Change...and Stuff

I wanted to maybe keep this for my 200th post (this is 187) but i thought why should i wait?

You see, i don't really consider my blog to be "daily" anymore. It probably hasn't ever been, i would say. And this current name has also been floating around since the first day i created my blog.
I even made a second blog using this name but decided against it, so ive changed this blog from "Daily Doings" to "Rowan's Room"

It's still the same blog, still the same everything, essentially. Im not changing the background, nor the URL (simply coz everyone on their blogs would also have to change it, so why the hassle?) or anything.
The only thing i have changed is that my email address is back in the sidebar :)

So there's some change for ya. Hope it doesn't come as too much of a shock ;)


Anyhoo, as for current events. Mum returned on Sunday evening but really wasn't up for long enough before going to bed. Btw, don't picture that as she just came right in and went straight to bed, it just wasn't the right time to talk to her.
I did this morning, briefly.
I asked how London was and she replied "good"
I probably sounded over suspicious asking, "Get up too much?" but she just replied "no."
But then i pushed it further, "Why did you really go down?" and she goes, "to see someone"
"I seen your dad wasn't working so i decided to have a few days off, like a little holiday, if even that"

Yeh, as you do. "Someone". Well, "someone"... doesn't sound great to me. Surely, the trip was more important than just going down to see "someone" Call me paranoid but that just doesn't sound good to me, can't even name the person she went down to see.
"It's nothing sinister" she tried to assure but whatever. I don't want to know any more.


Today, in general, was an average day. I was kinda nervous going into english to see Bryan with his new haircut coz i'd been thinking that i maybe i was only interested in him coz he had awesome hair (how shallow would that have been?) but that was disproved, he still looks hot as ever to me :)
And his hair isn't even awfully short. Plus, he's got a little ear stud xD
I noticed it coz i sit behind him in english and i was thinking to myself, "Is that... holy crap it's an ear stud!"
I asked him about it and he said he had it since he was like 4 (which rings a bell actually, i think he'd told me that once before) but he hasn't been wearing it recently.
Its so cute tho, i love it haha, i told him it looked cool, and so does his hair... :$

I also got a very good school report and im on track to achieve 5 A's in my exams this year. Yeah... pressure much?
I think i can A french and spanish for definite, probably music. Media... depends on the day i think but english im not so sure about. It's certainly the subject i have to work hardest at. Perhaps its coz i just stare at Bryan all lesson and dont concentrate on my work, like last year in English with Alan lol (what am i like?)
So, yeh, the heat's been turned up at school.

Also, and i know you'll tell me to shut up after you read this, but i had another chance to at least say i was bi today. I always walk to the train station with Kev and a girl called Susan. It's great fun, Kev, as you know, is bi, and Susan really doesnt care who's gay and who isn't.
Anyway, Kev wasnt there today but Rob was, funnily enough, and we got to the train station, just started talking about randoms and Rob always does this thing where he pretends to kiss me and Susan went, "Maybe you should check if he's gay first?" and looks at me inquisitively.
I said nothing tho, again. But im annoyed coz i know it wouldnt be a big deal, to just say something like "You're half right" and there you go. (I still wouldnt chance being openly gay)
Half of me wanted to say it but the other half kept it in. Maybe another day? :P

I said this was an average day but i suppose, in reflection, it was quite eventful. Whaddya know!?

Hope you like the changes, everyone!


Rowan <3



This is quite a poppy song and not something i would have thought id listen to, but as someone in the comments section of this vid says, "if franz ferdinand and the whitestripes/raconeteurs had a child this would be it"
So true, great song. Give it a go!

Not a Happy Bunny... To Put It Lightly

This week has been a dreadfully long one, i can't even begin to describe.

Just simply been full of... shit i.e tests, homework, the lot, the usual stuff.

Wednesday was an exceptionally low day, had all of the above times about... 4. Not just that but mum and dad had one of the biggest arguments in recent memory. It was without doubt, my worst day of the year so far :/

While today was relatively quiet in comparison, it still wasn't great. I was expecting my weekly EMA but didn't receive it for some reason, but worst of all when i get home i hear that mum is heading off to London for the weekend.

Make of that what you will but i can certainly add 2 and 2 together.

I asked about it before she went. Asked if anything was wrong, if she was going to see family or anything and she got really uptight and defensive, "I'll go where i like thank you, none of your business" kinda horseshit.

So yeah, she's in London doing fuck knows what and has left us here with very little notice. I'm sorry but thats fucking selfish. Yeah, she has her own life and can do what she likes but come on, lets be realistic here. It's just not right.

Also, if she isn't seeing family, who the fuck is she seeing?

Actually, fuck it id rather not know but its all fucked up either way. Mum can honestly be so selfish sometimes and it's really not fair on my dad, he works his ass off and tries his best every bloody day and then this happens. I really feel sorry him a lot, what more can the man do?

If he went away for a weekend there would be total uproar but mum can just waltz off when and wherever the hell she wants?

Maybe im not in the right position to say this but im really pissed off with her and very upset by all this.
I'll certainly be taking the issue up with her whenever the fuck she decides to return.
Just wanna punch something right now. Horrible few days.


Rowan <3


PS As if to add insult to injury, Bryan is getting his lovely, lovely, cute hair cut tomorrow :(

TwEnTy 10...

I suppose this is like a review for those who can be interested enough to read. I suppose im writing it more for myself (although your comments are still very welcome) but how can i not review and reflect over such an eventful year?


Im looking back at the review i wrote last year and some of my premonitions were right. I looked ahead to the next decade last year instead of just this year, "This decade, i will be sitting important exams (as well as this year, in fact.) I will be getting a job, possibly a career. Friends will more than likely come and go."

1. I have indeed sat important exams and thankfully done well in them
2. I don't currently have a job, or a career obviously. That one is more long term.
3. Now how about that? Well, i guess by this time last year i was already getting sick of Steven but never would i have foreseen September's events!

And here's the biggy... "And perhaps most importantly, it will be the decade in which i finally take the step out of this small and dark closet and come out myself to my friends and family."

Never in a million year would i have thought that (part of) it would have happened this year. Hence why i said decade and not year. I honestly never planned to have any friends or family know for at least another few years and that is the truth.

But it all started in January (Sunday, 31st, 3:55pm) when i came out to my cousin, Lauren.
Thankfully, she took it all so well and even now has her own blog amongst us which is definetely one of my highlights for this year.

February/March/April continued the feel good trend. I met a lot of online friends. 3 in particulary. Ummm... (dunno what to call him)... JJ... and also David and DJ.

Thinking about it, the first 4 months of this year were the best. Things were the smoothest then.


May was where it started to get rocky with the exams. Lots of stress and work but i got through it ok and i was rewarded, i guess, with June: a very good month. Birthday, beginning of summer, a family get together in the scorching summer heat of London. Another highlight i'd say, partly because it was great to see family and it was the first time id met anyone, in the flesh, that knew i was gay - Lauren, of course.
The whole event was only marred by the stupid and immature actions of a certain other cousin but never mind.


July was mainly good but the tail end was horrible. First of the month, i jetted off to Lanzarote with my mum and sister and had a great time. Came back to London for a few days and it was the last time i ever saw Grandma Knitter, who left me with "Have a good life" ... :'(

Anyhoo, end of the month. JJ was revealed for who he was... Richard. Im not going into it coz i think we all know the story but from then on and into August/September, i disconnected myself from this blogging world, the friends i had met and honestly, my home life. The whole thing left me quite fucked to put it nicely. Not even my exam results made me feel particulary good.
Mum had a long chat with me about August, too, and i almost came out to her there but i couldnt...


I was only revived by the thoughts of going to see Muse at Wembley and hopefully ending my friendship with Steven, both of which were a success. Muse was another definite highlight of my year, id say my life in fact. I will remember September 11th for the rest of my life which is something not many can say in a positive light.

Not a week later, The Pope decided to pop on over to Britain for a visit and change my social group, something i guess i should thank him for. Dunno how i would have pulled it off without his interference :P
But it was a good thing, i now socialise with people with people who's views and opinions are the same as mine, or at least, more similar.


November/December was really been me settling into this group of friends, something that has went quite well. I've got two bi friends which is epic. And hey, at this stage, gay could also mean bi... I would never come out as gay in school so why would they ever? Bi is the safer bet so they could be gay for all i know.


December was quite literally surreal. First of all, the very sad passing of Grandma Knitter, which actually was November, same night as Biffy Clyro but the funeral was in December. Queue my third trip of the year to London. It was, mostly, a very sad occasion but at least i still got to see some family while i was there, with whom, we celebrated the life of a very special person.


And of course, to round off... December 25th...

I still can't get over it. It's still strange being out to my mum and i expect thats the way it will be for a while. If you want the honest truth from me, im gonna say it, id have prefered my mum not to know for, at the very least, another year. I truly think i wasnt ready to be in this situation but here i am... openly gay to my mum.

Even typing that is so odd. If you had said to me, this time last year, that id be out to my mum i would have told you to take a run and jump. Prizes go to that for the most unexpected event of my year, again, perhaps of my life. But this is a much bigger thing than a concert or (no disresepect) metting online friends. What happened a few days ago will affect the rest of my life and the thought of that is mind-blowing.

As i said, at the moment, its still weird. Im not used to it. Nothing more has been said but honestly, i feel kinda awkward being alone with my mum in the same room. I dont really know how she's taken it. I guess it wasn't so much of a surprise but now she knows... she's probably done a lot of personal thinking about it too, as have i.


As always, with an end of year review we must look ahead to next year. Id prefer not to if this year is anything to go by. Yes, ive mentioned a lot of positives and amazing events but there have been some extreme lows and i really dont want to experience them again but there's nothing i, or anyone else, can do about it. Bad times will keep on occuring when they are unwanted...

And everyone here, if you werent here with me through these lows, i dont want to imagine where id be or what kind of state i would be in without all your help, advice and wisdom. I would certainly have struggled a lot more than i did at points so my endless thanks to each and every one of you here who has ever commented. You are very important people to me and i sincerely hope that remains so.


Well, i guess its goodbye to 2010 and into 2011 we go...

*takes deep breath*





Rowan <3

Coming Out at Christmas - The Story

I've had some time to think between yesterday and today but it hasn't really sunk in yet any. It's going to be weird for a while i think. For me, coz i've lived for the best part of 3/4 years of being the only person in the house who knows i aint straight but also for my mum, coz obviously its a lot for her to take in as well, i understand and respect that.

But here's how it all happened -  (Im gay mum, Merry Christmas! ko :P)


We were all up by 10/11 and opened our presents etc, everything was fine. Mum and dad were cooking in the kitchen from about 1pm onwards and i got into a discussion with my dad who revealed he hated Christmas and mum did as well coz it reminds them of people who have passed away and how they cant be here. It was quite heavy stuff but then we got talking about how he would like to spend a holiday abroad one year and he said, "In years to come, when you're with your wife maybe you'll want to as well" and then mum came out with "Or partner" O.O

Not long after that, maybe 10 minutes, my dad said, "You're mum thinks you're gay you know... you heard what she said earlier"
I completely froze and retreated to my room immediately.
I fell asleep, came downstairs for starters but didnt eat anything, i had no appetite whatsoever after what i heard from my dad so i went back upstairs and lay down and i started crying, i cant pinpoint exactly what about.
I fell asleep again and completely missed Christmas dinner, but i didnt want to be sitting up in my room while everyone else was enjoying themselves downstairs so i made an effort but it just wasnt happening. Mum told me to go back upstairs and that she'd be up in a minute.

As i went up the stairs, i got a strange feeling like it was time, dunno, i just did.
So mum came up, gave me a glass of water and sat with me on my bed, me still crying, i tried to pass off that i was upset cause nobody liked celebrating Christmas but she seen right through it. So i told her about what dad said and it was her turn to freeze.

- GTFO, Take Your Mama by Scissor Sisters just came on iTunes as im typing this O_O -

Anyway, i think she knew what i was getting at so she asked me why i was upset at that and i told her it was because id never known she thought that (ok, i had suspicion but now it was confirmed)
She asked if i wanted to talk about it, but i really didnt at the time, i said i was uncomfortable talking about it, and i was - with my mum of course.
So we just sat a few more minutes and she said dad was wrong for saying what he said coz it wasnt his business and he was raised differently, thinking me do this certain type of thing and that.
By this point, i knew all she wanted was for me to say it but i just couldnt squeeze out those few words but then, "Look, i'll admit ive been suspicious for a little while, i've noticed your interest in Stephen Fry (godammit Stephen, you outed me!!!) you picking that AIDS charity, you dont really hang about with boys, things like that. Sometimes, ive not given it much thought and sometimes its got me thinking. But i dont care, i love you, and i would even if you were an axe-wielding maniac" she chuckled.

I knew the game was up, so to speak, but it was still 20 minutes of me trying to find my voice to say it before i actually did. "I know somethings bothering you, please just tell me, i want to help you"
The glass of water was shaking in my hand, i had chewed the straw in the glass down to nothing. Mum took it off me, sat it down. I took a deep breath...

"Im gay, mum" I uttered, and with that she pulled me into her arms even tighter and we pretty much stayed that way for another 20 minutes before dad came up asking if everything was ok. I was still choked up but i wasn't crying and we managed to pass it off but when he left i told mum more. I told her only Lauren knew, told her i stopped being friends with Steven because of it. She asked how long i'd known, i told her a few years.
I told her specifically that i didn't want to tell dad coz i dont know how he'd react, same with my brother and sister. She said she wouldn't tell a soul and i know that will be so difficult for her. I said to her that i didn't want to put her in that position but she said "Don't worry, i'll handle it and i wont tell anyone until you're ready even if its two years down the line or more"

She revealed she got particularly suspicious back in August when i had a long talk with her about everything that happened during the summer and in turn, i revealed to her that i almost told her then.

Finally, she said it didn't change anything at all. She knows it isn't a choice, "its just the way you are, i accept that" she said. "And i still love you and always will"
I cried again...

She gave me one last big hug and went downstairs and i lay back on my bed, drained, and not long after that i typed yesterdays post.


In case you're wondering, i estimate that i told her between half 6 and 7pm.
But as i said, its still quite weird. Once you're out, you don't go back in which is quite a scary thought and honestly, i'd actually have prefered not to tell her yesterday, perhaps leave it for another few months, i dunno, i certainly had no plan for it to happen yesterday (of all days!) but either way, its done now and i cant change that. And now im going to contradict myself by saying that i wouldnt want to change it either :P

The thing that worries me most right now is mum knowing and nobody else knowing. I'm sure she wont accidentally slip up but i cant imagine the pressure ive put on her which is what im worried about...
As well as the slightly less minor problem that i think there might be a strange vibe for a few weeks while we both come to terms. As i said, ive only been out a day after years of being... in... It's strange but yeh, i wouldn't want to change it.

She came in to say goodnight about 11 last night and i was sitting on the computer. She told me she was proud of me and again, that she loved me. I told her i couldn't thank her enough but she passed it off, "Im you're mum, thats what im here for"
I decided i might as well have a little celebration of my own so i "borrowed" some whiskey, some beer and two tubs of pringles and stuck Stephen Fry in America on. Coincidentally, its a gift i got earlier in the day :P

I made this post a lot longer than i planned, but naturally, i have a lot on my mind right now so thanks for bearing with me. Love you all, guys!


Rowan <3

The Black Sheep

In my family of 5, i am the only one who is actually not Catholic. My mum, dad, brother and sister all consider themselves to be so.

I suppose i'm quite lucky in the respect that neither my mum or dad are strict Catholics. It makes things a little easier. Or at least i would like to think so.

I myself, was raised a Catholic, was baptised and made my Communion etc. etc. but over the past few years i have become less interested in religion as a whole, renounced my faith and no longer consider myself to be Catholic.

While religion isn't a touchy subject in the house, the fact that i am not Catholic has never been challenged by my parents and i kinda wondered why recently. It isn't really talked about much so i found myself wondering if anyone actually knew that im not Catholic. It's not talked about so i had no idea.


What's the point in this post?

Well, yesterday i thought i would make it clear once and for all about my (lack of) religious views.

I told my mum when she was sorting out some clothes in my room. I said, "Mum, you know how this is a Catholic family? Like you and dad are Catholic, and raised us all Catholic"

"Yes"

"Well, i was just wondering if you had anything against me being not Catholic, or even religious"

She looked at me as if to say "that was a bit random" but then continued on and said "Well no, not really, you're old enough to make you're own informed decision. You might find in years to come you go back to religion but it's not that important. Why?"

"I was just wondering really, i didn't want you to be disappointed in me coz you raised me as Catholic"

She kinda chuckled "Well, we can hardly be called Catholic, we haven't been to church in at least a year"

"Yeh, i suppose. Thanks"


And there it was. I was quite happy for the rest of the night after that conversation - I think it tells a great deal about my mum's tolerance levels, which obviously is very pleasing.

If only i could get a similar reaction about something else...

I've honestly no idea how that could go, i was nervous enough asking (even though i wasn't expecting a hugely negative respsone) about the whole Catholic thing, let alone thinking about coming out to my mum, who btw would be the first person in my family i would tell.

I think that says quite a lot, that i consider my mum to be the first person i would tell. I do trust my mum but it's so difficult to try and gauge a reaction. I could imagine it being really awkward but perhaps she might gradually be ok with it.

But i really don't know.

She cracks gay jokes sometimes, no malice intended, but i think she would stop that if i were to come out to her.

My dad on the other hand, is a different story. He's not a strict Catholic either but he has a right downer on gay people. "The only gay I ever had time for was Freddie Mercury" he said not long ago. So he's out of the question.

Sad as it is, i could imagine him never talking to me again.

My brother and sister are also out of the question. My brother is far too immature to even understand and my sister, too young.

There are *NO* friends i would even consider telling, just for the record.

So that really only does leave my mum.


...and I have been thinking quite a lot (more than usual, anyway) about it.

I don't know how much of a surprise it would be, but surely the signs are there - I blow-dry and straighten my hair, i openly idolise Stephen Fry... I have a poster of Freddie freakin' Mercury on my wall for god's sake! :P

Maybe... i think my dad is fairly clueless though. E.g we're in the car and we drive by some young woman (lol) "Isn't she a nice one son?"

"Uhuh... sure" *weak smile*

So maybe he has no idea, or maybe he's suspicious, and is scared that i'm gay. Who knows. It's a lot to think about.


I see me telling my mum that i'm not Catholic is progress, i really do. And the fact that she accepts that and understands it, is testament to that progress.

Later she even said "I hope you've not been staying up late worrying about that."

I haven't been.

So, yes, while i am the black sheep of the family in two respects (not Catholic, and presumably the only gay one) good signs are appearing but i'm not going to jump the gun just yet. I wonder if i'll ever have the courage :/

Sometimes i can envisage me just deciding not to tell my mum or dad, even, and then regretting that i didn't when i'm older. I don't want to be 40/50 years old and telling my mum/dad on their deathbed. That horrifies me. And sometimes i picture that scene, it really depresses me when i do.

As i said, i've been thinking a lot about it lately, the pros and the cons, so my mood has been fluxtuating recently. I suppose the discussion with my mum and reading the post about Alex and his brother Tony triggered it. It was a really heart-warmer that post, and i'm so pleased for them.

What i would give for a reaction like that...


Rowan <3




P.S Sorry for not being around much, reading posts, commenting etc. Ive been... lazy

Today. Was. Crazy.

Or so it seems today was, it has completely flown by, i dunno where it's gone!

Loads of things happened. (So settle in for a long post :D)

I'm only getting on my computer properly as i type this out at quarter to midnight, i certainly was kept busy and i didn't quite plan to be actually.

The morning wasn't particularly crazy, i had to go back to Saturday morning maths, not very exciting and because of it i never got to wish my mum happy birthday before i went out the door.

As for the class itself, it was pretty ok. I sat next to the same guy i did last time but didn't talk nearly as much coz the teacher was going over some of the stuff i was really stuck on so i had to pay attention, and i did. Learnt some stuff and i definetely think it benefitted me today. Also, i didn't get my test result back, as i was expecting, but i was told that i passed the test (which i sat before Easter holidays) so that was really good news. I at least know i've made some sort of improvement in the past few months.

After the class i went home and mum opened all of her cards and other presents and she liked all of them to be honest so that was good. Then my dad decided we give my mum some time to herself so he took me and my brother up to play some golf at the driving range while my mum stayed at home with my sister. The thing with golf is that i'm actually ok (i don't play enough to be great) but what i lack is consistency. Just like today, i was hitting some wonderful shots and then some extremely awful ones, its quite a frustrating game at times but it was good stuff anyway (especially as there was this extremely hot boy a few bays away from me, couldnt concentrate on golf properly :P)

So we got back home and i asked my brother if he wanted to play Rock Band with me, and he wasnt doing anything else. He did, i played drums (on expert) and he played guitar (on medium :P)
But it was good anyway, we had a great laugh and we completed some songs that i cant do on single player as i would have failed out.
Anyway, it was good teamwork at the end of the day and i was happy that we worked as a team and had fun too.

We were then summoned away as we went out for a meal for my mum's birthday. Now. My mum and dad are very good at cooking (my dad used to be a chef) so wherever we go, they are always so critical of the restaraunts lol. It's quite awkward sometimes. Today's biggest problems were the prawns, the staff's attitude and the general feel of the place.
I didn't think it was bad but my dad used to work in a big kitchen in a restaraunt in London so i suppose he has the right to be critical, but, however it does get a little annoying. Even the slightest thing and my dad could complain. I don't recall a time in the past few meals we have went out for when he hasn't complained to the manager lmao. He would probably have a field day at MacDonalds!

In the end, it was decided that we wouldn't be returning again, ho hum, but mum enjoyed her meal anyway which is whats important.
She wasn't her usual quiet birthday self, she was quite cheery today.

So when i got home....again, out of nowhere, one of my mum and dad's best friends showed up. I didn't know he was coming although i think they did. He's a great guy, he's my sister's godfather and he is very entertaining. He came round about 8pm after we got home from our meal and we all played games and stuff, he even tried his hand on the Wii which was quite funny. He then remembered Borat was on tv and so everyone ended up watching that. Yep, i watched Borat with my parents lol. Awkward much?
It's a very rude but funny movie.

It finished not long ago and now here i am. Didn't quite have my evening go the way i thought and the day has just whizzed by. Thought i might have been on my computer a good few hours ago but then my mum and dad's friend arrived, which was cool coz he's a great guy but i think i might have prefered he didn't....this evening anyway.

And tomorrow i will get my long overdue lie-in. I have not had one for about two weeks and i am in desperate need now :P
I was thinking i might have some things come for me in the post but no post on Sundays :(
I ordered a Muse and Kasabian poster last night coz i dont actually own any (gasp!) as well as two Muse albums, "Absolution" and "Origin of Symmetry". I have every single Muse song on my iTunes but i do not posses all their albums (blasphemy!) so hopefully they will arrive next week at some point. That's right, paying for music i can already listen to....it is my duty as a hardcore fan to own all albums! :P


Well, that about wraps up this post, its been quite a long one.
I've talked about a load of stuff so don't worry about trying to comment on all of it, but feel free if you have the time.

Really tired now, so off i got to bed :)


Cheers guys,
Rowan


Instead of posting a music video this time, i'm gonna post something a little different.
There is a comedy program on Britain's Channel 4 right now called Facejacker and it's pretty funny, my brother and i watch it, It's about one guy who plays every single character in the show, "hijacking" faces and personalities and going around in public doing all sorts of strange things.

Anyhoo, this sketch is an "art critic" going to view art, unbeknowest to the owner that he is not an art critic and is just a guy in disguise who has no clue about art at all. He has a speech impediment where everything he says ends up starting with the letter 'B' . It's hilarious and me and my brother can't stop quoting all the things he says.
I hope you all find this funny, although i anticipate it won't be to everybody's taste. Sorry if you dont like it, but i don't know how you can't kill youself laughing at this....



(You might want to turn the volume up a little, its' a bit quiet)



BOOH! BAH! BINETY BOO BOO!


XD

What a Disgraceful Day!

Eugh, Thursday's are always the worst day of the week. Today was no different.

I i think the reason they are horrible is coz it is a 7 period day with the worst combination of subjects.

I almost missed the bus this morning but caught it just in time. Maybe would have been better if i missed it coz the following happened in school today :

I lost my jacket which had money in it.
I still haven't got my maths result back yet
I completely fucked up a biology test.

Now the jacket, i think i know where it is. I left it in the dining hall today from what i remember so hopefully i will be able to retrieve it tomorrow. The worst thing was i had to walk home from the bus whithout my jacket, in the rain. The bus stop is only 4 or 5 minutes from my house but that was enough time to get me absolutely drenched so that didn't help add to events previous to this today.

Such as, my whole class has recieved their non-calculator test result back but i haven't yet. It's apparently sitting in the "late" pile coz i did my tests one day after everyone else before the holidays due to me being off one day. I should get the result back on Saturday. Yes, Saturday. The weekend morning maths class returns again....

But the biology was the worst thing. I knew i had the test coming up but ima tell you right now, i do minimal studying for biology. I just cant get any of the stuff into my head. Ive really lost the plot with biology, i would say it has now replaced maths in terms of what i am worst at. Anyway, i sat the thing and guessed at what i would say is about 75% of the questions. There's no doubt about it, i definetely haven't passed.
In a way i'm glad that it is my new worst subject coz at least if i do fail it, i dont have to re-sit the course, like i would with maths which looks like its coming on a little stronger. Of course, i would know that for sure if i could get my bloody results back!

Pppphhhh. This post has been a bit of a downer hasn't it?

I don't really have anything to lighten it up tho really.

Just a few things i will mention :

I'm conducting a little experiment in school at the moment. It's my own little idea and i'll let you know the results in my next post....or i might let it run for another week.

My first exam is in 6 days....

I did two english essays on Monday and Tuesday, i think they went ok but wont know till next week. I also did a french test that went fine.

I have a spanish test and media test tomorrow too. SO MANY TESTS!!!

There is just no rest at the moment, i want the weekend to come but i dont want it to come. I'm not looking forward to this other extra maths class but i am looking forward to going out to a meal on Saturday coz it's my mum's birthday. We're all going.
My mum sometimes acts a little strange around her birthday tho. She shares the same birthday as her mum (my gran) who has passed away now and i don't think she likes to make a big deal out of her birthday but hopefully she will enjoy it this time round. My dad got her some really nice jewellery too and me and my brother are gonna get her a nice card and probably something else.

But for now it's busy, busy, busy, worky, worky, worky, testy, testy, testy (in the words of biology) :P


Cheers,
Rowan

Marching On In

Yeh, fail title i know :P


Today was just a pretty average day at school i suppose, nothing extremely eventful but a few things worth of note.

The maths test never went ahead today, it has been re-scheduled for tomorrow. Good times.

Biology was quite fun as usual.
Still no pass mark back yet, hopefully soon, but today we were watching a video about the lungs and it was strange.
They were cutting down a sheep's (removed) throat and when they did it made a really crunchy noise :P
Apparently, we're gonna be doing tht tomorrow, should be interesting :P


PE, we got to play badminton XD

I love badminton and i even got put in a group with Steven and i bet him haha.

When we weren't playing he decided to discuss Scissor Sisters with me again, it's getting a bit old to be honest.
I just told him it's only one song i like (and it is only one) but then he's calling me a big fag and stuff like that and talking about how i aspire to "mince" around on stage like they apparently do.

*facepalm*

So i asked him about Queen and Freddie Mercury and he said, "Oh but he's alright, he was a legend, he's allowed to be gay, i can handle that, but anymore than that....*shakes head* "

I left it at that.

It seems that no matter what i say to Steven he just isn't going to accept gay people.
This time next year he won't be at school and in some ways i'll be glad to see the back of him.
He's just so intolerant, not just of gay people but anyone who isn't British, white and Christian.
He's just full of hate for people although i can tell he takes the rip quite a bit, not really meaning everything he says.

But at the same time, i'll be sad to see him leave. He is a good friend to me, he's kind, funny and (although it may not sound like it) easy to get along with.
I think i'll be able to move on a bit more tho, be more who i really am at school but i really dunno how i'll feel when the time comes for him to leave.....


Anyway, returning to school, just for a spot of english.
We're doing group presentations to the class about a book we're reading called Sailmaker.
We were due to present today but didn't have enough time so we have to do it tomorrow.
Then the teacher announces he won't be in tomorrow and the head of english will be. So we're up first presenting to him, lovely.


Spanish was good today. (Don't say that an awful lot)

Our normal teacher wasn't in so we were pleasantly surprised.
We could actually talk a little for once!
So i took the opportunity to ask the four other boys in my class if they were doing spanish next year.
Only one said maybe, the others said no.

Which brings me back to what my mum said last night about spanish.
I perhaps didn't say it very well.

This could get a bit bogged down but try and bare with me.

I was giving the main reasons to my mum about why i didn't want to do spanish (two languages at one time, same teacher etc.)
We discussed those reasons then after that, i added that i might be the only boy in the class, this is when she asked (in a non-serious tone) "Why? Do you get lonely without boys around?"

So it really wasn't out of context but i apologise anyway for my bad writing of that bit.

Another thing in the last post that was written badly by me.
At dinner when my brother said, "Oh, the gay one?" (Stephen Fry)

When he said that, my mum was eating so couldn't speak right after he said that.
So while my mum was eating i rolled my eyes and said, "Yes the gay one"

THEN mum finishes what she was eating and says, "I don't care, i'll look out for some books"

So yeh, sorry wrote it badly in the last post, i hope i've cleared things up now.
What my mum said wasn't really out of context.

Also, a few of you were saying how mums always know and how my mum must be really nice.
She is, but, like everyone, she has her faults.

Such as, last night, i was finishing off on the computer then she asks me if i was almsot done and i said "Yes, almost"
Then, a few minutes later i lose internet connection completely....

I asked my mum if she touched it and she said she didn't but she obviously did as the wirless router is plugged into a socket in my sister's room and as my sister was sleeping, she never touched it.
My mum was the only other person awake in the house, the only person that could have possibly turned the plug off.

It was a really shitty thing to do and even worse of her to lie to me about it which i know she did. :/

But then today, i come home and what has she got me?

A mini-fridge!

WTF.

Last night she was all bitchy and now she's bought me a mini-fridge :S
I don't get it!

Women are confusing lol (hence why i stay away from them :P KO)


But that's quite a coincidence as i'm sure someone mentioned that i should get a mini-fridge a few posts back :P
Well whaddya know?

I've got one now. Haha.

Only thing i need is USB extensions and i pretty much am sorted.
Don't want a wireless keyboard, they're too much hassle in my opinion.


But back to my mum, don't get me wrong, she is nice, really nice, she does strange things sometimes though and is quite confusing and difficult to read.
Nobody is perfect though.

If i was to tell anyone in my immediate family i was gay it would be my mum.
I'm not ready to yet tho, i still need to figure her out and try and find the best way to tell her.
To be honest, the whole topic of coming out to my parents still scares me quite a bit so i'm not really sure about it yet.

I don't really feel ready and i would prefer to leave it for a while, it's not like i'm desperate to tell them.
It's a secret i would like to keep a little longer.


But, as Stephen Fry once said, "A secret is something you tell just one person at a time".

Thanks to r.jimlad for that one, it is very true :)


Love you guys,
Rowan


P.S Hope you had a good start to March!!!