Wow...umm... Okay

As I thought I would, I did not go back back to hang out with Louis, Alex, Alan and the likes. Instead I went opted for the "new" group.

Idk why, but i just feel drawn to there. I feel that if i went back a whole big thing would be made out of it and i might even lose friends from this new group. I really don't want that, especially after what i learnt today...

I learnt it at lunch, after interval i decided that i didn't feel awkward, that things were actually ok coz Louis, Alex and a few others are in quite a number of my classes so it's not like i will never talk to them. Anyhoo, that's how i felt so i had lunch with the new folk and this is where i learnt what kinda surprised me.

I say kinda coz i think i knew but i never actually knew for sure. Everyone else does but yeh, a girl in this group, Rose, is a lesbian :)

As i said, i thought i knew from what i've heard and i've overheard her talking about stuff but today i was sitting with her along with one of my older friends (dunno if you remember...) El. And they were just chatting away and i was with them and Rose said, "Yeah, i made out with this girl on Saturday but then she didn't want to talk to me after that" then she joked "It's not easy being a lesbian!"

That's when i knew for sure, so i was like \o/

I gathered myself and actually realised that she doesn't take crap about it off anyone, at least, i've never seen or known her to receive any kind of abuse, so i asked her "Do people not give you shit about being a lesbian...are they scared of you? *insert chuckle*"
"Well a few people used give me shit a couple of years ago but everyone's just kinda stopped caring"

I smiled at this point and i think she noticed, she asked why i asked and i just replied that being in a high school of all places, things might have been said to her but she confirmed that they haven't, for a few years at least.

Then the conversation between the three of us got a bit more explicit, lol, and she was talking about when she done stuff with another girl, and she wasn't bragging, she has people to back this up (don't ask me how) and then El pipes up, "That's one thing i've never understood about lesbians, how do they fuck?"

I literally lol'd and she said "With toys of course, silly"

Anyhoo, i'll leave it there, more was said but i think now is a good time to stop xD


I was totally chuffed when that fact was confirmed for me today, Rose being a lesbian. So, yes an out lesbian is accepted in my friends group and nobody gives her hassle. How awesome is that!? And in a Catholic high school of all places!
It gives me hope even though i don't ever see myself being out in high school... but who knows.

I was also invited to a Halloween party today and most people in the group are going. I've never been a big one for Halloween but this seemed like a good idea so i said i'd go, just gotta think of what to go *as*

Oh dear :P

So on the whole, things panned out quite well today. I was a little unsure this morning but now i feel a bit more comfortable as to where i belong. I wouldn't say I'm completely assured but for now, things seemed somewhat settled and i'm content enough with that.


Rowan <3


lol first ever tag/label as "lesbian"

Changing Friendships (Revisited)

There's something i feel i didn't really make clear in my last post.

That is regarding the circle of friends i've "drifted away" from just now. I think i kinda made it seem like most of them are assholes when in truth, they're not.

The majority are honestly decent guys and that was reinforced on Monday and Tuesday when a number of people said, "Rowan, we want you back at the table" or words to that effect.

I told them the situation: Most people are good, it's just a few i have issues with.

And, in fact, i have to be honest. At times this week, i've wanted to go back to the table to hang out with some folk. I do quite miss talking with Alex, Louis and Alan and some others quite a bit.
Although if i did, i would obviously appear just as fickle as Steven is...

It's quite annoying.

On the other hand, im enjoying my time with the people im with just now. They're lovely so i don't just want it to look like im using them for a few days if i was to return to the table.

Surely there's enough Rowan to go round for all!

(but sadly not) Guess im friends with too many people :P


But even those that had issues with me, and i with them, have tried to get back on friendlier terms this week.

I'm not quite sure what to do in all honesty. I'm all for 2nd chances but it's quite a difficult situation and i don't like being in it.

Even Steven has come out and said he wants me back, "i have forgoten everything and dont want to fall out permanantly with one of my best friends"

I don't quite know how to react to that. I don't want to hang around with him. I suppose i feel a bit sorry for him, even though i probably shouldn't but i know he just doesn't want to lose someone he considers a good friend and i relate to that coz i wouldn't want the same thing either.
I thinking the best thing to tell Steven is something along the lines of "Fine, we don't need to argue, i dont want to hang out but we can talk from time to time. However things wont be the way they used to be"
That's what i'd like to say, but finding a way to express it as such is quite difficult. I just hate upsetting/disappointing people!

I said in my last post that Steven was gone but i suppose he never truely will be. When he leaves at Christmas, that will be a monkey off my back, yeh, but he'll still be lurking about. Suppose i've still just got to contend with him for a months, albeit hopefully not in the same way i have done for the past two years. It's just telling him that that's the problem...
I'd be grateful for some input tho. Anything you want to suggest don't be afraid :)


So that's quite up in the air at the moment but i've a few days to sit back and consider my options. We're off school Thursday, Friday, the weekend (of course) and Monday.


Random bit: The trip to the cinema today was quite good. We seen Scott Pilgrim vs The World and i have to say it is probably the nerdiest film i've ever seen :P

I still enjoyed it, just not as much as everyone else seemed to. I'd give it a 7/10 but im no movie critic.

Might be going back out with them all on Saturday so we'll see but Thursday and Friday i plan to do feck all coz personally i think i deserve a rest from school but there you go.


Got a few other things to post about soon so over my little break, my blogging acitivity may increase but no promises so keep it steady guys ;D


Rowan <3

Changing Friendships

The last few days have been full of turmoil for me in and amongst my group of "friends"

The main reason for this is the visit of you-know-who (The Pope) to Britain but it soon became a lot more personal than that.

Before i go into detail, the situation currently is that i don't speak with a number of the people i did just over a week ago. I don't sit at the same table anymore that these people do, which unfortunately means not being with the overall majority of decent folk who congregate there.

However, there are another "group" of people (i put group in inverted commas coz it sounds like a clique), from which i am quite friendly with a few individuals and they have supported me over the past couple of days and have taken me under their wing. So things are good :)


It all started on Thursday morning when the Pope arrived in Britain, i posted a message on my Facebook page which said this, "Be ashamed Britain, be very ashamed...

FTP (Fuck the Pope) "

I realise now that i shouldn't have posted that seeing as many of the people on my friend's list are Catholic but how and ever i did post it and now it is gone. At the time the reaction was nothing, but after school that day, it erupted.
Now the group i used to hang out with all know im an atheist and don't say much about it but when the Pope arrived they were all up in my face about it. The school showed his arrival live on tv on one of the big screens in the cafeteria during interval and the place whooped with joy (i died a little inside :P)
...and for the rest of the day, my so-called friends took it in turn to "bless" me in the corridors, in classes, everywhere and i found this rather insulting and humiliating - I mean, would they do that to someone in the school who is Muslim?

Anyway, i ignored it best i could and returned home, pretty upset and that's when it started. People took note of my facebook post and facebook exploded :P

I posted it at first coz a few people had said similar and received no reaction, so i thought i would join in - These are people who posted similar stuff are also Atheists and are now in the "group" i hang about with.

But it didn't go well from me, i received mass condemnation (see what i did there?) from all sides and only a few people stuck up for me.
I realise what i said could cause offence but after the way i was treated at school that day i couldn't have cared less.
The argument on this post continued for a few days (Friday in school was quite tense) and culminated on Saturday evening - coz thats how exciting my weekends are.

Basically, as a summary, i lost 4 friends from my old group and tensions were frayed with a few others (and still are a little) but one of the friends i lost goes by the name of (and you'll be happy to hear this) : Steven

He's gone. Honestly.

My plan has already worked, i just didn't expect it to be that quick! :P (not needing to be nice to Steven after the Muse gig)

So yeh, literally a week after the Muse gig, we are no longer considered friends. Absolutely made up about that, i am.

It wasn't all good though. The other 3 friends were nobody special but i enjoyed sitting at my old table coz there were quite a number of people who i get on with. Alex also goes to that table and luckily he "forgave" me for my facebook post.
Another good friend, Louis, did as well. They were cool about it and i was able to talk to them without any hassle today.

So where does that leave me now?

Well, this "new group" as i put it have always been pretty good friends of mine, i just used to hang out with other people but honestly, i feel these guys are better.

They're more understanding about... stuff in general. I also find it quite strange that most of my old group were Catholics but these folk... quite a few are Atheist and share the same views with me on a number of things.
It was a number of people here who defended me on FB as well, they helped me through and stood up for me when i had nobody.

I can't say enough about them, they honestly are some of the nicest, and funniest people i've ever met (although the humour with them is a little bit more warped haha) But it's all good :D

I feel i can be more open with them, and talk about things that are more relevant to me whereas i couldn't with the other people.


Things have finished pretty well tbh, i shouldn't complain but im just disappointed that i wont see some of the decent guys from my old group of freinds. As i said, only probably Alex and Louis.
I wouldn't attempt to go back to the table as i would just be ridiculed. I've already been told by Steven and co. that i'm "no longer welcome"
Suit them.

I also think it shows how fickle and weak Steven is. Last weekend i was his best friend but now im a "total dick" and i've "been a mess for months now"
Nice to know, but my opinion was never too high of you either, buddy.

Another example of this fickleness is a text i recieved from him not long ago "Watch what you say behind my back, things won't end well for you"
Then about 3 hours later on facebook i get "ill gladly leave it, i just felt angry bout it today, but youve got a new group of friends im happy to let you and them be mates, so basically, sorry i came across strong, i still feel a sorry for u for starting everything would be nice, u dnt even need to mean it"

See? Wtf?

I think a sorry would be a big mistake. It wouldn't just be me making up for what i posted (which i don't think is warranted) but would also put us back on friendly terms.
Screw that.

As i said, i can't complain about my situation right now but it could be better.

However, i must look at the positives. I have been welcomed by a group of at least a dozen people who understand me and my views 10 times better than anyone else ever has, and what's more, it's not like meeting new people, coz i already know them. Just gotta get to know them a bit better now :)

Suppose that starts when a few of us go to see Scott Pilgrim vs the World tomorrow after school, can't wait! (I've not seen it yet so no spoilers!)


Dunno why i never hung out with these epic folk before, suppose i just couldn't draw myself away from my old crowd but now that's changed and i am grateful to my new friends for it.


+ STEVEN IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Rowan <3


P.S I suppose i need to thank the Pope for that one. After all, his visit caused this :P

But that's all im thanking him for -_-