There are a few things i feel i didn't make as clear as i should have done in my last post.
You'll probably think i'm trying to play last week's events down but after reading some comments it seems a few people think i was deliberately targeted or something by these two guys. Let me say *that was not the case*.
There was not a heart to heart sit down talk where Rob and Kev each came out to me, no not at all.
Kev's whole discussion barely involved me first of all. It wasn't even *my* conversation to be had, i simply picked it up in passing, as i was walking home. Plus, Kev is currently dating a girl. Trust me, he's more straight than gay.
As for Rob, his conversation was with me but seriously, everyone knows he was bisexual. He assumed i already knew and as i didn't, he told me he was.
So you might say, "Surely if Rob can be open about being bi, then you can at least do that too"
...
Right, im trying not to play things down or dissapoint anyone coz i know that hearing that kind of news in the same week is quite a big thing but please don't force me or expect me to immediately go "HEY GUESS WHAT! I LIKE GUYS, OOOOH YEAHHHH!"
There's more to it than that. Let's see, im in high school. Clearly not the best place to be out about your sexuality, it might work for some but hey ho.
Let's delve further. It's a Catholic high school, and while i know Catholic certainly doesn't mean homophobic, there are a fair amount of people that back up that... stereotype.
I do have options to consider right now, that i grant you. But i am not a one man machine, my name is not Tony or Peter Tatchell so please don't expect me to be advocating gay rights etc. around my school coz i'll tell you right now that it isn't going to happen. I am neither comfortable or brave enough to be open to a few people at school let alone 1500+ people.
Even if i were to come out to anyone, i probably wouldn't even tell them im gay. I would most likely say bi rather than going for the all out approach. I am taking things as i see fit and i am not going to rush into any decisions which i may later be regretting.
I'm not getting at any one person, i hope nobody is taken aback now by what i've written. I am simply addressing issues raised in the previous comments section.
Some might think i'm this really brave guy, the Martin Luther King of LGBT issues, but i really am not. I'm an average guy and that's all there is to it. I will take things slowly and when i see it safe enough to dip my toe in the water i will, and currently this is not one of those times.
Rowan <3
P.S The photo at the top of the blog does not belong to me, it's a CD cover that i have edited so as not to include the name or song but if you know me well enough you can probably find it's origins. Pip pip ^^
juiceboys *2524
1 week ago
I was reading through the comments that you got on your last blog post and I think that this new post of yours was necessary.
ReplyDeleteWhilst it's not my place to pass opinion on other people's experiences with regards to coming out, as I've never been through anything like this myself, I don't think you should feel any pressure or obligation to come out just because other people have. They can do what they want with their lives. You do what you want with yours. And it's obvious that you think this too so that's all well and good.
But some people yesterday did get the wrong idea and there was one comment that actually made me quite concerned should you choose to act upon the advice stated on it. But it's clear now that you have no intention of that so it's fine :)
Ah so now we know about the photo at the top of your blog, maybe you could explain the origins of your display photo?! :P Or... you know... not ^_^
tehe 0:)
Lauren x
Rowan you know yourself better than anyone and you know what’s best for you. There is no rush in coming out and coming out in High School can be risky. Follow your instincts you will know when it’s the right time. You can still have discrete relationships without coming out. It’s your life; choose what’s best for you, do not let people push you into making decisions you may later regret. I think you are more than an average guy dealing with more than average teenage issues and even the brave have to take a step back sometimes and wait for the right moment.
ReplyDeleteHello Rowan
ReplyDeleteWell said. Do it your way and say as much or as little as is appropriate for you. It's easy to shout from the sidelines, much more problematic when you're the one in the spotlight.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Whether to come out, and if you do, when to come out and to whom are your decisions to make. It's your business and your life.
ReplyDeleteIOW, I think you're approaching the matter very sensibly.
Sounds fair to me Rowan. I too can not see myself telling close friends or relatives either.The only people that need to know my sexuality are the people that I do it with.
ReplyDeleteHi there, Rowan
ReplyDeleteI'm catching up with blog posts after a few days away. Having read this and your previous post, I have to agree with you and previous commenters that coming out is your business, to be done when you are comfortable, and to the people that you choose. After the events of July and August, I can quite understand that you're wary of entrusting personal information to people that you're not sure of.
I think, though, that you can take heart from the fact that you now know three people who should be entirely accepting of you, and that (if I've understood correctly) the rest of your new group already accept them. It's also worth remembering that coming out is not like flicking a switch from one state to another. You generally end up telling one or two people at a time, so (up to a point) you have control of who knows. But there's no hurry: take your time, and do it when it's right for you.
Take care
Mark
Hey Rowan,
ReplyDeletePerhaps I should clarify what I meant in the other post. I wasn't advocating coming out to EVERYONE, at least not all at once. What I was suggesting was perhaps merely reciprocating with these 2 guys. But of course I didn't know the exact circumstances under which they said what they said and naturally assumed they had said it privately and only to you. To me that sounded like a plan on the part of each of them, without knowledge of the other, a coincidence, but a useful one.
I still think it would be a good idea to at least consider reciprocating (privately) with each of them. Tho of course that's your choice. But my reasons are at least 3 fold. 1st, it's good (and relatively safe) practice in the art of coming out, and practice is really what, I think, is missing here. I know what it's like to be afraid to tell someone. At your age, I was only barely out to myself in my own head! But do you know why some gays sometimes make a nuisence of themselves by interjecting the fact that they are gay into every conversation they can, say at college or work? Some are "radical bores", but some are what you might call "out junkies". Forever trying to recreate the high they felt the 1st time they came out to someone, the relief that it wasn't weiging on their shouders as much, and that it turned out well--like it did with you and Lauren. Not to say it always turns out well, or that you should do it for a "high" , but the practice with someone who has told you the same thing could help you build up to telling others later, including your folks. 2nd reason, reciprocation, and helping them to not feel so alone anymore. At least make sure they know about each other if they don't already. And think about this, if they can do it ( and 1 is a new kid and also not a real looker as you say), and they're not being killed, what does that say about your chances? Third reason, like I said, it keeps the ball in play, keeps momentum going, makes it easier for other things to happen, such as "surprise others" to come out. Even just telling 1 or both (forget the lesbian maybe as being counterproductive to staying in the closet more generally--since girls gossip, no offense Lauren haha), but maybe 1 or both boys, and tell them to keep it to themselves for now. Give you a chance to catch your breath, see how that stage goes and plan further.
It's your decision, I'm just playing devils advocate here and trying to get you to see this as an opportunity. Oh, and BTW, a lot of what I said in my 1st post was in a joking sense--like about arching your eyebrow and giving them "your faggiest look". When I give deliberately bad advice, I try to make it clear it's a joke, or at least halfway a joke.
Oh, and reason #4, the more teens that come out, and the earlier they do it, the easier it is for the next crop to come out even earlier. Which means that society has to learn to deal with the truth earlier and not be in denial, and also the kids don't have to live a lie and in confusion thru those long years.
But of course you have to deal with your own situation there and make your own decision, am just trying to give you the broader picture there.
If you lived 20 years from now, maybe it would be common practice for kids to come out at 12yo or younger (I had my 1st feelings at 6 or 7), and in that world you would have had the option of having been out and maybe also had a boyfriend for years.
The world will be different in 20 years for gay/bi kids, and you will marvel at the differences. Just as I marvel at the world you live in, and the choices you have, that I hardly dreamt of. G
Hmmmmm, I didn't read all that into the last post, though I did mention a way out of the closet. But I do understand the trepidation. I wish I could have come out way back then. Who knows where my life would have led, but at least the repression that I felt forced to keep in place would have been released.
ReplyDeleteHowever, your friends seem a little less fearful, so maybe see how others react to them, and let things flow where they may! In any case, you'll be closer to your friends since they trust you to tell you these things, and that can only be a good thing!
Peace <3
Jay
Don't get too excited guys!
ReplyDeleteWe've said here before that honesty is pretty much generally the best policy. Fake 'girlfriends' should not be needed in this day and age in the UK. Not any more.
A gay boy should be able to defend his right to be gay and to make his own decisions when he's challenged by parents, family or friends.
There's more than enough stuff around in the media about it being OK to be gay and lots of us find it's pretty much alright. It's certainly a great deal better than it was - in your lifetime, Rowan.
So don't be like St Peter! But you don't need to make big, grand announcements either! given it's a Catholic school my gut feeling would be to save Coming Out on any scale until you leave - but maybe you could plan on taking that opportunity?