Not a Happy Bunny... To Put It Lightly

This week has been a dreadfully long one, i can't even begin to describe.

Just simply been full of... shit i.e tests, homework, the lot, the usual stuff.

Wednesday was an exceptionally low day, had all of the above times about... 4. Not just that but mum and dad had one of the biggest arguments in recent memory. It was without doubt, my worst day of the year so far :/

While today was relatively quiet in comparison, it still wasn't great. I was expecting my weekly EMA but didn't receive it for some reason, but worst of all when i get home i hear that mum is heading off to London for the weekend.

Make of that what you will but i can certainly add 2 and 2 together.

I asked about it before she went. Asked if anything was wrong, if she was going to see family or anything and she got really uptight and defensive, "I'll go where i like thank you, none of your business" kinda horseshit.

So yeah, she's in London doing fuck knows what and has left us here with very little notice. I'm sorry but thats fucking selfish. Yeah, she has her own life and can do what she likes but come on, lets be realistic here. It's just not right.

Also, if she isn't seeing family, who the fuck is she seeing?

Actually, fuck it id rather not know but its all fucked up either way. Mum can honestly be so selfish sometimes and it's really not fair on my dad, he works his ass off and tries his best every bloody day and then this happens. I really feel sorry him a lot, what more can the man do?

If he went away for a weekend there would be total uproar but mum can just waltz off when and wherever the hell she wants?

Maybe im not in the right position to say this but im really pissed off with her and very upset by all this.
I'll certainly be taking the issue up with her whenever the fuck she decides to return.
Just wanna punch something right now. Horrible few days.


Rowan <3


PS As if to add insult to injury, Bryan is getting his lovely, lovely, cute hair cut tomorrow :(

Past Week or Two of Non-Activity

Interrupting this unannounced blogger break just to chat about what's been going on over the past two weeks i haven't posted in.

For the past week, it's been the October break, or "half term" as it might elsewhere be known. Quite funny that i've received my full EMA allowance for only 4 days attendance in 2 weeks but it's been pretty lazy to be honest. I've had a few days out with friends and what not, and that's mainly what i want to talk about.

Over the past week, i've went out 3 times. Twice we went to play football, and yesterday we went to Laser Tag, and dressed up in suits ^^ Yep, suits. It was International Suit Day on Wednesday and i missed it so yesterday was a reprise. Running around in suits, shooting people with laser guns. It was great fun but it's left me thinking...

You see, i went with friends from my "old" group of friends instead of with my "new" group.

I've made up mostly with everyone, even Steven to some extent, but i still haven't hung around with them socially, in school, since i disbanded myself about a month ago now. And that's where the trouble lies, i don't want to just go to this new group for a few weeks then bugger off back and pretend nothing happened. They would feel used and i would seem fickle.

And what's more is i like them. I don't know them all *really* well but i would say i know them fairly well and most of them are very kind, caring, more accepting - certainly more so than people from the "old" group - which is why i went there in the frist place but outwith school i haven't hung out with them much.

The fact i haven't seen them over the October holildays but i've went out with people from my "old" group on 3 separate occasions says something, i think.
I think it says I am still better friends with people from "old" rather than "new" group. Alex, Louis, Alan et al.
To be honest, i don't even hate Steven, i'll be glad to see him go, but truthfully he is just an annoyance. He says things that can just make my blood boil and calls things and people "gay" with virtually every other sentence.
This is something i thought would deisappear slightly with the new folk but it hasn't really, seems calling things "gay" is just universal. However, for example, if they knew i was gay they would certainly be more accepting than people from the "old" group. Hell, there is even a girl, Bella, who is totally anti-homophobic and really kind. She openly says she loves gay people.

I just see it as having this opportunity to hang out with more mature and understanding people and i don't want to be left regretting that chance but at the same time, i don't want to leave some good, old friends like Alex and Louis behind.

I like most of the people from both groups and I sorta feel like on Monday I'm going to have to choose who im going to go and hang with and it's really fucking tough. If i really think about it, i would say i feel more inclined to go back to my old friends, especially after yesterday's absolutely brilliant day.

It's a lot to think about and for the past week it's been driving me up the wall. I wish i could explain it to maybe one person from each group. Probably Alex, but i dunno who from the other group.

And one last problem is that people from both groups rarely mix with each other so it's not really something that can be fixed by dividing my time up with different people.

New Group --------------- Rowan --------------- Old Group

Friendships, huh? Jeeeeez :/


Elsewhere, Liverpool FC are crap, "Grandma" Knitter has gotten ill and school is back in tomorrow. Great.


Rowan <3

Bit o' Good news, Bit o' "Bad" News

But which first? O_O


Good news i think, coz it wont make sense if i start with the bad.

Righty, so i can't remember if i mentioned this or not but at the start of the school year i signed up to get a little something something called EMA - Education Maintenance Allowance.

Basically, i am entitled to 30 pounds a week providing i don't miss any school. It's taken a few weeks to sort everything out and get paperwork sorted etc. but this morning it finally came through in my bank account :D

(which i can access online btw :P)

It was also backdated for the full 6 weeks i've been at school so far, so i received 180 pounds in one go!

They say money doesn't bring happiness but i havent been happier all week.


So yes, i have that set up, with fortnightly deposits into my newly acquired bank account. I'm also going to get that updated so i can get a debit card and i can have my own amazon account etc. Gonna be real epic. Becoming quite independent, me :)

Another thing this EMA entitles me to is *drum roll*... CONTACT FUCKING LENSES!!!

But that's the bad news.

They cost. A fair bit. 34 pounds a month to be precise.

It varies tho. 34 for daily contacts but like 18 pound for fortnightly and 10 pound for monthlies. I would get them instead but you need to be so damn hygenic with them (not tht im not) but i would just forget and end up with some crazy eye infection probably. Also, if you lose one, you're screwed for a month :/

Dailies are most expensive but better. C'est la vie.

On top of that, i now need to pay for my lunch at school, school material and sports subscription on tv - all stuff that my mum and dad used to pay for.

I done my maths (no, i really did) and it works out that, each month, i will only really receive half of what i probably would have without all that stuff, bout 60 quid.

That's the bad news from my point of view but you all probably think i'm crazy coz i still get a fair amount of money. It bugs me coz everyone else who gets EMA gets to spend the full lot and i only really get half. Just shows, it really does pay to have 20/20 vision. Damn you lucky bastards who do!!!

The contacts have been fun btw. Not. Lol, they're a total pain but i'm getting better. Everyone i know who wears them can like put them in with their feet without a mirror :P

Still takes me about 5 minutes to get them in while using a mirror. And then there's folks who say that they never actually have to take their contacts out! Wtf!? That would save me a shit load of money if i could do tht! Idk...

Better than specs tho. Manky things.


Suppose EMA has been just about the only interesting thing to happen to me the past few weeks. Not much has changed with regards to school itself. Still hanging around with my new circle of friends. Most people at the table want me back (not bragging lol) and even those who fell out with me, and Steven, have tried to make it up with me and apologise.

I couldn't give a shiny shit tbh.

I'll talk with them if i must but i don't plan on going back and hanging out with them. I'm fine to leave it there, ta very much.


Oh, lastly. Almost forgot. I got Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Finally \o/

Needless to say, it's simply magical but how many holes are there in Blackburn, Lancashire?

Answer: 4000, and i think i must have been living in one of them for the past 16 years of my life!!!


Rowan <3