Bryan's Stayover

I call them "stayovers" coz "sleepovers" imply sleep :P

Anyhoo, yes. I finally had Bryan stay over last night, id have posted about it earlier in the week but he wasn't sure whether he'd be able to come over or not, but in the end he did.

I'll say now before i talk in any more detail, nothing sexual took place... unfortunately.

However it was fairly, umm, eventful.


It started off so well, i met up with him after a music listening easter school i went to (just basically an extra help class) and we took the train back to my place.

Mum and dad had never met him before but they all seemed to get on fairly well together. Good stuff coz Bryan is the first person i've had stay over since i came out to my mum so i think she was rather suspectful of us...
The whole night really took place in my room where we played Rock Band 3 for a bit which was great fun. I'd never played it before so it was something new as well.

Dinner was where things went rather Pete Tong.
I don't know how or why this happened but i simply couldn't eat, i had no appetite, and that was after ordering a kebab for the two of us which i usually enjoy.
We stuck on Father Ted coz Bryan had never seen it before, i sat and quietly watched it, tried to eat but every time i did, i felt sick. It was the strangest thing ever. It wasn't nerves, it wasnt anxiety, i honestly can't explain it.
Anyway, in the end, i did throw up... in my bin... right in front of Bryan.

Great one, eh?

Why that night of all nights to be sick? I hadn't been sick like that in years, it was fecking weird. But the strange thing was, right after it i felt kinda better.
I'm sure it didn't make a great impression on Bryan but i cleaned everything up, apologized and he said it was cool. He was quite concerned i think but i was cursing my luck.

The reason i think it was so weird is coz i didn't even feel sick until i sat down with the food, and there was absolutely no forewarning that i felt unwell. I actually have a theory about a certain piece of clothing. There's a red top i have which i wore when i went to Wembley, i also wore it on Christmas Day when i came out to my mum and i was wearing it yesterday. I think it signals that something eventful will take place and after last night, i don't think im going to ever wear it again.

Anyway...

I just got some water, chilled out and suggested we watch a film (and also so i could try and regain my head). I stuck on This Is Spinal Tap coz Bryan hadn't seen it either. I got gradually better as the film wore on and he really enjoyed it. Great movie as well.

I didn't quite know what to do after it but Bryan took command and started showing me some music videos etc. This is where my questions about Bryan were pretty much answered. We were watching a 30 Seconds to Mars video (with lead singer, Jared Leto - ooft!) and Bryan turns round to me and says something along the lines of, "Im straight man, but i would turn for Jared Leto"

Any idea/inclination i had that Bryan might at least like guys as well as girls were dashed in the space of a few seconds. Why can't i be Jared Leto? :(

This is when i suggested we crack open some beer i bought so we did and coz i hadn't eaten anything, the beer affected me a lot more than it did Bryan. We only had 3 each but i certainly felt a little light-headed.
The next few hours were a blur consisting of xbox, youtube, facebook, omegle and chatting.

Bryan got rather obsessed with Omegle, basically talking to randomers around the world, and then handed me his iPod to have a go. You might hate me for this and think it disgraceful and under-handed but i couldn't not check his iPod history. I simply had to, it was the confirmation to the answer id wanted to know for so long and the horrible, ugly truth was revealed: There is effectively 0.1% chance that Bryan has any interest in guys. The iPod history was what i imagine any normal teenagers would be - some games, facebook, movies, porn... all of it straight. Absolutely no hint of anything else. I wouldn't suggest that he maybe deleted anything "incriminating" before giving me a shot because he had no qualms handing it over whereas if i were in that situation, id have to spend about 10 minutes deleting loads of shit off mine.

So basically, i now know the truth. I pretty much knew already tbh, but this confirmed it and i wont lie, it hurts.

The hardest part is knowing he isn't even bi, (let along gay) but being unable to stop thinking about him coz i know nothing will ever happen between us. I guess its destined that we are simply friends, and thats all we ever will be. There's nothing i can do to change that fact. I just need to try and force myself to get over it, which will be tough.

The news doesn't come as a surprise to me and it wont stop me being Bryan's friend but i wont be able to think about him in the same light. Despite this, he needs friends over the next couple of months: his grandad has been given 3 months to live and will, unfortunately, die soon so i will do my best to support him in any way i can. I've already done a fair share of having him get upset on msn about it so i will be there for him.

His birthday is also coming up soon and due to (what i expect) his family situation not being great at the moment, im gonna help him out some more. After paying me for the Leeds ticket, he's not got a great amount of money and isn't expecting much for his birthday due to his parents being otherwise occupied so i am going to pay for all his accommodation when we go to Leeds, no matter what it costs. It will hopefully take a bit off his mind.


In the end, im glad that Bryan  did stay over coz its something i promised i would get done, and ultimately, i did enjoy his company, like a friend. I would hardly call it the greatest of evenings tho. I threw up in front of him and i know for sure now that he is as straight as ruler.

Don't quite know where to go from here...

Im just gonna let Freddie sum up how i feel:


Yes, i am aware i probably sound quite pathetic but there you go.


Oh, my next post is my 200th. I think of something or other to do for it. Idk yet.


Rowan <3