There's something i feel i didn't really make clear in my last post.
That is regarding the circle of friends i've "drifted away" from just now. I think i kinda made it seem like most of them are assholes when in truth, they're not.
The majority are honestly decent guys and that was reinforced on Monday and Tuesday when a number of people said, "Rowan, we want you back at the table" or words to that effect.
I told them the situation: Most people are good, it's just a few i have issues with.
And, in fact, i have to be honest. At times this week, i've wanted to go back to the table to hang out with some folk. I do quite miss talking with Alex, Louis and Alan and some others quite a bit.
Although if i did, i would obviously appear just as fickle as Steven is...
It's quite annoying.
On the other hand, im enjoying my time with the people im with just now. They're lovely so i don't just want it to look like im using them for a few days if i was to return to the table.
Surely there's enough Rowan to go round for all!
(but sadly not) Guess im friends with too many people :P
But even those that had issues with me, and i with them, have tried to get back on friendlier terms this week.
I'm not quite sure what to do in all honesty. I'm all for 2nd chances but it's quite a difficult situation and i don't like being in it.
Even Steven has come out and said he wants me back, "i have forgoten everything and dont want to fall out permanantly with one of my best friends"
I don't quite know how to react to that. I don't want to hang around with him. I suppose i feel a bit sorry for him, even though i probably shouldn't but i know he just doesn't want to lose someone he considers a good friend and i relate to that coz i wouldn't want the same thing either.
I thinking the best thing to tell Steven is something along the lines of "Fine, we don't need to argue, i dont want to hang out but we can talk from time to time. However things wont be the way they used to be"
That's what i'd like to say, but finding a way to express it as such is quite difficult. I just hate upsetting/disappointing people!
I said in my last post that Steven was gone but i suppose he never truely will be. When he leaves at Christmas, that will be a monkey off my back, yeh, but he'll still be lurking about. Suppose i've still just got to contend with him for a months, albeit hopefully not in the same way i have done for the past two years. It's just telling him that that's the problem...
I'd be grateful for some input tho. Anything you want to suggest don't be afraid :)
So that's quite up in the air at the moment but i've a few days to sit back and consider my options. We're off school Thursday, Friday, the weekend (of course) and Monday.
Random bit: The trip to the cinema today was quite good. We seen Scott Pilgrim vs The World and i have to say it is probably the nerdiest film i've ever seen :P
I still enjoyed it, just not as much as everyone else seemed to. I'd give it a 7/10 but im no movie critic.
Might be going back out with them all on Saturday so we'll see but Thursday and Friday i plan to do feck all coz personally i think i deserve a rest from school but there you go.
Got a few other things to post about soon so over my little break, my blogging acitivity may increase but no promises so keep it steady guys ;D
Rowan <3
juiceboys *2524
1 week ago
Just tell Steven that you don't give him shit for what he believes (or doesn't believe) and that every time he does it to you, it makes you want to not be his friend any more. If he really wants to keep you around in his life, he's gonna need to change for the better, and simply outlining those terms to him makes you the better man.
ReplyDeleteCheers, mate :-)
Love, always!
-David
Rowan it sounds like a good problem to have - you will prob just have to learn the art of compromise and share your self around - with some you will drift apart over time and others you will become closer. Friendship and love are things that you just can't turn on and off like a tap. Even with Steven there must be some good memories and or times - I'd always like to think even with his attitude that in the long run your influence on him can only be good.
ReplyDeleteChange will happen in your life any way over time any way so just take it all a step at a time.
Take care Stef.
I think it is always unfortunate when someone is unforgiving and holds a grudge when the other person wants to restore a relationship. So I hope you can go back to being friends with those people. Steven is a bit different. I think this might be a good opportunity to tell him that his homophobia is unacceptable, and if he wants you as a friend he has to stop making homophobic remarks.
ReplyDeleteAs for the new friends, I think you should not abandon them either.
I hope there isn't some unwritten rule that you can only be friends with the people you sit with. Can you sit sometimes with one group and sometimes with the other?
Interesting how things turned out - you've gained some new friends and your old ones have realised they appreciate you even if your views are not necessarily the same as theirs.
ReplyDeleteYou may not like to hear this, but I think you should try and stay friends with Steven for the remaining few months. Often people who sound brash and opinionated are actually quite insecure deep down. I think he needs you more than you may imagine.
Of course, I'm very new here and I may be completely wrong and it's much easier for me to say than for you to do. If I knew him IRL he would probably drive me mad.
But I'd still buy his iPhone for a hundred quid LOL!
R
ROWAN: The pope needs cannon fodder for fighting the muslims, the day of reckoning has come to the R.C. Church too. Be yourself and not let them humiliate You. Best regards. Guy De M.
ReplyDeleteRowan:
ReplyDeleteSteven seems to have a fascination with gays. He may be questioning his own sexuality and is terrified. His homophobic responses may be a defense mechanism. He may need your friendship more than you need his. Give him some more time.
Hugs, Cart
P.S. Just started reading your blog really like it, this is my first comment
As long as you stick to your principles (like being gay and not tolerating the hypocrisy of most of the Catholic Church and the Pope in particular) then you won't go far wrong.
ReplyDeleteIf people want to be your friend despite your views (or because of them) then you are really in the enviable position of being able to choose!
At the end of the day most of our close friends are likely to have at least broadly similar views to our own, aren't they?
Oh and have you made a stand against capital punishment lately? That'll sort out the reactionary people pretty quickly!