Out to All

It's been a very busy few days indeed. With the exception of last night, I haven't slept well since Wednesday.

Thursday night I was really excited for PROMetheus so I only got a few hours sleep.

Really enjoyed the film, though.

Prom was... ok. Not quite my gig but at least I got to look amazing in my suit.

Though afterwards, we all went back to Melly's and got considerably drunk.

Next day, I stayed at Nicholas' house because he's just round the corner and the day after that, yesterday now, there was another party!

By this time, I was drained from the past few days, only had a few drinks and got an early taxi home.

I usually stay when he throws a party but not this time.

Just bringing you up to speed but now to the all important bit...

After seeing Prometheus on Friday, I thought it would be a good idea to go back and watch all the Alien films. My brother, who is younger to clear confusion, heard I was doing it and wanted in as well.

Must have started about 11am and finished at 8 or something. It was getting tedious towards the end. 3 and Resurrection are pretty crap.

But it was at the end of Resurrection that the thought came to me that it would be a good time to just say to my brother so indeed I did.

I waited until it finished, basically sat there and said, "I've got something to tell you", with that usual nervous feeling you get during these situations.

"Mhmmm"

"... I like guys"

"... Ok, that's fine"

Then I told him I'd wanted to say for a while coz he's my brother, I trust him and thought it would be good for him to know before I turned 18 but I've been gauging a reaction.

I think I almost offended him because he went, "Pfff, me? Nah, no way. Doesn't matter to me"

But then he told me he'd heard something about it before from a friend of his at school who has a brother in my year. Seemingly, news spread to this guys' brother who passed it on and news filtered through to my brother. 

I don't really care but jeez.

Anyway, I suppose it's better for me to tell my brother up front than have him hearing little bits and pieces of gossip flying about the place.

But at the end of the day, there we have it; what is probably my final big coming out :)

I've come quite a long way, looking back. Lauren, mum, dad, Josh, Melly, friends, my brother - That's the order.

I do have a younger sister but I don't think it'll be quite the same. I hope with her, she'll just come to understand as she gets older.

I don't want to get up on my high horse and get all dramatic about this (though I've never been great at avoiding that) but I would never have had the confidence without this blog which has seen and recorded every single time I've came out to someone. Now there's something.

Gaining confidence to tell all these people has been the one of, if not the main purpose from the very first post and now that purpose feels fulfilled.

 

No one knew when I started this blog, but now... pretty much everyone knows and I do have one of the oddest senses of achievement from it.

I can only say how much it means to have had people here to share it all with and help me through it.

Rowan <3

Oh, Brother

Recently I've been thinking a lot about coming out to my brother. Well, I've thought about it for months but more so in the past few days.

I'd like to get it out the way before I'm 18. That way, he knows and so do my parents and I think it would do me good peace of mind.


I don't think he'd have any problem with it. I often walk into his room and he's watching clips of The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. I mean how more liberal does it get? :P

And he's not even American of course.

Then there was the other week after Obama came out in support of same-sex marriage (praise the man) that my brother went, "Obama is such a legend"

I've often wondered if he was gay! No, I kid. I actually quite doubt it.

Also, I fear that my parents wouldn't be able to handle two gay kids... idk I'm getting off-topic now.

Back on-topic: I want to tell my brother because obviously, he's my brother and I trust him a lot and he doesn't deserve it to be kept from him.

I think it would be fine and I'd hope so. I've never actually had a bad coming out experience.

Scratch that, I've never had a coming out experience where the other person acted displeased. Coming out to my mum was honestly not something I'd want to go through again but how and ever.


Also, today is a really big day. One I've dubbed "PROMetheus" because my most anticipated film of the year - Prometheus - is released and later today I have my prom.

I'm going to see Prometheus with my brother actually, and perhaps a few other people. Literally leaving after this.

Prom is later. A British prom isn't quite like an American one I think. It's not really "bring a date" unless you really wanted to. It's more just one last big social gathering of the school year group so I'm quite forward to it :)

One last big hurrah.


Anyway, of course I'll post any news with regards to my brother but I have to dash now for Prometheus. Cannot wait.


Rowan <3

The Next Few Days

Okay so i'm afraid i'm going to be a little pessimistic about the next few days.

My last Prelim (Biology) is tomorrow.
And i'll probably be getting my Math results back as well this week.


I'm not expecting it to go swimmingly.

I'm awful at Biology as i've already said and i don't hold much hope in my Math test.
Hell if i pass them both i will be extremely happy.

I might even kiss both my teachers!


Ok, i won't do that but i will be relieved if i pass them. :P


At least i have some holidays to look forward to.
Wednesday is my last day in.
Thursday, Friday, the weekend, Monday and Tuesday i have no school.
Some sort of holiday, i dunno what for but i won't complain.

Although something rather extraordinary is happening.
On Wednesday evening my little brother and my Dad will be jetting off to Lanzarote by themselves for about 10 days.
How nice of them.

Sounds strange, yes, but let me explain.

My dad works at the airport and he won this sort of equivalent of Employee of the Month.
So they gave him two tickets for him to travel anywhere he likes in Europe.

Last year he won it as well, and he went to Lanzarote with my mum but she didn't want to go anywhere this year.

But, why did he choose my brother?

Strange one again.

The harsh reality is that my brother and my dad have always had this closer connection that i never had.
I feel closer to my mum than my dad.

But the way he said it was like. "Well, you probably have too much studies to contend with so i don't wanna take you out of school coz you'll lose some precious time."

Sorta true. But i couldn't really see me and my dad getting along on a holiday by ourselves and i dont think he could either.

But it makes up for itself.

Mum said that me, her and my sister can go somewhere at some point.
She asked me where and i quite like the idea of Italy.
Never been before and it seems real nice.


But really, thats how my family has been divided.

My little brother and my dad.

Then me, my mum and my little sister.

If they were ever to get a divorce then i could see that being the living arrangements.
Don't worry tho, i don't think one is on the horizon but i used to think one was.

They always used to argue, at least a couple of times a week.
This was about a year ago.
Things were bad back then.

So, i think they thought a holiday abroad would sort things out. It didn't really but at least they stopped arguing as much. They don't really talk much tho and they complain about each other to us.
That's annoying, i'd rather not hear it.

I heard things when they used to argue too. More things i didn't want to hear. The reasons why they were arguing but i'd rather not go into them.


Anyway, i went seriously away from what i was talking about.
The holidays.

LOL, how'd that happen?
Suppose we all can be yacky boxes sometimes :P

Oh, something else thats happening soon - Arsenal vs Liverpool on Wednesday.

I'm dreading that. I can see Liverpool getting embarrased. And then Steven will be on my case.
It's starting already!
All the build-up, me and Steven having a go at each other about the game lol.
It will be interesting this week in school.

But luckily i won't need to face him on Wednesday coz of the holidays but i'm sure i'll see him at some point during....


....I must go, i want to do as well on this Biology crap as i can tomorrow :D
And as for Prelim stuff, i'll keep you updated as always.


Cheers,
Rowan


P.S I wrote this at the same time i've been talking to you JJ. I can do it lol