LGBT Suicides

So this post is quite heavy and clearly not the cheeriest post i'll ever write but i feel quite strongly on the matter so here it goes.

I started writing this post on Wednesday when i mentioned Jamey Rodemeyer's death at the end of my last post and then just kept writing and writing until i just decided to make a whole post from it.
It's like a continuation of my last post, if you like.


I'm also sure that i wasn't the only one that got fucking angry and depressed upon hearing about Jamey's death. Yet another young life lost, needlessly. Not that they ever are easy to hear or read about, mind. Probably didn't help that the site i read about it linked to his Tumblr and Twitter where you could read with your own eyes, on Jamey's page, what was effectively his suicide note.

I'm not going to post it on here. It's not something i want to actually type out myself or even copy and paste for that matter. It can be found easily enough on Google anyway.

Perhaps the worst thing of all is the fact that Jamey made a video for "It Gets Better" which this website also had a link to and i could barely bring myself to watch it. It was just heartbreaking.

All of this might sound strange coming from someone who is actually around Jamey's age but that's what makes it so saddening when I, personally, read about LGBT suicides. People my age who are taking their own lives. Makes me step back and think.
I went through a dark time myself. Before this blog started wasn't a good period in my life so i'm grateful to myself (if that makes any sense?) that i never did anything drastic but maybe more about that another time.
Anyway, because of that, i'm hit quite emotionally whenever i hear about a young person killing them self, and every time i ask the exact same question:
When are people going to wake up and smell what they're shovelling and act like proper fucking human beings?
This has just gone on for far too long.

Over the past year or two, i'm sure you're aware that there has been a spate of young LGBT suicides - or rather, perhaps, an increase in the reporting of them - the cold fact is that this has more than likely been happening for far longer than any of us would like to imagine. It just seems that the media has cottoned on now.

I don't know what the definitive answer is to put a stop to teen suicides such as Jamey's or the countless other people that have taken their lives. There probably isn't one definitive answer.
Some might say it's in the "It Gets Better" videos. Yes, a wonderful, loving idea and one i do support but say there's a 12 or 13 year old who's unsure/confused/depressed watching that. "Gets" better is still a long way to go for someone of that age.

It shouldn't be that people have to wait for their situation to get better. It should be that it doesn't have to get better. It should ALREADY be better regardless of what age and sexuality you are, because we're all human bloody beings- the same. Equal.

Of course, you've got to remember that we're dealing with real life here and that for everybody on earth to have that mindset is impossible but "It Gets Better" seems like a sort of... temporary solution.

I see the love behind it, the willingness to help, the willingness to put a stop to needless suicides of young people but, and it pains me say it, it isn't quite working.

It works to an extent, granted but imagine - and trust me, i'd rather not - some poor kid at the end of desperation, with only their mind fixed on a way out. Some Youtube videos aren't going to save them.

It probably sounds like i'm against this whole campaign when i'm actually in total favour of it but it doesn't take a genius to see that more has to be done. It Gets Better doesn't have to be abolished or anything, no way am i even suggesting that. It gives hope, which is great of course but that could be many years of hope for some people and in various cases it might be too late for It Gets Better to help. Take Jamey, who actually made one of these videos.

I'd rather not be all downbeat about this and I don't have the answer.

I don't know if anyone has the answer.

I have an opinion however.

My opinion is that discrimination (and youth suicides as a result) will decrease the sooner same-sex marriage becomes legal around the globe.
Completely? No. We are a minority after all, and always will be. It's a fact. But the sooner it is legalised, the sooner more people will open their eyes.

When i say "soon" i'm not talking a few years, unfortunately. I'm talking at least a couple of generations. Perhaps 70 years from now (estimate) and that's just the Western world.

I doubt Jamey's death will be the last we hear of, unfortunately, if we're talking that time period but the sooner people become more at ease with homosexuality, the sooner needless deaths will be stopped.

You might say that many people are already quite comfortable with homosexuality and that is true, but evidently not enough are. Same sex marriage is banned in more countries than it's allowed.

Britain seems to be getting close to legalising it and more USA states seem to be pushing for it which is good to see. This also has the backing of many top celebrities. Lady Gaga, for example. I'm not a big fan of her music personally but it warms my heart to see someone so popular have such wide regard for equality and that influence on young people.

Anyway, i do believe that if and when same-sex marriage is legalised, it will embed itself within today's society and thus society, as a whole, will have a better understanding and acceptance of homosexuality.

If you think about it, it's the next step. Where does the LGBT community go from here? Marriage, surely.

As i said, opinions won't change overnight but when we have equality i think things will change.

Marriage should be open to all and the fact that it isn't for same-sex couples makes us seem like second class citizens and people will continue to think that's the way the LGBT community should be treated.

It certainly has an influence on the way young people see it. Difference of any kind is the target of bullies in high schools and being different in terms of sexuality is like the holy fucking grail. Even for those who aren't bullies, there is a general negative attitude.

I see it everyday so i think i'm allowed to comment. People who don't have, and never have had, a bully mentality making negative comments about gays. The attitude is often handed down from parents, from a generation who knew very little about homosexuality. Changes are noticeable now because that generation is being ushered out by a younger generation who know more about homosexuality and have a wider acceptance because of that.

Really, this is the perfect time to move forward with marriage. With how far LGBT equality has come so far, this can be a big push to come down hard on discrimination and stop these needless deaths.

Barack Obama, David Cameron, any other politicians can express their sorrow and regret for young suicides and make videos for It Gets Better but why do that when they can legalise marriage for all?

It just makes sense.

Again, that's just my opinion on how needless deaths such as Jamey's can be avoided. It may take a long time for everyone to warm to the idea but the old saying goes, "Every journey starts with a small step" and those small steps have indeed been taken, so we are already part of this journey. Period.

It might not be the only answer as i said, but i'd say it's definitely one of them. I'd be interested to hear your opinion on the matter of what can be done to put a stop to the discrimination and prejudice that is claiming the lives of more and more people. The more opinions the better really.

I know this may also have been a bit of a task to read and not the happiest either, so i'll leave you with a link to a humorous gallery of pro same-sex marriage signs :)

This is probably my favourite:



So funny, and so true.


Rowan <3

5 A's

Hey guys, just a little update to say that today I got an appeal accepted for my English exam - It's just like last year: after having been on track for getting an A in English but getting a B in the exam, my appeal for an A went through :)

I'm really happy about it for a few reasons. 1) Because i was pretty good at English last year and expected to get an A and 2) Because English ruined what would have been five straight A's - a perfect score.

I now have that perfect score xD

Media - A
French - A
Music - A
Spanish - A
English - A

Still can't say i think the work and studying i did across last year warranted those results but i'm not going to complain now, am I? :P

It also means that the only exam i have ever sat in my life in which i didn't get an A is maths the year before last - I got a B.

Not too shabby, I must say. Not too shabby at all.


I'm afraid i'm going to counter the good news with some bad now.

I'm sure most who read this blog are aware of Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14 year old boy who sadly took his own life after being bullied because of his sexuality.

I'm preparing a longer post about this, and LGBT suicides as a whole that i'll work on over the next few days but for now i'd just like to spare some thoughts for Jamey.

A tragic and needless death :(

RIP Jamey.


Rowan <3

Good Friends (2nd Blogaversary Post)

Josh is a legend.

He really is becoming a more important person in my life, i'll admit it.

I don't think i've ever had a closer friend, even when my friendship with Steven was at it's greatest.

I'm glad i can talk to Josh and be open. I recall a post about a year or so ago where i said i longed for someone who i could just talk to like i was able to with Lauren when i came out to her and well, Josh seems to have answered that call :)

So i was round at his house again last night. I took my bass, amp and everything. Played a bit but not an awful lot - his brothers were round. Had a good laugh with them.

They're both older than Josh but quite similar in many respects. The middle brother is quite a nerd, plays lots of video games and all while the eldest brother is a very good guitar player and has a wide knowledge of music in general. Josh kind of bridges the gap between them as he is both a nerd and good musician.

They all have the same kind of humour as well so it's no wonder we got on so well :P


Anyway, that wasn't the point in this post.

The point was that i let out more of my little ickle secrets to Josh. It's weird. Everyone does... tell Josh their secrets. He's like this hub of information on everyone. I don't know why so many people tell him so many things but we just all do.

Not that Josh reveals much, or any, at all... to anyone. He does this annoying thing where he goes, "Oh the stories i could tell you about him/her" and then doesn't say anything. It's infuriating but i love him for it. However, i guess people trust him because he's trustworthy. Makes sense :P

I'm straying again. The things i told Josh last night are actually things i've never even mentioned on this blog.

I never talk about my sexual happenings on here. It's not something i believe i need to, or want to, go into detail on, and this post will also be PG-13 so no explicit stuff. Sorry, perverts!
But because i don't post about that i get the feeling that everyone thinks all is quiet on the western front, which is true at this moment but it hasn't always been and this is what i told Josh last night.


The back story to this comes from earlier in the week during a free period at school where Josh, another friend and I were sitting about chatting. This other guy is quite a whore, he honestly has no standards and has probably done more with guys than i have :P

Anyhow, he started playing the alphabet game with the rule being provide a name beginning with every letter that you have pulled/snogged/kissed etc.

So he goes from about A through to H without stopping and Josh adds the occasional name in of people he's pulled.

I'm meanwhile sitting there a bit depressed :P I have a few to add but not right there so i stayed shtum.

I brought this back up at Josh's house after we went to bed and we just had some bro chat :3

I said, "How depressing was that alphabet game the other day?" to which he just went, "Meh, i did ok"

So i challenged him and asked what the real truth of it was so we effectively played the game again and i knew my plan was working - I wanted to tell Josh. I don't know why. I just thought that since he was a good friend why bother hiding it? (since i knew i could trust him with secrets anyway)

So he goes through his list and after G he says, "Hmm, don't think i've got an H" and i go, "Hold on, you didn't ask about my G"

"Oh?"

"Yeh, i've never told anyone but i trust you with it"

But instead of me telling him he wanted to guess!


Do i know them?
Not really.
Is it someone in our year?
Yes.
Guy or a girl?
... Guy.
Oh, interesting. G, you say?
Yep.

He couldn't think of any guys' names he kinda knew beginning with a G so i just had to tell him.

T'was a guy called Gary, to which Josh knew who it was, sort of and went, "Really, i didn't know he swung that way" and i told him the truth is that i don't know if he is gay either because it was a few years ago and he currently has a girlfriend so he might have just been finding out with me.

"Well at least you're not a VL (Virgin Lips)" he said and laughed and i desperately wanted to tell him that we didn't just kiss but i didn't say. He didn't need to know, and probably didn't want to know every single detail anyway.

My reply to Josh was just, "Yeah, we messed around a bit but it wasn't anything serious" and it wasn't, in fact. I couldn't have seen myself ever going out with Gary. We used to get on the school bus together and on a few occasions i went back to his for a while and... yeah :P

Anyway, he wasn't bothered by it and we continued to play the game. H-N was busier for Josh who was racing through his list, trying, i think to see if there was any more on my part. He was giving up by V and said, "I've not got a W"

"Oh, but i have"

"Oh?"

Again, he wanted to guess.
Do i know them?
Sort of... maybe a bit but i'm not sure.

Is it someone in our year?
No.
Guy or a... wait, what?
Yeah, not our year.
Ok, guy or a girl?
Guy again.
I can only think of one guy beginning with W i kind of know who isn't in our year...
Yes.
It isn't... your friend, William, in the year below us is it?
... Yeh, it is.
Wow, now that's surprising.

The story with William is that both his mum and my mum were quite good friends with each other for many years. I'll cut the long story short by saying that when he was 13, and turned 14, and i was 15 he instigated things - he used to stay around here from time to time - and we messed around some. It stopped after my mum and his mum fell out and the only time i really ever see William now is in school.

Now you might be thinking what Josh was when i told him (again i didn't tell him we experimented like that, just that we kissed a few times) - that that is a little dodgy, considering both our ages but i didn't, and never would have let things go too far.
As i said, it was only experimenting but it was probably a good thing that his mum and mine fell out when they did in that case because a few months later i'd have turned 16 and if this was still happening then *that* would have been dodgy, but i think by that time i'd have stopped it.

I'm just going to put it out there, again, that i wasn't the one who started things. I wouldn't have ever guessed William was gay let alone start anything with him. Also, i don't even know if William is gay but questions must be raised if he continued to be up for messing around. Thinking about it, he probably is (or at least bi) but like with Gary, we never went out. Just experimented.

Josh was still recovering from the surprise that i had kissed someone who was over a year my junior so thank goodness i only told him we kissed a few times!

He then proceeded to label me "the new ped" as Rob went out with a girl two years younger than him and had sex with her (now *that* is dodgy) When we all found out we called him a ped haha
I took comical umbridge to the suggestion of being compared to Rob and said how dare he compare us.

He said he was joking and nobody would ever be more of a ped than Rob :P
Still, if this information got out like it did for Rob then i think a lot more would be made of it...

Fuck, i trusted Josh a great deal telling him that. I'm sure he can keep it to himself though.

I rounded things off by telling him briefly about JJ/Richard but i didn't go into much detail because that could have led to this blog and that just ain't happening.

Josh thinking i'm bi is probably now out of the question. He pretty much knows for sure i'm a raging homosexual :P

Still, what i told him is probably a lot to take in.


As for anyone reading this, please don't be irked that i'm only talking it now. Especially when the things that took place with Gary and William were more or less going on a few months before i started, and when i started this blog, so i could have posted about it.
I chose not to.

My main reason for doing so is for my own privacy. Why should anyone know the details anyway?

Also because i don't want my blog overrun with perverts looking for sex stories and sending creepy comments. There isn't going to be a change of policy - if you want that stuff, go to Nifty or something.

I've seen it on the blogs. People my age (or maybe pretending to be) making smutty posts and getting loads of sad, old pervert followers. I don't want that. I like what i'm grateful enough to have now: people who enjoy my posts for what they are and are willing to go out their way and write helpful and meaningful comments if i ever happen to be in a position of difficulty, and the rest of course.
I don't want to jeopardise that and i'm never going to so i can only end my 2nd blogaversary post by dedicating it to everyone who comes here!

I honestly only remembered the anniversary two minutes ago! I thought i'd finished the post when i looked at the date in the corner of my screen and went, "17th September... that means something... oh yeah!" and then changed the posts' title :P

Really, i know it's been said before but it hasn't become any less true: Thanks for reading and thanks for all your comments, everything is appreciated. I can only now apologise that i didn't prepare anything bigger as a little celebration but i'm not very good at that kind of thing anyway. Just take heart in the knowledge that i've spent about 2 hours tailoring this post and making sure it reads well! xD

Thanks everyone.


Rowan <3

Denial

I think my dad is in denial about me being gay.

I mean, i guess i can make sense of it. It can't be easy for a parent to understand, especially when they grew up with a completely opposite mindset, but i just wish it wasn't that way.

This belief i have stems from a few things i notice from time to time but particularly one event recently. I was watching tv, there was nothing on apart from Blondie performing at some festival. I was barely watching but afterwards, i went downstairs and my dad goes, "That you listening to Blondie?"

"Was the only thing to watch..."

"Tell you what, I'd still be up for her"

"Okay, Dad"

He didn't leave it there though. Even as a gay guy, i can tell that Blondie is hardly attractive. She's basically a walking hunk of plastic. Sorry, it's true so i found it quite funny when my dad said that in all honesty but as i said, he kept going.

"What, you saying you wouldn't?"

"No, i wouldn't" I said, slightly confused at this point for obvious reasons.

"Well, i definitely would", he continued, "When i was your age... phwoah!"

Well, perhaps she looked better 30 years ago, i don't really know or care.

"Thought you might have been checking her out for a minute"

The sheer thought revolted me but then just confused me even further. I didn't say it but i was thinking, "You know i'm gay, WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS?"

I struggle to find any other explanation than the one i provided at the top of this post. That, combined with being in the car with my dad and he'll occasionally go, "Oh, that one's a looker, eh?" as i suppose straight guys do but when i'm in the car with him... why?

Also, i get on with some of my dad's friends. One of whom's son i used to be quite good friends with myself a few years ago and we've seen each other more regularly as of late but more on that another time, i'm straying from the story (and no, it's nothing sexual)

I get on with some of my dad's friends. They're quite young at heart and easy-going. Up for a laugh kind of guys. Yet even when i'm in the room my dad, and his friends, will still come out with the gay jokes or whatever. Okay, not exactly gay jokes in the sense but there's the kind of atmosphere there and things are said which hints that being gay is something negative and should be discouraged.

Again, i suppose it's a generation thing and them being his friends for the best part of thirty years means that their attitudes aren't going to suddenly change. It's different when they're not around of course, that same atmosphere doesn't exist and i do enjoy the company of some of my dad's friends but if he really cared, and i mean PROPERLY cared, my dad could go out of his way and put a stop to it. He doesn't but it just adds fuel to my argument that my dad hasn't properly come to terms with the fact that i'm gay yet.

That "Blondie" incident recently provoked this post but there are other examples of his attitude. I don't suppose there's much i can do about it and perhaps i shouldn't complain because i am quite fucking lucky that i'm not hated by my parents or anything considering how they grew up. I know they love me and care for me and blah-de-bloody-blah but it's just something that really grinds at me and brings me down.

Maybe i just have to wait for my dad to change (maybe my mum, too, if i'm honest although that's not as big an issue.) Then again, my dad might not change but i know for certain that i'm definitely not going to so it is him that has to come to terms with it now, not me.


Just thought I'd throw that observation out there. Hello everyone.


Rowan <3

Freddie Mercury

Like last year, i am again going to commemorate Freddie Mercury's birthday. This year would have been his 65th. Weird thought.

Freddie Mercury, to me, is an absolute inspiration, and i wasn't even alive during his lifetime.

Simply going back and watching old videos, watching Live Aid or Queen at Wembley just does something to me. I don't know what it is. Obviously, Queen as whole band are legendary but no one can deny that Freddie is the member who just grabs you immediately.

His charisma, personality and stage presence were, are, and (i find it highly unlikely) to ever be matched.

It is for such reasons that i have a poster solely of Freddie at Wembley directly opposite my bed.

My dad told me a wonderful story a few years back about the day he passed away. He went down to the shops to get a newspaper as he did every morning and the headline was about Freddie Mercury's death and my dad was left speechless - he's always been quite a big Queen fan.
He skipped work that morning as the only thing he could think of doing was going to church (this was during his more religious years) to light a candle and say a prayer for him.

I bet he wasn't the only one that day.


I could go on and on about how Muse are my favourite band - i know i have on here -  and how i adore them and whatever but not even i can deny that they will never match Queen's, and in particular Freddie Mercury's, musical talent and song writing ability. They can put on an amazing show but i know fine well that my dad speaks the truth when he says that a Queen concert is like nothing on this earth. He's one of those lucky people to have seen them live. '79 i think.

Think of it this way. If, somehow, Freddie was to bring himself back for a day and put on a Queen concert in the middle of the Mongolian outbacks, I would do all in my power to be there.


As i said, i wasn't even ever alive while Freddie was and every year on this day i'm reminded of that fact and it makes me genuinely sad. I was three years too late for that, but i'm sure for many - and certainly for myself - Freddie Mercury will live on forever in our hearts, in our minds and through the amazing music he wrote and performed.

Freddie is king.


Rowan <3



This may have been a Brian May song but listening to the lyrics it's as if Freddie is singing to you from beyond the grave. Sheer brilliance.

Reading and Leeds Part 2

Woke up on the Saturday morning, feeling a little rough. Didn't get much sleep because dad wanted to get on the road early for some reason.

Anyhow, we packed into the car and headed for London. Took about 4 hours in all i think. I always love coming off the motorway into Surrey, specifically the area we used to live. There's just something i love about the place. It's really nice. Lucky the sun was out and i stuck my head out the window.

Our accommodation whilst staying in London was actually provided free of cost since we have lots of family down there but we stayed with old friends across the road in the street we used to live in.

The old friends i'm talking about are those my mum, sister and I visited last summer (http://dailyodoings.blogspot.com/2010/08/holiday-part-7-back-in-london.html)

Bryan, naturally, felt a bit awkward meeting everyone as they were all new to him. Everyone was as nice as possible to him but the only time he came downstairs all night was for dinner!

He and my brother warmed to each other by their interest (obsession, rather) in all things gaming so i didn't feel bad by leaving them while i caught up and had a few beers with everyone else.

Trying to get to sleep that night was quite annoying. The room was really stuffy. I shared a bed with Bryan again (ahmygawd) but the bed was quite uncomfortable.

He sat up at one point, alarmed and said, "Crap i think i seen a spider on the bed" so we searched for a minute or so but found nothing and he just went, "Ah, i must have been dreaming"

It was quite sweet :3

However, I'd say sleeping that night was difficult not because of the room being stuffy or the bed being uncomfortable but, in absolute honesty, because of the fact that what i think about on a regular basis, what i have dreamt about on numerous occasions was inches in front of me. The temptation to throw my arm over Bryan's shoulder and cuddle him was agonising. There was like this invisible barrier between him and I that just said, "FORBIDDEN" on it.
It was actually quite depressing. I lay there on my side just staring at him, wishing, knowing that it's just impossible.
Sharing the bed was nice but, to put it bluntly, downright painful. A case of being so close to what i desire, yet so far away from it at the same time :(

But despite this, i thought of something else at the same time that made me feel happier: I was lying in that same spot about 9 months ago when we went to London for Grandma Knitter's funeral. My brother and I shared that very bed. If you were to tell me then, that in 9 months time i would be lying in the same bed but with Bryan next to me instead of my brother, i'd have called you a nutter.

I think it shows that mine and Bryan's friendship has developed well over the year we've known each other :)


Was really quite tired waking up on the Sunday. Needed a few more hours, but the nerves about tickets and travelling etc were all there again so i didn't even eat breakfast.

Getting to Reading was a bit more complicated. Had to take a train then a replacement bus, then a further shuttle bus. Would have been another 3 trains if my dad didn't drop us at a certain station. I hate navigating the South East. But it reminded me of getting to Wembley last year and it was just something that added to the event. Don't let anyone tell you different - getting there is all part of the experience!

Go into Reading central about noon and didn't quite know where to go from there, where the shuttle bus was etc. so we saved a few quid, followed the crowds and got there after about half an hour's walk.

Tickets again, were fine and we got our wristbands without hassle.

 

Moar bands xD

Getting to the arena itself was actually quite a trek. Weren't quite sure where we were going, cutting through campsites and everything. I tell you what though, the smell at Reading was ripe. 4th day of one of the UK's biggest festivals. Not very hygienic i must say :P

We had a plan of who we were going to see that day so the first half an hour in the arena was spent filling up on drinks, going to the toilet and getting food - not necessarily in that order. Frank Turner was first this time, enjoyed his set at Leeds and his set at Reading was enjoyable as well although it was pretty much the exact same. Even his speeches were rehearsed. I was able to recite them out of memory as he said them haha

 

The crowd being told to sit the fuck down by Frank Turner :P

After Frank Turner, we headed to The Alternative Stage to catch Tim Minchin but the tent was so crowded that when he came on, we couldn't see anything. I like Tim Minchin but not enough to just stand there and listen to him so we left :(

Without anything to do, we caught Warpaint in the NME Tent. Josh adores them and said we should see them so we did. We sat near the back of the tent and got chatting to a few people. Told them we had been to Leeds and like everyone we told, they were shocked haha. I said it was mainly for Muse but we get to experience both festivals and see other bands. Truth :P

Warpaint weren't bad but weren't anything to shout about either although i did head into the crowd to take a few snaps.

Back to the main stage after this for the rest of the day. Seen Friendly Fires and Interpol. Just sat near the second barrier with a small deckchair we brought with us - lifesaver.

They weren't very good and Interpol must be one of the most boring live bands on the planet. Had such a small crowd, too. I investigated during their set and got about 5 rows from barrier without much hassle. After they finished we placed the deckchair behind the barrier and headed into the growing crowd for Elbow and Muse, in anticipation of a few very special hours.

Elbow, i have to say, were fucking fantastic. Enjoyed them at Leeds but at Reading they were just perfect. The sun was setting and that was just so suiting for a band like Elbow. Got about 7 or 8 rows from barrier at this point - knew we should have headed in properly during Interpol!

The only Elbow song i properly know is Grounds for Divorce which was great live but the have other fantastic songs such as the beautiful One Day Like This, Open Arms, Neat Little Rows. It was majestic.

Camera video i took of Elbow coming on.

:O... :D Woooo! \o/

 

The calm before the storm :P

\o/

 

(final picture before Muse)

Immediately after Elbow things got hectic. The crowd surged forward and we were crammed in like sardines. Even before Muse came on the "domino effect" started happening. If you can't guess, it's where stupid drunk cunts start pushing people just to make others fall over and smash into other people, thus making them fall over. And this was before Muse even came on. I was already a bit scared and had already lost Bryan - was looking forward to sharing at least some of the gig with him :(

When Muse came on with New Born, shit got real. Domino effect every 30 seconds and crushing like nothing else. After fighting for my life during New Born, Bliss and Space Dementia (being unable to enjoy them) i tried my best to retreat a little and managed to get to a slightly safer spot and pay attention to the gig.

I've honestly never been in such a rough crowd. Wembley had a lot of crushing but not to this effect. This was simply the fault of people being drunk and being twats, although i still did my standard confetti throwing during Feeling Good and managed to take a few videos on my phone but the quality is pretty crap. 

Darkshines

Megalomania (fiery stuff!)

The flames at Leeds were better - they even melted part of the stage :P

After Megalomania finished Origin, i said to some random hardcore fan that is was unbelievable, and saddening, that it's the last time those songs will probably be played again. He agreed and we both started chanting for Dead Star! :P
I then decided to chance my arm and head back to the front. Wasn't gonna let some rich, spoiled twats who's mummy and daddy paid for their weekend spoil my fun.

Thankfully, things had calmed down by the time Uprising came on and i was able to enjoy the rest of the set. Got about 3 or 4 rows from the front by the end. Reading highlight was this:



I was on the right side of the stage, as i always am at Muse gigs, so i had a great view of that bassline and that guitar solo played right in front of me. It was so epic even though it was the 4th time i'd seen it!

Stockholm Syndrome was apparently one of Muse's best performances ever, according to people who watched it on tv, but all i remember is going mental with two random guys and jumping about while everyone else stood and watched. Their loss :P

Knights of Cydonia closed the set as usual which is a bit unexciting as it always does it's but always insane fun at the end, as i said.

Some pics:

A Man With a Harmonica

Fin.

Muse saying their goodbyes.

Unfortunately, having watched the tv broadcast of Muse since, i can't spot myself on it. I recognise a few people but that's about it. Also, i'm pissed off that Muse didn't want to show Origin of Symmetry in full. Scared because they hadn't played the songs in years. Like anyone cares. The entire Muse fanbase was looking forward to watching it, and personally i'd have loved to relive it. I love Muse but it's so typical of them to pull something like that. Need to hope they release a DVD. Certainly, there will be fan-made recordings at least.

Yeah, quite disappointed with that and not getting on tv for Muse, although maybe if the whole set was broadcast i might have been.

Bryan and I can be seen during Elbow however...

:D


Anyway, i regrouped with Bryan after the gig and part of my life had been fulfilled by that time. Seriously.

We walked back to the train station, shattered, where my dad and uncle picked us up after a while. It was weird walking around an unknown town centre at 1am...

When we got back, i just crashed into bed, but i was so happy. I had just experienced one of the best weekends of my life, and i shared it with Bryan who was lying beside me as these thoughts ran through my head. It was a surreal moment. My expectations had been more than surpassed. The following statement is also true: I have slept with Bryan.

;D

Ok, not in that sense but waking up the next morning and his smile being the first thing i seen made me so happy :)

We travelled home on Monday, by car, and when we dropped Bryan off i thanked him and told him how grateful i was because, without him this weekend would have never happened. I wouldn't have gone on my own and i would never have been able to see two gigs that will go down in Muse history. I know he wasn't as bothered about seeing them twice as i was, but he did and i have a feeling it was partly for my benefit. Gave him the biggest hug i could have given and told him i'd never forget the past few days. No words were needed on his part, just a smile.


When all is said and done, i have to be honest, i enjoyed Leeds more than Reading. The people i met were nicer and i didn't almost die in the crowd. It was also more special because it was the first time seeing those songs and the second time at Reading, i knew what was going to happen. Not even one tear was shed during Citizen Erased at Reading! :P

Don't get me wrong, Reading was epic and more comfortable because the sun was out but Leeds just had something for me, personally, that Reading didn't. The crowd problems at Reading were scary and made me miss some of the gig but it certainly didn't spoil it. I still seen one of my favourite albums live twice, attended two historic Muse concerts and for that i feel extremely privileged.

I'm a lucky guy, but i'm now a broke guy. Although i really don't care - you couldn't put a price on that weekend :)

Rowan <3