did. Josh and Nicholas and a few others i know were there but i was mostly outnumbered by people i had never met which is fine by me but just a little awkward.
The people i don't know are actually people that i'll be going to the Lake District with. Can't remember if i talked about it or not yet but if i didn't then about 25 of us have rented this place somewhere in the Lake District next summer. Should be good!
A number of people have expressed their dislike of there being alcohol there but quite frankly fuck them. It's an end of school holiday, with friends, no parents. I've paid as much as they have and i'll be 18 by the time so i'll do as i please thanks :D
A number of us share this view.

Back to this house "party" which wasn't really a party. It was the first time in about 5 days i'd had something decent to eat (I'd been living of Subway last week basically) and the host of the house made curry, of all things.

There wasn't any booze or anything involved on the night but we had the house to ourselves and had a massive game of Capture the Flag and then watched a film called Youth and Revolt and played some sexy Twister ;)

People say it's only fun with alcohol involved but i disagree. I also have to talk about something strange. There was a girl there i'd never met before but there was something about her... I don't know. I think she was quite cute, and i was really happy when playing a game of Twister with her.
Weird, huh?
Well, i don't think anyone can seriously be 100% exclusively gay :P

Getting back home on Sunday afternoon, i was greeted by a kitten. Yes, we got a kitten. Why, i don't know. As cute as it is, it's just annoying and unnecessary seeing as we already have a cat AND a dog. This thing steps in the door and everyone bows down to it.
No.
Plus, i think i'm allergic to the fucking thing. I'd be quite happy for it not to be here, harsh as that sounds.


So yeh, past few weeks or so have been busy times indeed.

They ain't a-stoppin' either.

At least today will be the first day in a while where i can just come home from school and relax. Wednesday and Thursday i'll probably be at the film club again. Friday, i dunno but it'll be the last day of school before the October break next week.

Already got plans for Saturday. All according to plan, the film group will be filming a trailer which should be great fun (the basis of it is my idea after all) but it means i'll have to miss the big Liverpool vs Man United game - although if we're not filming i will watch it. Also, i'll be going to Nicholas' place to provide some moral support for Josh, Rob and another friend who are doing a charity event called Extra Life, a 24 hour gaming marathon.

I'd do it as well if i didn't already have previous engagements but i'll go round in the evening with my Xbox and join them for their second half probably. They're starting at 8am and finishing at the same time on Sunday morning. Can only imagine the amount of Lucozade and food that will be there.

But it's just the start if things at Nicholas' house. His parents are away all next week so his house will be getting trashed by a drunken load of us at least once, if not twice. The thing is that Kev (who i seen Melancholia with) has already told me that he is going to try and pull (kiss/snog) me when drunk.

I can tell - obviously with that statement - that he's got a bit of a thing for me but i'm sorry to say i don't harbour the same feelings about him. I like him but i'm not attracted to him. People would probably just say let it happen, get yourself a bit and maybe i will, maybe i won't. I can't predict what will or won't happen when i'm drunk :P

I'm looking forward to this random party anyhow, it's been far too long without one!

And i'm looking forward to having next week off as well. I can relax finally, and i think deservedly, as i've been more than a little rushed off my feet lately.

Ciao for now.


Rowan <3


PS Anthology 2 is really getting good now. Rare take of Tomorrow Never Knows was quite sublime and these Sgt.Pepper's tracks are tripping me to hell.