There doesn't seem to be any quiet weeks for me anymore, always gotta be on the ball.
So much homework, things to do, things to organise. Perhaps i shouldn't be posting this and doing some schoolwork :P
Jk
Anyhoo, it isn't school i want to talk about, it's more the people *in* school and also... bisexuality.
There's a few people i'm going to talk about here that i've never mentioned before so hang tight please :)
Firstly, Wednesday. A friend named Rob told me he was bisexual. It was quite random, it happened after Spanish last period and i forgot how the subject came up, but it did ^^ and i was quite surprised - I don't know him greatly (he's new to the school, started this year) but i'm gradually becoming good friends with him and he is also with others so it's all cool.
And after hearing this news i think it's kinda more reason to get to know him better. He's not what i'd term as "hot". In fact, he describes himself as "short and pudgy" but that's neither here nor there, he's still a cool guy albeit with a few... psycological problems.
He sees a counselor, which isn't as common in Britain as it is elsewhere, but yeh as i said, he's a cool guy :)
He hangs around in the group and from what i can gather, people know he's bi and nobody makes a deal of it.
He isn't the only one in the group...
Another guy named Kev also "thinks" he is.
I was walking home with him and another guy on Wednesday (yeh, it was an eventful day :P) and he kept saying, "I'm pretty sure i'm bisexual" really not in a sarcastic or joking way so i asked "For real?" and he confirmed it again so how can i argue? lol
Not done yet, but this one is outside the group, and probably more worth taking a note of than the previous two i have mentioned. Bryan hasn't divulged into his sexuality as yet but i'll say the signs are there and the gaydar is on alert :P
Quite pleasing as he is currently my no.1 cuteboy in the school!!!
He's been on the list for a year or so but it's only this year that i've really got talking to him. He's in 3 of my classes; Music, French and English, which is where the interesting part took place.
I was walking to class with him and we were discussing Romeo and Juliet coz we've started reading it (or you could say analysing it to the point of destruction) and i joked what it would be like if the teacher got two guys or two girls to read the parts of Romeo and Juliet.
Coincidentally, Bryan did get the part of Romeo but i did not get Juliet :( hehe
Anyhoo, after i joked about two guys reading the parts he said "Right that's it, im re-writing the book as a gay version" then continued to jest, "And i'll direct the film too... but no gay love scenes... not everyone will like that" (Heh, Bryan, you never said *you* wouldn't like it)
So there's one side of Bryan's story but as with bisexuality there's usually another lol
He's talked about hot teachers before, and some pop group called The Saturdays and how they're "sooooo stunning" but some things he says makes me think maybe, just MAYBE he likes guys (as well as girls -_-)
Hell, he seems to get on with his cute, little emo friend *rather* well too. One can only fantasize...
(sssshhhhhhhh)
And i also bought the new Guitar Hero just so i could play with Bryan...
*blushes*
As i said, quite a busy old week on the whole... sexuality front but it usually is in my mind, in and amongst all the school work and what not.
What's making school really tough is the amount of tests coming up in virtually *all* of my subjects as well as the music video we are making in Media Studies. Honestly, making a 3 minute video really gets you to appreciate how much work goes into films etc. plus, we haven't even started filming and it's already pretty stressful!
I'll busy myself with the knowledge that i'm certainly not the only non-straight person in the school, as it has seemed like thats the case for the past 4 years.
Rowan <3
P.S Wow, first ever tag as "bisexual" :P
P.P.S Here's a humorous little story about a 5 year old boy who dressed up as a girl for Halloween. Criticised by many of the other mothers, just read what the boy's mum had to say. Epic stuff - http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2010/11/05/mums-defence-of-cross-dressing-5-year-old-becomes-internet-hit/
juiceboys *2524
1 week ago
Hey Rowan.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a busy week in your world. And lots of sexual stuff too.
That's pretty awesome that Rob was comfortable enough to tell you he's bisexual. Maybe once you get to know him better, you could talk to him about things. I'm not saying you have to tell him your gay, but maybe feel things out and get an idea of how it worked for him.
Quit perving on Bryan :-P. That's not nice. Although, who knows, maybe he's perving on you too. Like you said, one can only fantasize. Good luck with him. I think it's time some of your 'I'm lonely, I really want to date someone' prayers should be answered. It's only fair.
Hope you're well.
143
_Kevin
Seriously dude. Are you, like going to be the last one out of the closet at your school? I know all good Englishmen have an image of being reserved--but damn! Do you really want to be the last one, or one of the first ones? Remember what they say about the early bird getting the worm--there's a double entendre in there somewhere--lol.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, it sounds like people are starting to give you some pretty brave hints. And are starting to sort themselves out sexually. Do you want them to be the only brave ones there? You may lose a "friend" or two, but it sounds like not too many, and you'll gain new friends of the right sort. AND have more of a "first dibs" on the hottest guys. You watch, it'll start breaking loose this year to a degree, you'll either be one of the first (and respected for it and admired by the others) or mid-pack or deadlast. It's still your choice at this point.
I hope you don't end up an old man 50 years from now, with no interesting stories to tell.
Those stories have to be made to happen (or later they have to be "made up), and time is a'wastin'. Sounds like it's time to "get busy" in more ways than one.
Think about it, in a few decades, when you're an old geezer, and you start telling some young whippersnapper about your young days--you don't want them to fall asleep, or worse, look at you with pity. "By cracky, back when I was your age I.... (snoooore). Hey wake up you young ingrate!" I'm just saying these things HAVE to be prepared for decades in advance. That means right freaking now! Now don't let the closet door slam you in the ass on your way out.
Geez--two in one week-bisexual--out of 1500 kids--just two you happened to meet. Are you sure your name isn't Jasper Janee? Geeez--I hope you don't turn out to be fake too, my heart will break again-lol (just kidding--but not much).
But like JJ you seem to be having some good luck--I hope you "get lucky" even more in the next few weeks. But that's entirely up to you.
It was humorist Mark Twain who said that "Youth is WASTED on the Young." What do you think he meant by that? I certainly didn't prove him wrong when I was your age--and have damn few interesting stories to tell as a result. I'd put you to sleep if I told them to you. I hope you do better than I did.
You are in what they call "The very flower of youth." My advice is open your closet door, go outside and do some gardening.
Till next time, G
BTW, I just read your link about the 5yo boy dressing as Daphne from Scooby-Doo. It was refreshing and hilarious. And the mothers response to those nattering old biddies was spot on! Scooby-Doo was one of my favorite shows when I was a kid too, dunno if they have it over in the UK tho?
ReplyDeleteG
A break from school work is always good. Heck, I'm doing it now :P
ReplyDeleteYou always tend to assume that EVERYONE is straight unless they specifically tell you differently. But you get to realise that that is definitely not the case... Through personal experiences mostly! :D
As I've always said: you're not on your own. You may think you are, but school is a big place full of many many different people and you've just got to wait around until you find out who's who, as you seem to be doing right now ^_^.
Romeo and Juliet? I'm doing that in school as well. If you haven't already watched it, I'd recommend checking out the Franco Zeffirelli film version. It's awesome if you're feeling down (I know it's a tragedy but honestly, to a modern day audience the first half of it is really really funny!) and want to laugh at about 50 guys in the world's most revealing tights ever :L
You bought the GH to play it with him? I'm going to take a moment out to be a girl here and say that that's very cute :P
Lauren x
Hello Rowan
ReplyDeleteI saw the Halloween boy's and mother's experience link on another site, and I have to say I find it more sad than humorous. That someone should have to defend themselves because their 5 year old son dresses up says a lot about the depth of bigotry and homophobia that's out there. As the mother said, if it had been a 5 year old girl dressed up in a male costume, no-one would've batted an eyelid, so why is the opposite case such an issue to some people?
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Here are some other things I wanted to say last night.
ReplyDeleteI think what you took as a "random occurrence", in that two different guys happened to make the point of telling you that they are bisexual, was probably anything BUT random. As you yourself have proven, most gay or bisexual teenagers don't do that at random, unless they do it like Gabey did-by accident. Most gay or bi kids endlessly study everyone around them for years and years. Or if they are the new kid, for months and months. They winnow the list of possible gay or bi kids down in their heads till they think they know who might or might not be.
At 16, if you're not dating girls yet, you're strongly putting yourself on some other lonely gay/bi boys (plural) "personal lists". That is just as important, or more so, than making a point of not making hurtful gay remarks, and deliberately giving off negative vibes when you hear them. Believe me, you are being scoped out by probably a lot more than just those two. In a school your size, there are probably several who have their eye on you, trying to get their nerve up to approach you.
BTW, when they say "I'm bisexual", that doesn't necessarily mean they primarily like girls. Most of the TRULY bisexual boys no doubt still think they are str8. At your age, it means they primarily think they like boys, but think (HOPE!) they MIGHT like girls some (maybe) and want to leave themselves an out, in case they were 100% wrong about you (or themselves) and you tell everybody and everybody makes fun. Those two guys were taking a HUGE risk telling you that, and no matter what it looked like, it was probably well planned. And had been planned for weeks, or months maybe.
You talk about the hot guys there, but if I don't miss my guess, you are on THAT list yourself--every gay kids personal list of "hot guys" at your school. At least those who know you, or know OF you.
I'm not talking out of my ass here. Don't forget, I know your real name. I have seen your REAL picture on two different social websites, that I won't mention here. You are tall dark and handsome, and would've been on "my A-list" when I was your age. I bet that picture at the top of your blog is you and your Mom probably. I'm not sure about her, but I'm pretty sure that is you. You are a good looking, tall and slim young man.
Trust me, there are a lot of guys at your school, who are lonely and twisting in the wind about whether to "come out" or not. None of them knows for sure if they would be the only one to do it for "ages and ages", and no one wants to go first. No one wants to be the "only gay kid" in high school, but there are 1500 kids in your huge school. Half are boys, that's 750. Five to ten percent are gay, an unknown percent are bisexual to one degree or another. Do the math. You wouldn't be alone for more than a week or two most likely, then it would quietly and earnestly and carefully start to break loose. You and those two other guys could lead the way.
With your tall and slim, dark and handsome looks, and probably being on a lot of gay guys secret "crush lists", you would be immediately looked to as an example. You are also athletic, on the soccer team, and a musician and on top of that you play a bass guitar. Musicians are always cool, and so are athletes.
[PART ONE OF TWO]
[PART TWO OF THREE]
ReplyDeleteSo, lets summarize, you are a tall and slim, dark and handsome, athlete, and a guitar playing musician. Did I leave anything out? If/when you come out, you are immediately at or near the top of the new "gay A-List" at your school. Ever been at the top of any "A-List" before? Please don't become egotistical because of what I say, but I think it's true, you maybe can't see it, but you are a reasonably good looking young guy, and did I mention a musician, and athlete, tall and slim. When you come out you will be looked to as an example for others in your school to follow. You won't be alone long.
And you will start a slow and deliberate mini-avalanche as the gay guys, including those who were secretly crushing on you in their hearts [and elsewhere :) ], start to cautiously declare their sexuality. In a month of two, you may have to start beating them off with a stick (and that's NOT a play on words BTW--"beating them off with a stick" haha). Just my way of telling you what I think is really going on at your school. It sounds like two random guys, who maybe did or did not even know each other (I dunno--you didn't say), simply got tired of waiting for you to publicly say which way the wind blew with you and decided to depend on your discretion ( a BIG chance for them to take in their minds!) and try to halfway tell you they were maybe gay.
BTW, at 15 or 16, "I'm bisexual" is often teenage "gayspeak" for "I'm probably all the way gay, but I just don't have the nerve to say it yet, or I haven't 'given up hope' on myself--lol". Maybe one or both really IS bisexual, maybe one or both is all the way gay. Either way, it doesn't matter. The point is they probably said it first to you, or you and a select few others.
Like I said, it is going to break loose this very year. You can pretty much count on that. You guys are growing up, and meanwhile the world is changing around you at lightspeed. You can make your lonely feverish "plans", for the next two years. Or you can take a chance with these two guys and reciprocate the (to them) terrible chance they took with you, by reciprocating to them what THEY did for you.
It matters not, whether or not you are attracted to EITHER of them. Coming out to someone, even if they maybe do have a crush on you (dunno), doesn't mean you automatically have to become their boyfriend.
[PART THREE OF THREE]
ReplyDeleteI think your strategy is to wait for the "right boy" to come up and tell you that he is gay and likes you. Then you two will just keep it a secret from everyone else including your parents and the whole darn universe, and thereby YOU don't have to take any chances? Is that your strategy?? What matters is that you start and continue the process of making it socially safe for all the GLBT kids at your massive school to come out of their closets. You can start with these two boys and that lesbian girl you spoke of a week or two ago. That is the way a snowball starts rolling. Those two started it rolling. Now you can keep it rolling by just alleviating their fears that they may have been mistaken in confiding this to you, by telling them BOTH that you are gay or bi as well--whichever you are at this stage.
This will in turn encourage them to tell others on their list. Especially if you don't reciprocate (what is probably) their interest (or at least curiosity) about you. They would then naturally have to seek boyfriends elsewhere, which means them telling someone else. You might have the courage to do the same, having done it two or three times (2 boys and 1 girl). It just takes practice, coming out. Once you've done it with a person or 2 it's not such a big deal. Pretty soon there will be a group of you, out of your closets. And maybe you will find your boyfriend among them. That's how it's done.
I hope you change your strategy from whatever it is, to that one or something like it. So you can finally stop "wishing and hoping". Sometimes, when every one else (except those two brave boys last week!) is afraid to go first, someone has to just go ahead already. A good first "practice run" at coming all the way out in the future, would be to reciprocate this coming week with those two who took such a gamble on your own discretion last week. Relieve their minds, and do for them what they did for you last week. Come out to them and the girl, this week or the next. Take my word, tho they may or may not admit it, they probably thought they had you figured out. Relieve their minds by letting them know they were not wrong to trust you with their BIGGEST secret. Tell them yours, that's how it's done.
This IS the crack in the door you've been waiting for. Change your "strategy", and go for it. If you do this, mark my words well, you will have a boyfriend within one to two months, maybe just a week or two, one can never tell. Just depends on how everything plays out. But these guys are showing you a way to start coming out, don't lose the opportunity.
Good Luck, G
Rowan,
ReplyDeleteI see your very thoughtful comments on other young peoples' blogs, and want to say thanks!
As to your friends and classmates bringing up bisexuality...and I hope I'm not being too blunt...could their "gaydar" be pinging? (For a funny gaydar story, see my latest post. Yeah, I'm an attention hound...hahahaha)
With the one exception on my blog, mine has been dead on. So as G suggests, perhaps this is a way to start out of the closet. If that is what you want.
Glad life is busy, otherwise it's boring! Keep up the schoolwork, and have FUN!
Peace <3
Jay