Only In Dreams

About 3 or 4 years ago there was a period where i had bad dreams quite regularly. I used to have like 3 or 4 a week but they eventually disappeared. Since then, yeh ive had bad dreams from time to time but none like the one i had last night.

It wasnt like a horror show with lots of people getting killed or anything but it was just really bad, for me anyway.

It was quite a short dream, as most are, but it was certainly enought to upset me.

Basically, i was in a shop, i think it was a card shop but i dont know for sure. This dream also happened to take place in the future, maybe about 10 years from now. Id say in my dream i was in my late 20's.
So anyway, i was picking out cards for something and then Bryan randomly walks up to me, also in his late 20's, however still looking as he does right now.
From the chat, it was apparant we hadn't seen each other since we left school. We just chatted a bit and i said something like, "Nice seeing you again, i gotta get these cards" and at that point a guy walks up to Bryan, takes his hand, kisses him and says, "Oh there you are, honey"
Bryan looks at me and says, "Oh, this is my partner, we're engaged" (perhaps gay marriage had been legalised by this time, idk) I just smiled weakly and said, "cool" and with that, they both walked out of the shop, hand in hand.

I then proceeded to break down in the middle of the shop, crying my eyes out and then someone else in the shop kicked me in the face. This was when the real me woke up... also crying.

I hate how dreams can fuck with your head like that, especially really early in the morning. I must have woke up about 4am and thanks to that, i wasn't getting back to sleep. So the state i was in pushed my mind further and made me think, what if it was a premonition? What if i do find out Bryan is gay in the future after never knowing the whole way through high school? What if i missed my opportunity? and so on and so forth...

I was in quite a state.


But Friday is my good day, or usually is. My subjects get progressively better throughout the day and effectively, the day ends at noon coz its only double music after lunch. I also always go out to lunch with Bryan every Friday and play guitar with him in double music, so on Friday afternoons he is effectively mine! :P
But it just didn't feel the same after that dream today.

I wish life was like Fable (xbox 360 game), basically you can highlight anybody walking around in the streets, find their personality traits, what they like, dislike, and their sexual orientation. Some might say that isnt a good thing, but in the Fable world, sexual orientation isn't an issue (and gay marriage is legal :P)
I just think that would make things a whole lot easier if you could find that out about someone just by looking at them or something. Would make things a lot less confusing, and id also know if there was any point in pursuing Bryan at all, but i dont.
I've said before, i dont think he's gay but he's possibly bi and even that might just be me getting my hopes up. Trust me, ive done a lot of thinking over the subject but the thing i cant stop thinking about is Bryan himself.

It also sucks that there are only a handful of these awesome Friday afternoons left. From what ive seen, it will be very unlikely that Bryan is in any of my classes at all next year, we dont seem to be picking the same subjects, so i might not see him a lot for much longer. And after next year, the big, bad world imposes itself where i certainly wont be seeing much of him at all.

Time is running out and the exams are getting closer and after that... less Bryan. I like being with him but i hate how much i think about him, it leads me to having bad dreams like the one i had. Perhaps i should welcome the coming changes?
I don't know, im confuzzled at the moment. I really am.


Rowan <3