PUUUULLLLLL!

As is becoming the trend, Nicholas' parents were away over the holidays/Spring Break/whatever you want to call it.

And as is also becoming the trend, when that happens, a party also does. And I have to say, this was quite a big night. A lot happened for me, anyway.

I went round the night before with Josh to get things organised coz this party had been talked about for months. We hired a bouncy castle and got it set up the night before, then some other friends showed up with some Jagermeister and we got a little drunk and had some Domino's xD

Good times.

The next day, people started arriving about 3/4pm but we were courteous enough not to start drinking till mostly everyone had arrived. I had a full crate of beer and there was all sorts going around: Vodka, gin, wine, Jager, cider, sours. You name, we had it. Since the party was so big, we needed to get a lot and most had chipped in at least a tenner.

This was a bit different from any other time I've been drunk. I had quite a lot before I felt it. 3/4 Jagers, 3 beers, some apple sours (which are lovely btw) but then it suddenly hit me. Odd.

Apart from the previous night, I had never had Jager before but we started with Jagerbombs - You get a shot of Jager, some energy drink in a glass then on the count of three everyone drops the Jager in the glass and you down it in one.

Have to say, it feels like a right party when that stuff is about. Feels like even more of a party when there are disco lights and deadmau5 is playing while it happens :P

And in the room that occurred, there must have been about 10 people and I... err... came out to them all.

FUCK YOU, ALCOHOL. WHY DO YOU MAKE ME DO THIS.

But nah, as far as I remember everyone was fine about it and Melly went, "Ahh I'm so proud of you"

Soooo, I doubt what I said will remain in that room meaning that I might as well be out to my whole year at school. Whatever though. There are 2 weeks left after the holidays so fuck dem and da police.

But maybe even better than coming out to a roomful of people who were cool about it was when I pulled a guy \o/

We'll call him... Jon?

I pulled (snogged, kissed, whatever) Jon in front of like, half a dozen people. Whoops - again, fuck da police. I seem to remember going in for it. I think I said, "imagine if we pulled" and then he asked if I wanted to and I was just like, "Ok" xD
And I don't remember if that or the following happened first but we also had a really deep chat on a bed somewhere and he told me he's on anti-depressants and has attempted suicide before and I told him I used to have thoughts like that and we started crying and we hugged and it was just really weird and then someone rudely interrupted us.

Then I got all depressed, threw up and passed out, ending my night there.

Totally worth it, though.

But it has made me concerned about Jon. I found his Tumblr and what's on there has made me worry for him. I don't know if many people know about what he told me but I'm going to keep an eye out for him because he is a pretty good friend and I don't want to see any harm come his way, of course.
Btw, he isn't gay, as far as he claims. He's said that he finds some guys attractive but wouldn't go out with one. Fair enough but it's a shame... because I would.
Though that isn't why I'm concerned about him. I can empathise with how he feels and as I said, he's a good friend.


I stayed another night at Nicholas' after the party where more pizza was had and the previous few days of binging, both on drink and food, caught up with me which is why I probably didn't go home. Though I helped clean up and it took a while even with 5 of us but we eventually got it done and I left the next morning.

Since then I've just been sitting around the house, watching Game of Thrones and getting my strength back before tomorrow night where a load of us are going to see Life of Brian on the big screen (lucky us) then remaining in town till 3am where we'll got to KFC, dressed really smartly and order some chicken.
Might be quite a late night since trains and buses stop running at midnight and start again at 6. We may be stranded in town for quite some time and on a Friday night, that could be quite treacherous.

But it'll be an adventure, and hopefully a good night.

There's all the latest I guess. Peace, I'm outies.


Rowan <3

Thank You

I was in a bad way writing my last post, that much is obvious I think, but just to assure you I do feel better now.
I even managed to watch It's a Wonderful Life and Die Hard that evening!
Though I thought I should at least say thanks for all the comments I received after my post, on Christmas Eve, and those that came spilling through on Christmas Day.
They all helped me keep going, and made me feel better. Not lying at all when I say that.

The day itself was a quiet one. Opened presents about noon, uncle came over for dinner. We actually had Chinese, we're always been far from traditionalists. I didn't have much of an appetite though, just a heavy cold and an overall glumness which I tried my best to hide.
I've a feeling my brother picked up on it actually as he was always trying to crack some jokes with me and I warmed to them after a few beers and a little whiskey so fair play to him.
When my uncle left, my dad, brother and I put on a Billy Connolly DVD that we got earlier which was good for a while but I had such a sore head that I feel asleep.

It was a pretty uneventful day tbh, accompanied by a sore head and a downbeat mood but I got through it so once again, thanks to you all. It was a pretty personal post, my last, and your comments were all appreciated.

Now just to get through New Year...

I kid, I kid.

Though there are rumours that Nicholas is having a party and tbh, i'd much prefer that. I've never spent a New Year solely with friends. And with Nicholas, that would mean being drunk as well. Another way in which I haven't spent a New Year.
Not going to lie, I think getting drunk with friends would do me a world of good right now so I'm hoping this party does happen!

What!? It's New Year. Everyone gets drunk! :P


Rowan <3

Part-ay

Last night was Nicholas' party and i'm not going to lie, I wasn't really looking forward to it.

Was mostly that i was still in bed at 2pm, it was raining and i still had to get ready and everything. But after i did all that, i felt nervous about going because I knew Kev was going to be there and I knew that when he was drunk, he would try something.

Such a thing never materialised but the whole thing turned into quite a riot.

Must have been about 20 people there at one point, at least half of them drunk. I was kinda in-between in all honesty, but got drunk later on - a late bloomer. Melly got everyone's requests in so the party didn't really start till she got there but when she did, i just didn't feel in the mood.

Loads of people just tore straight into the vodka but i hate the stuff so i just had a few quiet beers and talked to the sober people. Around this point, i found myself in a room with a few people and Susan was there as well and somehow the conversation turned to me and about how i've never had a girlfriend.
Fucking joy.

Susan was all hinty like, "It's not as if you haven't had offers"

All the while i was playing guitar and pretending i wasn't bothered and someone said, "It just amazes me you haven't been out with anyone"

I somehow passed it off and the conversation disappeared but then Melly came over for a chat, a good old private chat. She seen me struggling through the conversation and asked me if there were any guys i did like. Now by this time, i'd had a few more trips to the fridge so was a bit more drunk. Not as drunk as i have previously been but drunk enough for things to happen and say that i normally wouldn't.

I ended up telling her i've been practically in love with Bryan but that i'm just about giving it up because he clearly doesn't like guys. We then went into the "secret room" as i dubbed it (Nicholas' bedroom as it's where i first came out to Melly and Josh - weird huh?)
And in return she told me that she really fancied some guy at the party. Can't remember the fine details.

But the biggest shock of my night was when she went, "I had a dream about you the other night"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, you threw me up against a wall and started kissing me"

*awkward silence*

"I know you're gay but i was wondering what that would actually be like..."

*even more awkward silence*

Then she approached me... and kissed me... and i kissed her back. Must have been a good 15/20 seconds at least.

Afterwards - "Yeh, lets not tell anyone about that. Not even Josh. It stays in the secret room". We laughed and then went our separate ways.

I cannot explain how I allowed for that to happen. Firstly, she's a good friend so it shouldn't have happened and secondly, i'm fucking gay so it just totally baffles me. I'm not even attracted to her in the slightest! I can only blame the drink.

But the drama doesn't stop there, oh no! -http://inception.davepedu.com/

Even more happened in the secret room. Not long after that... meeting with Melly than was i back in there on my own with Susan. It all came out... but I didn't.

I told her basically, that i'm sorry i don't feel the same way for her as she does for me. I just never said till now because i can't stand disappointing people. She told me she pretty much figured out already but it was good to finally hear it so i was pleased at least. I just sat with my arm around her for a few minutes while she told me about some guy who does fancy her but she doesn't feel the same way.

I'm sitting like, "Now you know how i felt!" haha

I just said some nice reassuring things to her because she felt bad and i think she was better after that so we left the room. Well, i did. Kev burst in on us and i was thinking, "Oh, here we go" but i managed to leave and Kev and Susan had more than a little chat, if you get me.


Christ. Drink does the strangest things. Probably should have been me that stayed in that room while Susan left. It's what i would have expected at the start of the night.

Anyhow, the conclusion to this crazy story is that Melly and I ended up walking the guy who fancies Susan to the end of the road because he was leaving early.
Basically, things came full circle because i ended up chatting with all three of the people concerned in this drama: Melly, Susan, and the guy who fancies Susan.

I'm sorry this probably makes no sense to anyone reading this. It barely makes sense to me but it's helping me figure out exactly what the situation is :P

After he got picked up, Melly asked, "So did our kiss change anything or have i not managed to sway you at all?"

"Nope, sorry. Still gay", I laughed and we went back to the house to find more than 4 people had thrown up. I took this as my hint not to have any more or else i'd end up like them.

People cleared out not long after that but i was staying overnight so i helped a few of the sick people find a bed - i had sobered up mostly by this time.

I ended up in a bed with Josh and neither of us could sleep so there was banter to be had and he somehow found out about Kev and Susan doing stuff so we laughed about that.

That gaming marathon still has us fecked though. We were both still awake at 7am before we drifted off.
There are still things i want to talk to him about though and i don't know if i should tell him about Melly and I. I feel he deserves to know since they're best friends but maybe some things are better left unsaid.
I'll play that one by ear.

Anyway, i know this post has been disjointed. But that's what parties are like for ya!

In summary:
- Melly knows i fancy/fancied Bryan. The first person who does know about that. Oh, i also told her that i came out to him as well and she was happy for me so yay \o/
- Melly and I kissed.
- Finally resolved things with Susan without actually coming out to her... maybe i should've...
- Found out extra stuff about Melly and Susan that will probably crop back up in the near future.
- I didn't throw up like i usually do when i'm drunk xD

All in all, i can't really tell if it was a good night or not but i'll take it as it was.

Ciao for now.

I'm beginning to like that phrase ^^


Rowan <3


P.S There's probably things I've forgotten to put in this post that i'll remember after i publish it but there's already enough going on here so i'll just leave it there :P

24 Hour Gaming Marathon

So yesterday, I was part of a team of people gaming for 24 hours without stop for a charity called Extra Life.

I say part of because I wasn't even in the team - I thought I was going to be busy today so couldn't do the whole thing but it turned out I wasn't busy.

However, due to me not being in the team, I didn't have to be there for the whole thing. Beforehand, I went to Kev's house for the first time and we watched the Liverpool game. His whole family are fans as well so it was good to watch it in the company of fellow fans as opposed to usually watching it on my own. Think I'll be going round more often for games.

It was a 1-1 draw but still a good result, btw.


After this, I went to the gaming marathon, hosted at Nicholas' house because everything happens there.

The three people taking part were Josh, Rob and another guy called Stu.

As I said, I wasn't doing the whole thing but still took my Xbox, laptop, a portable TV and an Digital SLR camera that the school have lent me over the holidays (Wasn't fun carrying all of it, I tell you right now)

I joined them about 3pm and went right through with them until 9am although it was easier for me because I didn't have to stick the restriction of gaming non-stop and had a longer sleep the night before.

I've never done anything quite like it. I took a risk in taking the Digital SLR because if anything happens to it, i'm liable and Nicholas' house isn't a place you'd want to be taking it to.

But I did and it was worth it. I documented the marathon, taking a photo of the guys once an hour. I'd post something on here but they wouldn't like that (even thought they wouldn't find out) and I wouldn't do that to them anyway.

Loads of people stopped by about 7/8pm and it got really distracting and we couldn't concentrate on what we were doing but when they went things calmed down and we got some KFC which kept us going for a while.

I thought it was a bit strange though, that Nicholas didn't take part due to it being at his house. He dropped off at about 4am leaving just us 4.

Obviously, we all got annoyed at each other at points out of boredom and being tired. Staring at a screen for that long really isn't easy and I didn't even do it half as much as they did.

We achieved it however. Got through to 9am and went to sleep. Although when I woke up, I found out that the guys raised over £200 between them. Awesomesauce. Probably could have been about £250+ if i was in the team to help but I've pledged to them that I'll join them next year. They guys are going to donate it to a local children's hospital by the way ^^

The whole thing just totally throws your sleeping pattern though. Mine is screwed as the best of times but it's going to be really out of whack for the rest of the week as i'm going back to Nicholas' house tomorrow for a party. I couldn't be bothered staying for 3 nights in a row so i'm home now to take a shower and freshen up etc. before going back tomorrow.

It should be good. There's gonna be a lot of people there and Kev has said directly to me that when he's drunk he's probably going to come onto me so I'm not quite sure how i'll handle that one...

I was supposed to be going to my film club tomorrow as well but I don't think I will be now because of Nicholas' party - I'd arrive too late. I feel really guilty because we are filming a trailer for the annual film festival next Sunday so it would be best if i was in attendance but i'll make something up. Don't feel good about it but i will. I don't go to many parties (compared to other people) but this is one that I'm not missing.

There's another meeting for the film group on Wednesday though so I can go to that one to make up for me missing this.

As well as the gaming marathon, Friday was busy as well. 7 of us were round at Rob's house helping him move stuff for a new extension and got paid 20 quid. Looks like the next few days are going to be busy, too, so just thought I'd throw a little update out there for everyone while I can!

Mr. Sociable signing out ;D


Rowan <3

Goings On

I'm writing this post at 4am with school to attend in 5 hours because of my damn sleeping pattern.

Monday knocked it out of me and when i got home at about 8pm (after leaving the house 12 hours previously) all i wanted to do was get some food in me and go to bed, which i did, and unfortunately woke up now. I didn't plan to.

So i'm currently writing this listening to The Beatles Anthology 2, on loan from my dad's uncle (my great uncle). I've had all 3 of them for about a month but have only got round to it now that he's asked for them back. They're really good so far although Anthology 1 will probably be my least favourite because admittedly, i'm not a big fan of The Beatles early stuff. Some of it is good but in pales in comparison to the likes of Revolver and Sgt. Pepper's etc. Can't wait to get to that section in the next 2 hours or so!

Anyhow.

Recent times have been quite busy.

There wasn't one day last week that i came home after school and went on Xbox or my laptop or whatever. Monday was my film group, as usual. Tuesday i went to see a new documentary about George Harrison (called "Living in the Material World") which was very enjoyable if not a little long but of course, such a busy and interesting life takes 208 minutes to get through :P
A lot of interesting things about the man were uncovered and i urge any fans to see it when it eventually comes to tv which i think it probably will in parts. It might have already in the US, not sure, but this was the first public screening of it ever in the UK to my knowledge.

Wednesday was another film group meeting (yes, there's two or three a week now!)

Thursday... i actually forgot what i was doing but i certainly didn't go home after school :S
Hmm, weird. I can't remember.
And Friday, i went to see Melancholia. Wasn't great. Visually it is, but that alone can't carry a film. It's just too boring and not enough happens to make it engaging. Depressing, too, and not a film that really appeals to me. Ho hum.

I went to see it with Kev and we'd been planning to see something for a while and he built it up as a little date (awwwww) even though we did nothing apart from actually watch the film. I couldn't anyway, and didn't want to haha
If you want to mess around with someone in the cinema go and see something you know you have no interest in! Certainly, the cinema we went to, (the one i go to for my film club) you would never have done anything - it's for people who are more than casual film fans in all honesty :P
Go to some tacky multi-plex.

Saturday was a bit odd coz i stayed at somebody's house that i barely know. I honestly just wanted to spend the day in the house but everyone was eager for me to go so i did. Josh and Nicholas and a few others i know were there but i was mostly outnumbered by people i had never met which is fine by me but just a little awkward.
The people i don't know are actually people that i'll be going to the Lake District with. Can't remember if i talked about it or not yet but if i didn't then about 25 of us have rented this place somewhere in the Lake District next summer. Should be good!
A number of people have expressed their dislike of there being alcohol there but quite frankly fuck them. It's an end of school holiday, with friends, no parents. I've paid as much as they have and i'll be 18 by the time so i'll do as i please thanks :D
A number of us share this view.

Back to this house "party" which wasn't really a party. It was the first time in about 5 days i'd had something decent to eat (I'd been living of Subway last week basically) and the host of the house made curry, of all things.

There wasn't any booze or anything involved on the night but we had the house to ourselves and had a massive game of Capture the Flag and then watched a film called Youth and Revolt and played some sexy Twister ;)

People say it's only fun with alcohol involved but i disagree. I also have to talk about something strange. There was a girl there i'd never met before but there was something about her... I don't know. I think she was quite cute, and i was really happy when playing a game of Twister with her.
Weird, huh?
Well, i don't think anyone can seriously be 100% exclusively gay :P

Getting back home on Sunday afternoon, i was greeted by a kitten. Yes, we got a kitten. Why, i don't know. As cute as it is, it's just annoying and unnecessary seeing as we already have a cat AND a dog. This thing steps in the door and everyone bows down to it.
No.
Plus, i think i'm allergic to the fucking thing. I'd be quite happy for it not to be here, harsh as that sounds.


So yeh, past few weeks or so have been busy times indeed.

They ain't a-stoppin' either.

At least today will be the first day in a while where i can just come home from school and relax. Wednesday and Thursday i'll probably be at the film club again. Friday, i dunno but it'll be the last day of school before the October break next week.

Already got plans for Saturday. All according to plan, the film group will be filming a trailer which should be great fun (the basis of it is my idea after all) but it means i'll have to miss the big Liverpool vs Man United game - although if we're not filming i will watch it. Also, i'll be going to Nicholas' place to provide some moral support for Josh, Rob and another friend who are doing a charity event called Extra Life, a 24 hour gaming marathon.

I'd do it as well if i didn't already have previous engagements but i'll go round in the evening with my Xbox and join them for their second half probably. They're starting at 8am and finishing at the same time on Sunday morning. Can only imagine the amount of Lucozade and food that will be there.

But it's just the start if things at Nicholas' house. His parents are away all next week so his house will be getting trashed by a drunken load of us at least once, if not twice. The thing is that Kev (who i seen Melancholia with) has already told me that he is going to try and pull (kiss/snog) me when drunk.

I can tell - obviously with that statement - that he's got a bit of a thing for me but i'm sorry to say i don't harbour the same feelings about him. I like him but i'm not attracted to him. People would probably just say let it happen, get yourself a bit and maybe i will, maybe i won't. I can't predict what will or won't happen when i'm drunk :P

I'm looking forward to this random party anyhow, it's been far too long without one!

And i'm looking forward to having next week off as well. I can relax finally, and i think deservedly, as i've been more than a little rushed off my feet lately.

Ciao for now.


Rowan <3


PS Anthology 2 is really getting good now. Rare take of Tomorrow Never Knows was quite sublime and these Sgt.Pepper's tracks are tripping me to hell.

A Week Away

Just back from my week at Josh's place.

It was a good week.

But my week actually started the day before, at Anfield in Liverpool. My dad and i went to see Liverpool vs Valencia. We won 2-0 which was good but i was mostly bothered about being sat in the Kop which is something i can tick off my bucket list (not that i plan on dying any time soon)

Obviously, it was just a friendly match and the atmosphere wasn't as good as it probably is for big matches but that doesn't bother me a jot.

While we were at the match, my mum and sister went into town to see a film and Liverpool's Gay Pride was on at the time but if they seen any of the festivities, neither of them mentioned it.
Anfield is a bit further from the city centre so i didn't see anything either.

Anyhoo, after this i was dropped at Josh's. Was about 30 minutes from Liverpool.

There were 6 people there that night and it was, in all honesty, the best night of the week and this was before the week even began :P

Josh was there of course, Nicholas was staying for the full two weeks, Rob arrived the same day i did and two other friends (who i wont name to keep names to a minimum) were there, too.

It was quite a crazy night, but that's coz we pretty much had a whole house to ourselves.

Basically there is the main house, then a little annex behind it and a two floor converted garage which was left to us, meaning we could stay up till whenever and be as loud as we liked. We did exactly that. Plentiful supply of alcohol as well. Must have had 7 bottles in 2 or 3 hours as well as Josh's dad providing some whiskey.

Needless to say, i was sick again and i apparently threw a whiskey glass at a wall but whatever :P


The two nameless friends left the next day and i think the effects were felt immediately. It was way quieter. I have to say that mine and Rob's arrival were probably a breath of fresh air to everyone else who had spent a whole week with each other but we were down to four.

The first couple of days were quite enjoyable, just getting to enjoy the place and the area. We went into Liverpool itself one day but it was a bit disappointing because all the shops closed really early due to the fucking disgraceful riots.

We still bought NERF guns and had a battle back at the house coz we're so awesome liek \m/

Went into Manchester another day, without Nicholas coz he's a lazy shit :P

I slag it off sometimes coz i support Liverpool but i don't think i'll knock it again. It seems a really open and diverse city. As soon as we got out the car and turned the corner, we walked straight past an LGBT bar and in the beer garden there were two guys kissing. It was really sweet :)

Never seen anything like that where i live. Truth.

I thought we were about to immerse ourselves into Manchester's gay district which i hear is quite large but that must have just been the edge because we headed right into the town centre and done some window shopping. Went to a milkshake bar. Yes, a milkshake bar. Where i had a skittles milkshake and played the owner at Street Fighter. He won but it was still awesome.

Apparently, there's some free tasting day this Thursday and i'd love to go but obviously i can't :/

That's all the city-seeing. Most other days we had things like food eating competitions, more gun battles, annoying Rob :P

Josh's dad got it right; Rob is the whipping boy of the group. We always take the piss out of him!

Josh's dad himself is honestly is one of the most legendary dad's on the planet - excluding the fact that he left Josh's disabled mum on her own - The amount of hassle is must have been to have a group of 17 years olds staying and getting food and drinks for everyone must have been insane but it didn't seem to phase him. Apparently we weren't a bother ^_^

Another running thing was having bacon everyday and playing a game of Monopoly. Josh's dad cooked all our meals (coz he's a god) and because he was stuck one night, he just put bacon through the mash potatoes. Words cant decribe :')

Also, with Monopoly. We all won at least a game each but Nicholas won 5.

A true reflection of his real life: having insane amounts of money, possessions and luck.


Towards the end of the week, things got a bit more tense. Everyone was getting on each others' nerves and we all kinda just wanted to go home. I had a stupid argument one night with Josh about music then another night about a new guitar he bought. Pointless shit.

In the midst of this, Rob, who never drinks, got drunk! Bloody hell it was funny and it was one of those "I was there moments" coz he is usually very anti-alcohol and afterwards said it would never be happening again.

We shall see about that.

Anyhow. The day before we were all due to come home, shit hit the fan. Nicholas and Josh really fell out and Nicholas left along with Rob and got the train home. Simply coz he wanted to go home and because he had enough money to do so.

It was quite a shock but i suppose spending two weeks living like a pig with the same person can get to you. I didn't like him leaving like that, without saying thanks to Josh's dad, but i understand why he did.

Rob has no excuse. He begged Josh to come down and after finding out he could, he leaves a day early.

It may also be the last time we see him for a good while as he won't be coming back to school. He left that early as well.


So Josh and I spent the final night adding the finishing touches to a song we've been working on which was interesting but challenging. From that alone, i can see how difficult it would be to actually be in a band.
Just difference of opinions on what sounds the best really but in all fairness the song is originally mine and Josh was just adding his input.
I've changed it about a little since then and i like it but it still isn't finished. It is indeed, the first song i have ever wrote.

I still don't even know if Josh and I are a proper band. I play bass obviously and he's a drummer but we both dabble in guitar and he got a new one recently...

The song we wrote is actually all distorted bass and drums with a little bit of synth in it and it still sounds good so we're debating whether or not a guitarist is needed. If it is, then we plan to approach Alex coz he's rather talented.


The next day it was time to go home and i saved over £50 in doing so.

As Nicholas left a day early, he left his original ticket behind so i used that and called my mum telling her so. She can refund the ticket i didn't use!

Either way, i didn't see one conductor on that train (a VIRGIN train) for the whole journey so i could have had the journey for free anyway. Good thing Nicholas did go home in that case or i might have actually wasted my ticket altogether.


That is really about all there is to tell. It was a good week, as i said, but i was a little disappointed from all the wild stories i've heard from previous years. Probably coz there were more people before. If the two friends didn't leave then it would probably have been better, or if other people were allowed to come.

Alas, it seems 4 people in a confined space can be difficult to deal with for a whole week. I'm still glad i went even if it probably was the first and last time i go - Josh's dad plans to sell the house -  but for now, i'm just really happy to be back in my own house and can't wait to sleep in my own bed after i click "Publish post" in a few minutes time :)


Rowan <3


Below is a band i have recently discovered after Josh told me about them and after i found they were playing Reading and Leeds. They are called Death From Above 1979 and consist of a drummer and a bassist only and is why Josh and I question if a guitarist is needed in our band as the music these guys make is amazing... and also rather insane! As a bassist who enjoys his fair share of distortion, i admire the bass playing for DFA and i simply cannot wait to see them in 11 days time.

Updates

So it's been a while since my last post (prepare yourself for a long'un) and for good reason.

This summer has been way more eventful and outgoing for myself than i'd have ever imagined.

Honestly, i've spent as much time at my house as i have at other people's. It's strange coz i never usually do a lot over summer. Just sit inside and do whatever but anyway, onto what you're probably expecting to read.

The situation between myself, Susan and Rose for starters.

Rose is sorted and there was quite a bit of skill involved actually, however mean that sounds.

It was over Facebook, as it usually is. She goes, "You're gay for me" and im thinking, "Ah, this could be going somewhere" so i replied with "Nup"

It continued: 

Rose: yep

Me: Nope

Rose: why not :(

Me: Cuz

Rose: ye that makes sence >.<

Me: Yup.

Rose: your boring me

Me: I am boring.

Me: and you're*

Rose: not usually :( you just dont love me anymore

Me: ... (5 minutes later)

‎Rose: :/

Not my proudest moment but it had to be done. Facebook, in person, doesn't matter. Still felt bad but it's probably easier over the internet tbh but now that Rose has realised it ain't happening, i still have to sort things with Susan.

I honestly think the best way of dealing with it is to let it all fade away. If i don't act then surely that gets the hint across that i'm not interested, right?

Instead of going through with some overblown and awkward confrontation, letting things slide away gradually sounds a lot better and that way we can remain friends as well, whereas i'm not sure how the ground will lie with Rose when i see her next.

At least it isn't awkward with Susan at the moment, such as this previous weekend.

It was her birthday and it was a blast!

Just took place at her house, group of friends were invited. Good fun.

There was secret talk amongst us all of getting alcohol somehow coz we knew her parents would be gone for a bit.

Didn't matter in the end coz her parents actually bought a whole crate of Budweiser for the guys and loads of Smirnoff Ice for the ladies!

What legends.

It was another evening of getting drunk without planning to.

I need to learn how to handle alcohol properly coz i threw up again. My theory is that both times i was drinking i hadn't eaten so next time, i will make sure i do :P

Anyway, when a group of teenagers are left alone with alcohol, funny and weird things happen.

Such as me and Nicholas kissing.

This was after a few beers but i remember it vividly and it was nice but by the same token it was very brief and more akin to a little kiss you'd give your mother, if maybe just a little bit more than that. However, it was overshadowed by a full french kiss involving Melly and another girl. This was in the middle of the living room with everyone watching. Guess that's one way to announce your sexuality.

I think Melly made a bit of a boo-boo there coz it's what most people remember from that night. Not that anybody is hating on her coz of it tho which is good.

Anyhoo, Susan's parents were awesome. They actually came back home and this was after most of the drink had been drunk. A bit tactless but they must have been geared up for it. They were both really concerned for me when i was sick but when i half sobered up, i said thanks and sorry. Was weird :P

I'd be tempted to go out with Susan just because her parents are so great... jokes, jokes.

I didn't actually end up going home for a few days after that. Stayed a night at Nicholas' house with a load of people and the day after i went to Josh's. 

Usually that involves a whole load of Rock Band but it was one of the nicest days of the year so far so we went a walk. He lives in the countryside pretty much so some of the scenery was actually quite lovely. There's a great little river round the back of his house as well which he didn't know about.

He's lived there for 4 years and it took me and a bit of sun for him to find that out. Yeah, he's quite a nerd :P

What else has been happening recently? Let's see... 

Oh yeh, I went to an auditioning for a film the other week. 

Ok. Not so much an auditioning but fill in some details and get your picture taken. It's only to be an extra but hey, the pay is rather good. Maybe £100 a day and could be working for 10!

More on that when i find out if i'm in or not. I do hope i find out soon coz it will affect the rest of my plans for summer...

I'm supposed to be going with Josh, and a group of other friends, to his dad's house near Manchester someplace but i can't commit to it until i know if i've been cast or not :P

I'd love to do both but there's a good chance they could clash. If they don't then it will probably take place when school starts back so i wouldn't be able to go... there's also Reading and Leeds at the end of next month to think about.

If only they could have given us the dates and i could have made my mind up before i auditioned!

Next month would be perfect if i could be in the film, go to Josh's, and go to Reading and Leeds. Unlikely but who knows.

Speaking of films, I've become a bit of a movie buff recently. I've applied to a local cinema group (another thing i'm waiting to hear back from) and when i've not been out and about, i've been watching movies.

So many films out there that i've not seen. I have a list that i'm currently working my way through. For example, one of the most recent was There Will Be Blood and the next few include Chinatown, Das Boot and Raging Bull.

Anyway, one reason i've applied to this group is to further my movie knowlegde, as well as talk about movies with people my age, get out the house a little and (although nobody will admit it) put it down on a CV for applying to university.

The atmosphere at the group is also unbelievably camp. I swear at least 2 or 3 of the guys there are gay! 

So i do quite hope i get accepted into that.

I'll finish by talking a little about Reading and Leeds, which is now exactly a month away! I'm excited, but nervous at the same time coz i'm still waiting on the Reading tickets. Got my Leeds but Reading seems to be waiting around. I check my email literally every day just to see if there's been any change :P

Going with Bryan doesn't seem as great as it once did. I haven't seen him once since school let out which is a shame (since he owes me a fair amount of money... kidding) but just because i do quite miss him. But not seeing him has made me realise something. I've seen people like Josh, Rob, Nicholas, Susan et al so many times recently compared to not seeing Bryan at all. It's probably coz he isn't actually in the same friend group in all honesty.

But then there's a reason for that. People in the same friend group are there because they get on well with each other. Obviously Bryan gets on better with other people which i just have to accept. Nothing that can be done about that.

I mean, he is still a friend but isn't quite a friend like Josh, for example. 

Josh lives over 10 miles away and i've seen him more for christ sake! That speaks volumes in my opinion. Plus, im comfortable enough for Josh to know i'm gay but i've no intention of telling Bryan.

Anyway, i am going to try and invite him round over the weekend. Will be nice to spend a bit of time with him again and on the plus side, i now know he didn't end up going bald after all xD

Phew. Think that's just about all i've got in me for now. I'd have posted this in bits over the past few weeks if i had to time but if you've read this far you can probably see that's been a bit difficult to come across!

After about 3 weeks of nothing i felt i owed a longish post anyway so there it is... what you've just slaved your way through reading.

Hope y'all are fine and dandy :)

Rowan <3

Really into this song by the Fab Four at the moment:

Here's the Story

In my last post i mentioned there was a big meet up at someone's house so just for background information this "someone" was Nicholas. Mentioned him a few posts back, he's mega rich, massive house and his parents are away on holiday. I ended up staying two nights for that reason which is why this post has been a bit delayed.

Anyways, I went to his on Wednesday, kinda nervous coz i knew Susan would be there and i had the idea in my head that i'd be able to talk privately with her somewhere. However, with all that was going on - clearing ASDA out of their full stock of 1 litre Orange Lucoazde bottles between us, messing around on computers etc - and mainly coz there were so many people there, it turned out to be impossible. I think there were 10 people in total.

The opportunity to talk never presented itself, besides it was already awkward enough. We barely talked from the time she got there (2pm) to the time she left (bout 9pm)

I seem to remember we did talk a bit but that's only after the booze came out...

*facepalm*

Yes. I'll own up now. I got drunk.

Trust me, i didn't plan to but it happened. Nicholas started drinking to build up some Dutch courage to break up with his girlfriend and then continued to drink in celebration afterwards. Josh had a little, his friend Melly had some and then i thought, "What the hell" and joined in.

It was an innocent mix of gin and coke to begin with but we soon discovered Nicholas' wine seller and that was it. I ended up getting drunk on red wine, how very homosexual.

But this lead to the most important detail of the night. Bits of this instance are missing from memory, like most of the night in general, but i told Josh and his friend, Melly, that i do like guys.

I don't remember how but we found ourselves in a private part of the house, all 3 of us drunk and i seem to recall me saying something along the lines of, "Guys, i'm at least bi you know, i do like guys." To my knowledge, i did not full out say i was gay but in all honesty, i probably could've coz both of them didn't mind. As i said my memory is a bit blank in places but i also recall Bryan's name coming up in that conversation o_O

Hope i didn't say something a bit more, than i thought. Josh didn't mention Bryan the next day when we talked but i haven't discussed it yet with Melly. She also levelled with me by saying that she is probably bi and has done things with girls before. Whaddya know.

For the record, this was after Susan had left the house and the conversation was solely between Josh, Melly and I. I don't know why i told Melly tho. I know her fairly well but not well enough to say what i did in all honesty. Thankfully, Josh and her are tight and he has assured me that she won't go talking and neither will he. By the same token, i won't go blabbing about Melly so we're on the same playing field.

That was the night's main events apart from all of us attempting (and apparently failing) to walk Melly home and then returning to Nicholas' house and throwing up in his sink whilst on Facebook via my iPod at the same time.

The people who stayed sober had a good laugh about that. Josh, Melly, Nicholas and i were the most drunk. A few others had enough to get a little drunk and the rest didn't touch any. Our group honestly isn't one to go drinking a lot. I personally am not so i'm a bit surprised i did tbh. I'm a bit surprised ANY of us did but there you go. It has made me realise why people do drink with their friends. Part of it was quite fun, but it's the aftermath - the vomiting and the headaches - that counters it.

It's certainly the most drunk i've ever been though and if i ever do again i will make sure i've at least eaten something and i'm not drinking red wine - i swear i thought i was throwing up blood at the time - hopefully beer, if anything.

Anyway, now that you've read all that i'm guessing a few of you may be quite disappointed and rightly so. I did read all your comments and i did try hard to speak openly with Susan to clear the air but to no avail. Getting drunk certainly wasn't part of my game plan so i can only apologise once again. I certainly didn't ignore anything that was said. I considered it all and thank you for going to the trouble of attempting to help me.

At the end of the day, things have worked out positively for the moment. Not 100% positively but it's still good nevertheless. Two trustworthy people know i like guys. I see that as a plus. The situation with Susan and Rose needs to just work itself out however, and Josh even believes the same.

I see a lot more of Susan than i do of Rose. Rose is like an annoying stalker to be brutally honest. She texts me non-stop but i hardly see her. I'll be surprised if i do once this summer but if i do, i will try to get her to back off even if i hate rejecting people in that way.

Susan is on holiday for a week or two but no doubt i'll see her and hopefully i can tell her then. Whether i have to come out to either of them remains to be seen. I don't know. Josh (who knows both quite well) thinks the best thing to do would be to just tell them i'm sorry i don't feel the same way about them and like them as friends. A few comments suggested this as well and i'm more inclined to agree with them.

Josh has my back though which is an important thing. Well, i'd like to think he does.


Anyhoo, as for now i'm back home and just trying to relax after the last few days. It's been hectic, fun, interesting and worrying. Nothing happened the second day i was there apart from loads of gaming. Perhaps part of the reason i did get drunk was because i knew i didn't have to go home the next day... who knows, but apparently festivities involving alcohol are planned again for tonight.

Josh is still there, Nicholas obviously and Melly is returning. I'll leave them to it. If i didn't have such a busy weekend then i might consider it but it doesn't matter anyway coz i'm home now. See, I AM responsible. I know when enough is enough :P

But i just want to apologise again if i've let anyone down. I really hope i haven't and i appreciate your help. This situation isn't pleasant (although its certainly easier with advice from folk reading this!) but hopefully it isn't as bad as it seems and can be cleared up within the next few weeks. I'll keep you updated, of course, and i'll try to sort it out as best i can.


Rowan <3

An Obscure Weekend With An Old Friend

I've had quite a strange weekend, spent mostly with an old friend, Josh.

Josh and I used to be literally best friends id say, about 2-3 years ago and then we drifted apart after a falling out. It was over something completely stupid.

He had a bit of a thing for one of my cousins which is well... not wonderful but i wasn't too bothered. It only annoyed me when people started taking the piss out of my cousin for it: she was somewhat interested in Josh who is quite a big guy, not a looker.

Basically, they were making fun of my cousin so i tried to put a stop to it by being a total twat. I said to Josh to leave my cousin alone because people were being assholes about it and also because of the fact that she lives in France so yeh...

Anyway, he took it badly, then i got pissed off with him and we were just no longer friends.

It kinda remained that way for a few years but back in September when i moved into this new social circle i started to get on friendly terms with him again and as it stands, we're pretty much where we were a few years ago which is quite awesome coz he's a great guy.


That's the prelude.

This is the past few days.

I went to stay at Rob's on Friday, Josh was doing as well, and we had a massive Rock Band 3 sesh planned which kinda went ahead but then another guy, Nicholas, who i don't know very well came along and it was just really good fun. He's spoilt rich but one of the most random people i've ever met, i can never take him seriously at all.

I didn't get much sleep on Friday, about an hour max, because Rob's house is all over the place. I ended up sleeping on the floor next to Josh and Nicholas while Rob slept in a nice comfy bed.

Anyhoo, the inevitable chatting commenced and at some point i was asked who i was "interested" in. I never told them, i was never going to in the first place but all three of them pushed me really hard to find out. At some point Rob even said, "Is it guy?" but i was all, "Leave me alone, none of your business" kinda thing and the subject was eventually dropped.

Another something that came up was that Josh, Rob and Nicholas, all three of them, are of the opinion that i am the best looking in the whole group. I don't know how to react to that, i mean there are probably 20 of us in total. It's great that they think so but being modest as i am, i wouldn't say so but neither could i say who is the best looking. Weird :S

There's a strange thing about Nicholas which i feel i must mention. He has no problem being naked, and this is in the company of other guys. While not sleeping i found out that New York legalised gay marriage (and well done to them!) so i said, "Nicholas, with your antics, you'll be glad to know New York has made gay marriage legal" implying that he was gay, but he replied, "Not really, i'm against fags."

Yeh. But as i said, i can never take him seriously so i don't really know. I'll have to ask Josh, he knows Nicholas better. I'd be disappointed if he was really homophobic coz he's honestly a great guy.

But besides that and sleeping on the floor, it was quite a good night. Saturday, however, made the whole thing even more awesome.

Rob had to leave early to meet his girlfriend, an hour and a half away on the train. Yeh, dodgy story, i wont go into it.

So Josh, Nicholas and I were at Rob's house and he wasn't.

On an hours sleep, we proceeded to Nicholas' house. Now, i've met this guy about 3 or 4 times and i've never been to his house (which is bloody MASSIVE) and when i got there, Josh and I found a bottle a whiskey and had a glass of it each - his parents are away for 2 weeks. Random house. Whiskey. Midday. Yup.

What's more is, i even had a shower at the house. I don't tend to shower at others people's houses let alone houses i've never been to. But it was chill and i was even able to dry and straighten my hair.

If this wasn't random enough, Josh got a call from Bella - I know this is a lot of names going about just now, but i've mentioned Bella before, she's the really anti-homophobic girl - to go round to a party as it's her birthday in a few days.

"Why not?" I thought, and Josh and I stole a few beers from Nicholas' dad's cabinet - he's got loads, he wont miss a few.

We didn't get the chance to drink them coz Bella's parents were home but it was still great and was the 2nd house i visited yesterday which i never had before. Random.  Again, i don't even know Bella that well but i still felt bad for not getting her a present.

Loads of our friends showed up and it was an all out great atmosphere. Convinced me to try and get out a bit more this summer.

Anyhoo, it was late by the time i decided to go home and at this time i realised my parents hadn't heard from me all day so i called and i was in quite deep shit.

Even before we walked home from Bella's we still had to go back and collect some stuff from Rob's, so we did. I think we cockblocked him.

We had to wait a good few minutes after we knocked at his door and when we went up to his room, his girlfriend was just sitting there like, "Sup". Again, random.

By the time Josh and I got home it was rather late and my parents still didn't even know i planned for Josh to stay. I got a bit of a telling off but it was fine coz Josh was there; my dad tries to be Mr. Awesome in front of friends - he gave us a beer each and then... (wait for it) a little glass of whiskey. Haha, Josh and I couldn't believe it! 2nd of the day. We toasted the weekend.

It's certainly been one of the most eventful i've had in a good while. I don't generally do much at weekend. Maybe i should...

Anyway, i'm now going to Josh's on Thursday and i can't wait. I'm taking my bass and my massive amp and there'll be Rock Band 3, maybe beer. Gonna be fantastic.

The only not fantastic thing is that i'm quite sure he will ask me who i like again. And again, i wont tell him but i've got a feeling that i may well tell him i like guys... as well as girls? I don't know yet, we'll see but either way Josh seems like quite a trustworthy guy.


Gonna leave it there. Tired from the past few days and i've got a bit of a cold so i need to recover and i shall do so in style - I still have two beers that i nicked from Nicholas!


Rowan <3


P.S I've no idea about the situation with Bryan and his hair. I've heard nothing over the past few days. My guess is that he did get it cut but strangely, i'm not too bothered. Meh.