Summer Approaches

And just as well!

I remember that this time last year i was really low, and i mean REALLY low.

It was just really because i was being pushed so hard after finishing exams and i needed a break.

Well, i hate to say, but it's coming to that time again. Ok, i don't feel nearly half as bad as i did then but i can feel it creeping up on me. Just one more week at school and we're done.

But, like last year, i'm still being pushed in all directions by my new subjects and it's just like; FUCK. OFF.

It's not as bad because in senior year it's a bit more relaxed. Free periods, more mature atmosphere etc. but one things that hasn't helped is the confusion around my timetable.

In my last post i said i would be telling my guidance teacher i would like to change back to my original timetable... Yeah, that went down like a lead balloon. You see, SOMEHOW, in the few days i was out of the Modern Studies class, my position was filled meaning i couldn't be put back into it.

I was then forced to pick between loads of subjects that i still didn't want to do but i then found Photography was on offer so i said i'd like to give it a go. This was to my Head of Year as well, so he was all serious about it. I know he was disappointed in me not doing the Advanced English but hey, it's my last year and it's my bloody decision.

Well it turns out Photography wasn't a great choice either. So far. I walked into my first class of it and was bombarded with loads of terms and jargon and ARRRGGGHHHH!

All the meanwhile, im juggling with learning new tenses and practising for speaking in Italian so im like, all over the place.

Using SLR cameras is also something im totally new with and can't quite get my head around. Anyway, i'll stick the class out next week coz i don't want to cause my Head of Year any more hassle than i already have. I know im giving off the impression of being a headless chicken who has no idea of what he wants to do but i picked Photography coz i was interested and coz i couldn't do Modern Studies.

Now the thing is, in early August, after we get our exam results, there is a re-negotiation of subjects that takes place for a few hours in the school. My plan is to waltz in there, hopefully some people have removed themselves from the Modern Studies class freeing up space for yours truly. It's quite a long shot but if it doesn't work im quite stuck.

Also, on a more selfish note, Photography messes up my timetable something awful. It means im in on a Wednesday afternoon and Friday morning, whereas i would have both of them off with Modern Studies. Godly. So yeah, another reason to try and change back.

The worst thing is knowing that i'm the master of my own downfall. If i had just stuck with my timetable, the way i picked it back in April then i would have none of this. No Advanced English crap, no Photography, just a fairly good timetable, and a timetable that i was happy with.
*sigh* This probably sounds really boring and i apologise but yeh, it's really pissing me off right now.


Onto something slightly more interesting.

I am slowly becoming comfortable in school being more... open. I'll be honest, most of my friends could probably guess im at least bi, and i don't try to hide it.

If someone came up and asked me openly if im gay then ok, thats another matter but i would never say flat out "no" to their face coz i just couldn't.

One person that is really helping me be more open is Rob (not like helping as in "Oh i realise whats wrong and i am dedicated to helping you" kind of thing) I've mentioned him before but never really talked about loads. He is bi (as i have said before) or so he claims. Well he has a girlfriend at the moment so yeah...
Anyway, i've been round his house a few days after school recently and it's been lots of fun and quite confidence building.
Don't get the wrong idea... we don't. And i wouldn't. Rob isn't someone i find myself attracted to. He's awfully opinionated and quite irritating sometimes but despite that, i have no problem saying what i feel like to him.
For example, sitting on the laptop, looking at the game character, Ezio, from Assassin's Creed. I was just able to go, "How hot was Ezio at the start of Assassin's Creed 2?" and he just goes, "I totally agree"

We also share a love for Rock Band 3 and music in general. His dad does loads of music stuff, has about 12 bass guitars, 3 drum sets, a stack of guitars and all other bits and bobs. Mandolin anyone?
So Rob's house is like some sort of heaven and he's going to donate an old electronic drum kit to me over the summer after it gets fixed up a bit. That would allow me to play Pro Drums in Rock Band xD

Anyway, it's just awesome that i can say what i like and it's becoming the case with most of my friends. Not quite to the extent that i can with Rob but if there's one goal i can set myself in senior year it's to make progress with that. I guess my biggest success last year was finding these friends to begin with so the next stage beckons i guess.

That's long term stuff but for now, i only have eyes for Friday where i can just say a big "fuck you" to school for a month or so and then i wont have to concern myself with subjects and timetables and tests and general bullcrap.


Rowan <3



Here is a hilarious video about llamas with hats (the hats are irrelevant)