Here's the Story

In my last post i mentioned there was a big meet up at someone's house so just for background information this "someone" was Nicholas. Mentioned him a few posts back, he's mega rich, massive house and his parents are away on holiday. I ended up staying two nights for that reason which is why this post has been a bit delayed.

Anyways, I went to his on Wednesday, kinda nervous coz i knew Susan would be there and i had the idea in my head that i'd be able to talk privately with her somewhere. However, with all that was going on - clearing ASDA out of their full stock of 1 litre Orange Lucoazde bottles between us, messing around on computers etc - and mainly coz there were so many people there, it turned out to be impossible. I think there were 10 people in total.

The opportunity to talk never presented itself, besides it was already awkward enough. We barely talked from the time she got there (2pm) to the time she left (bout 9pm)

I seem to remember we did talk a bit but that's only after the booze came out...

*facepalm*

Yes. I'll own up now. I got drunk.

Trust me, i didn't plan to but it happened. Nicholas started drinking to build up some Dutch courage to break up with his girlfriend and then continued to drink in celebration afterwards. Josh had a little, his friend Melly had some and then i thought, "What the hell" and joined in.

It was an innocent mix of gin and coke to begin with but we soon discovered Nicholas' wine seller and that was it. I ended up getting drunk on red wine, how very homosexual.

But this lead to the most important detail of the night. Bits of this instance are missing from memory, like most of the night in general, but i told Josh and his friend, Melly, that i do like guys.

I don't remember how but we found ourselves in a private part of the house, all 3 of us drunk and i seem to recall me saying something along the lines of, "Guys, i'm at least bi you know, i do like guys." To my knowledge, i did not full out say i was gay but in all honesty, i probably could've coz both of them didn't mind. As i said my memory is a bit blank in places but i also recall Bryan's name coming up in that conversation o_O

Hope i didn't say something a bit more, than i thought. Josh didn't mention Bryan the next day when we talked but i haven't discussed it yet with Melly. She also levelled with me by saying that she is probably bi and has done things with girls before. Whaddya know.

For the record, this was after Susan had left the house and the conversation was solely between Josh, Melly and I. I don't know why i told Melly tho. I know her fairly well but not well enough to say what i did in all honesty. Thankfully, Josh and her are tight and he has assured me that she won't go talking and neither will he. By the same token, i won't go blabbing about Melly so we're on the same playing field.

That was the night's main events apart from all of us attempting (and apparently failing) to walk Melly home and then returning to Nicholas' house and throwing up in his sink whilst on Facebook via my iPod at the same time.

The people who stayed sober had a good laugh about that. Josh, Melly, Nicholas and i were the most drunk. A few others had enough to get a little drunk and the rest didn't touch any. Our group honestly isn't one to go drinking a lot. I personally am not so i'm a bit surprised i did tbh. I'm a bit surprised ANY of us did but there you go. It has made me realise why people do drink with their friends. Part of it was quite fun, but it's the aftermath - the vomiting and the headaches - that counters it.

It's certainly the most drunk i've ever been though and if i ever do again i will make sure i've at least eaten something and i'm not drinking red wine - i swear i thought i was throwing up blood at the time - hopefully beer, if anything.

Anyway, now that you've read all that i'm guessing a few of you may be quite disappointed and rightly so. I did read all your comments and i did try hard to speak openly with Susan to clear the air but to no avail. Getting drunk certainly wasn't part of my game plan so i can only apologise once again. I certainly didn't ignore anything that was said. I considered it all and thank you for going to the trouble of attempting to help me.

At the end of the day, things have worked out positively for the moment. Not 100% positively but it's still good nevertheless. Two trustworthy people know i like guys. I see that as a plus. The situation with Susan and Rose needs to just work itself out however, and Josh even believes the same.

I see a lot more of Susan than i do of Rose. Rose is like an annoying stalker to be brutally honest. She texts me non-stop but i hardly see her. I'll be surprised if i do once this summer but if i do, i will try to get her to back off even if i hate rejecting people in that way.

Susan is on holiday for a week or two but no doubt i'll see her and hopefully i can tell her then. Whether i have to come out to either of them remains to be seen. I don't know. Josh (who knows both quite well) thinks the best thing to do would be to just tell them i'm sorry i don't feel the same way about them and like them as friends. A few comments suggested this as well and i'm more inclined to agree with them.

Josh has my back though which is an important thing. Well, i'd like to think he does.


Anyhoo, as for now i'm back home and just trying to relax after the last few days. It's been hectic, fun, interesting and worrying. Nothing happened the second day i was there apart from loads of gaming. Perhaps part of the reason i did get drunk was because i knew i didn't have to go home the next day... who knows, but apparently festivities involving alcohol are planned again for tonight.

Josh is still there, Nicholas obviously and Melly is returning. I'll leave them to it. If i didn't have such a busy weekend then i might consider it but it doesn't matter anyway coz i'm home now. See, I AM responsible. I know when enough is enough :P

But i just want to apologise again if i've let anyone down. I really hope i haven't and i appreciate your help. This situation isn't pleasant (although its certainly easier with advice from folk reading this!) but hopefully it isn't as bad as it seems and can be cleared up within the next few weeks. I'll keep you updated, of course, and i'll try to sort it out as best i can.


Rowan <3