Improvement? Dunno

What is improvement really? Obviously, if things get better, that is improvement but how much are we talking here?
Lots?
Just a little?

I suppose in my case it's the latter, i wasn't expecting things to improve immense overnight and they haven't really. Writing that post the other night made me feel a bit better and talking to other people about things helped too. But there hasn't really been much of a change in school. The workload is still the same, the pace is still the same, the morons haven't changed their ways, obviously.

That's just something i'm going to have to learn to deal with, coz that is what next year, after the summer will consist of.
Although Steven is leaving halfway through, his presence will still be somewhat irksome.
But get this. Today, Steven offered for me to buy his iPhone. Just like back at the start of the year at a reduced price - only 100 pounds.

Where does this generosity come from?
I know, we've been through this, Steven is a very confusing character but i just dunno....
And this isn't an option i think i'm gonna turn down, i mean 100 quid for an iPhone doesn't come around often.
This is the Steven i like!
Why can't he be more like that all the time?

And then when i get an offer like this i feel bad that i can't wait to see the back of him.

It's another thing that troubles me a lot, something i didn't address on my last post : my relationship with Steven.

It's just confusing.
Even when he leaves school i wont be entirely rid of him, only in school of course, im sure he will still be around outwith there at weekends and the likes.

Well anyway, away from all that, the offer for his iPhone cheered me up today, i must admit it is really cool of him.
(dont hate me) :P

Something else that improved my current mood are English and Media classes. Media, the teacher is really funny and probably the best teacher i have right now, so that class is always something to look forward to. And for English, a few posts back i mentioned we were writing a story. It's coming on quite well, i enjoy writing (never thought i would) but it's not without it's difficulties. We have a word limit and mine is way over it, so editing and condensing will be a pain. Also, i had to cut out a full section of my story and even with that gone i still need to edit it.
I hand it in tomorrow and if it's good i might post it on here, no promises tho, it's also quite a dark story, the teacher will think im a loony or something. A brief outline is that it's about a guy who isn't being himself after the death of his mother and is acting out, not being who he really is and the consequence(s) of that.

Believe me, it's dark O.o

Just thought i'd mention all that school stuff but with regards to my last post, thanks for all your comments, i read all of them, some a few times and they pretty much all said good things so thank you for that, your comments don't go unnoticed btw, i read every single one :)

I know im only 16 and i have loads of time to tell whoever i choose that i'm gay but keeping it a secret has just been getting to me lately. It's not good to keep things bottled up, it really does annoy me. Doesn't make things easier when all i hear everyday is talk about eradicting all gay existence and general crap :/
It just all came to a stand-still on Monday and i couldn't take it anymore so for anyone in particular that i may have upset im sorry, it all just came pouring out. This hasn't been a very good week so i'm sorry if i got on anyone's bad side.

I am a lot more composed now than i was on Monday tho, i have sat down and thought about things more rationally. All this crap is gonna come and hit me and i think it's only natural for me to get very fed up with it from time to time. There's not a lot i can do, as one person, to influence people's stupidity or ignorance, that's something they have to do for themselves so until they do change their views i just have to deal with it.
I have to develop a thick skin. Thought i had one already, just obviously not thick enough.

At the end of the day, and im thinking in terms of the bigger picture here ; when i finish high school completely, things will be much better. I will go wherever i go, be it college or university and i know that people there will not be like the people in high school. They'll be older and more mature for a start, and there will also be a more diverse group of people there, more open and accepting.
Things will get gradually better.
Christmas : Steven will leave, no more of his crap at school.
Next summer : More morons will drop out of school, increasing the number of us intellectuals 8-B
The summer after : No more high school, i can move on, be with smarter people and further my education.

Long term targets, yes, but realistic ones.
And i think that's what you gotta do, set yourself goals or else you are wandering aimlessly, not knowing what to do and where to go.
But im getting some ideas in my head now starting with those targets, and they're only the school ones, there will still be lots of others down the road.

Short term (not so much targets) : Family reunion next week and Muse at Wembley in September, two things i'm sure i will enjoy

Thought i'd end on a more positive note this time round :)


Hugs,
Rowan