Wow. I just came out to my mum no longer than an hour ago.
Im quite out of it right now so im not going to write a lot. I'll talk all about it when im in the right frame of mind but for now, things are cool. I love my mum so much.
Today has been fucking surreal
Again, sorry for the scarce details but i just need to chill the hell out
...and all through the house not a creature was stirring except...
THE FOUR ASSHOLES COMING IN THE REAR, STANDARD, 2 BY 2 COVER FORMATION!
^ I've just finished watching my annual dose of Die Hard. I watch it every year on Christmas Eve to get me in the mood (for killing!! -jokes-)
Think ive been doing that for a good 3 or 4 years now, although im sure i first seen it when i was 10. (but thats nothing, i seen Alien when i was 7)
While im on the subject, whats your favourite Christmas movie of all time?
Im sure i could have watched something less violent, such as, It's a Wonderful Life, Home Alone, Elf...
But Die Hard is one of my favourite movies of all time, just so happens that it fits in well at Christmas xD
Anyhoo, just wanted to post this quickly as its now actually Christmas Day for me but i havent been to bed yet. Oops.
At this time of year, we all take the chance to look back and reflect on times gone by but i wont be doing that just now coz im too tired, plus, i'll do it on New Year's Eve i expect.
To save me rambling on further i want to wish you all a very merry Christmas. I hope you can kick back, relax and take a breather for the next few days. Same goes for those of you that don't actually celebrate Christmas.
Come to think of it, i dont know why i do - its a religious festival turned global commercial event.
But more importantly, its about family and im truly grateful thay i can spend another Christmas with mine. Hopefully there will be many more too...
Im sure there may be some reading this that unfortunately, cant spend time, dont spend time, or, are unable to spend time, with family. My thoughts go out to you and i hope you are able to spend this period as happily as possible.
So to everyone who reads this blog, Merry Christmas, whoever and wherever you may be!
I dont often post about single days on their own really but today was worth a mention for a few reasons. Mainly, it was Steven's final day in school.
Tbh it didn't actually affect me an awful lot. I've not seen much of him in the past few months (thankfully) and today was no different.
I was going to write something on his leavers shirt but i missed the opportunity. I couldn't really think of anything worthwhile to say so i just left it.
I was talking to some other people and i think they feel the same way. You see, he's going to some music college to play guitar and its really not going to work out - he can barely play at a grade 3 level - so i honestly can imagine him returning next summer after having recognised his failure, if the school let him back in of course :P
But yeh, its good to know i wont be seeing one bit of him day to day anymore although i suppose i should be thankful for a few things. It was some act of friendship to offer and take me to Wembley to see Muse - no other person i know would have. It's a day i'll never forget and i do owe it all to Steven and thats why i feel like a bit of a dick for just abandoning him literally days after.
But i just couldn't tolerate his bullshit anymore, and leaving that social circle hasn't really had any adverse effects: I usually walk the 10 minutes to the train these days, after school with Kev, the bi guy (lol) and another girl who ive become really friendly with recently and I swear, the amount of times she implies im gay, i would say she actually knows :P
She knows Kev is bi and, take today for example, when she says "Oh my favourite time of the day, walking home with my two best gay friends" I think i have reason to say she knows a bit more than she lets on haha
But it's all good, it isn't like she is bothered at all by it. I think she would like confirmation (again, lol) but im fine with how things are sitting right now. It's actually quite funny, some of the things she says.
So thats what happened this Solstice day, a day in which i have seen virtually no sunlight :P (coz im a vampire, liek)
There was supposed to be a lunar eclipse too, but i didnt see it :/
Although im glad the shortest day of the year is past us, surely that means things get better and brighter from here on out, right? RIGHT!?
It's good to be back, especially after all the weather warnings up and down the country recently.
Both journeys went fairly well however. Thursday into London was pretty much plain sailing. Thats once we actually got going. Mum was hesitant over to whether actually go or not and dad was getting all stressed about being kept in the dark or whatever :S
I dunno, but for a few hours the atmosphere was quite tense.
Anyhoo, by the time we got into London and who we were staying with, it was late. As i think i said, we were staying with old friends we used to live across the street from in London. I still remember the street a little, not an awful lot, but it was nice to be back. So we chatted for an hour or so when we arrived but then we all just went to bed coz we had a long day ahead of us.
The funeral was on the Friday and our aunt and uncle's house (where we were in the summer) was only a few miles away so we headed over and met up with everyone, chatted a bit and then the undertakers showed up which immediately darkened the mood. So, in funeral procession, we made for the crematorium where it began to snow.
The funeral itself, thankfully, was short. Grandma Knitter wasnt actually a particularly religious woman, something i was actually quite surprised to find out. I recall my Grandad's being a good few hours long...
This one wasnt but i still sobbed as quietly as possible pretty much from start to finish. I am seriously not good with funerals at all, i mean, i only knew the woman for the last few years of her life and there were people there who probably knew her for over 70 years. Weird thought.
I remember looking up and seeing my aunt (Grandma Knitter's daughter) buried into a jacket and that set me off.
Also, the reverend was a useless cunt. *ahem*
He felt nothing for what was going on. Read exactly what was put in front of him, misread and read out one of my cousins' names calling *her* "Kevin". Worst of all, he even forgot who the funeral was for! Something like, "And now we are gathered today in memory of... umm.. *cough cough, turn page* "
I wanted to go and slap him but i just sat, like everyone. My aunt is certainly going to complain. I wasnt the only one there that noticed his fuck ups, everybody did. Arse :/
One thing that was nice was that it was snowing. It was rather fitting seeing as the last song was White Christmas. That set many people off but i think me more than some others because of one big thing. Grandma Knitter isnt her real name of course, it comes from her love of knitting. When i was born, i was given this soft toy rabbit which i have to this day and Grandma Knitter knitted a little costume for it. Unfortunately, the original costume got burned years ago and all that remains of it are the little shoes and a scarf. Its still special though coz its a very personal thing to me and its something that i will hopefully have for the rest of my life. Apparently i used to go everywhere with it :$
But yeah, i brought that rabbit from home just for the occasion and my aunt loved that i did and im sure Grandma Knitter would have too.
White Christmas played and i held that toy and cried. As i said, i dont deal with funerals well.
After the service, we went back to our aunt's house and it was crowded. But people eventually piled out and then i learned my mum had to leave for bloody Liverpool! She had a really ill aunt or something and had to head up right away. Done well to keep that one quiet, i had no idea but at the end of the day, that really isnt what she needs right now.
She got the train up ok and she probably wont be back till tomorrow, providing the weather behaves itself.
Saturday was easily the best day. Just hung out with our cousins and our aunt and uncle. Its lovely being with family. Saturday morning it snowed heavy and the roads were all iced up. Seeing as there was no traffic we skated around on the iced-up roads, had snowball fights (i got one smacked right in my face lol) and then we went to a nearby pub and had a few drinks and a little bite to eat. We went back home and watched The Wizard of Oz, all snuggled up. It was brilliant. Our cousin made us a lovely dinner and we watched some of Coming to America. Hilarious film.
We had to say our goodbyes there and then coz we were leaving the next morning. I get quite upset at these times, too. Im just a walking water works, arent I? :P
We didnt get to visit Abbey Road btw, or Wembley, as i would have liked. My dad didnt want to go out of his way if it meant possibly getting held up by the weather :/
Most of the journey back i done an english essay on Romeo and Juliet. Was gonna write it but that wasnt happening so i did it the difficult way and typed it up on my ipod :P Thats gonna be one shit essay but hey, at least ive done it! Ive said about all i can now about the past few days so i'll leave you with this in memory of Grandma Knitter...
Rowan <3
PS Good to hear about the repeal for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" in the US army xD
I wonder if i'm destined to be in the closet my whole life to people face to face :/
A situation arose today, and although i wouldnt have actually said im gay i would have at least been able to say im bi, which btw i think would be a better option for me at this time if anything.
Anyhoo, the chance was presented to me so clearly. It was on a golden plate, it shouted to me "HELLO, SAY IT!" but i still didn't...
We had an assembly and the whole year was filling up the seats in the main hall and i was, by matter of chance, positioned between Rob and Kev who in recent weeks i have learned are both bisexual although it seems they swing more to the girl side.
But thats neither here nor there.
Can't remember what we were discussing but Rob and Kev were joking about a guy sitting a few rows in front, saying they'd do him :P
And i was all silent, not saying much, just joining in with the laughter and Rob said, "Ahh, its great being bi" Kev agreed with him, "Yeh, it is"
And i still fucking said nothing!!!!
Gah!
What would it have taken for me to say something like, "Haha, same" !?!?!?!?
As soon as the moment passed i realised it, i literally facepalmed.
Why couldn't i say it? Nothing untoward would have been said, nothing bad would have happened.
It's not like i wasn't quick enough or anything, i could have easily said it but i didn't. I put it down to cowardice. No, really, that was so cowardly. There was nothing to be afraid of but i still said nothing.
*sigh* I'll never get anywhere if i don't seize opportunities like that.
In other news, i got marks for my bass prelim scores back and they are like last years - disappointing - but they always mark the prelims harshly. They did last year and i got full marks on both instruments in the final exam so im not worried. Think i'll be getting my guitar marks back tomorrow.
Also, we've started social dance which im just not having any of. I "forgot" my PE kit today. I've put up with social dance the past four years but no longer! (unless i can dance with a guy of course xD)
Anyhoo, thats about it for now. dunno when i'll post next coz, of course, im off to London on Thursday...
So, Grandma Knitter's funeral is to take place this coming Friday which means a return trip to London.
It will be my third time there this year would you believe!?
1st time was for my cousin's birthday back in July, 2nd time to see Muse at Wembley in September but the 3rd time wont be for such pleasant reasons.
We'll be departing on the Thursday coz i expect the funeral will be early on Friday mourning. Think we're staying with some old friends, too. Dunno if i've mentioned on my blog but when i was younger, like from the ages of 1-4, i lived in London. Anyhoo, if you remember my post about London back in July, i mentioned meeting an old friend. Well, it isn't just him who's an old friend, his parents are too, of my mum and dad's so they've been kind enough to put us up for a few nights.
We didn't want to impose on our aunt and uncle coz obviously they'll be having a hard enough time dealing with the funeral and grieving i expect so we'd never suggest we stay with them like we did earlier this year.
It will be nice to see them again tho, and a few cousins will be there so that will be cool too. We can celebrate, together, the long, full life of Grandma Knitter. In case you hadn't gathered, Grandma Knitter is not a blood relative of mine. She was my aunt's mum but really, i guess she was like family because of how kind and loving she was. A big loss to everyone in any case.
Friday will be the only full day we are there but we might hang around on Saturday as well, so ive came up with a few suggestions to try and brighten the mood. One being, i've never visited Abbey Road so if we could go there that would be awesome, try and snap a few pictures of a certain famous photo in itself :P
Wembley Stadium is also only 5 miles up the road, returning there would be fantastic as well. Great memories. Abbey Road looks a possibility but Wembley might be pushing it, we'll see.
All of this only comes after a short, but hellish week. I have my re-scheduled guitar prelim tomorrow (school was off for 3 days last week due to snow!) as well as a french listening NAB and possibly speaking test.
Tuesday i have my re-scheduled spanish writing NAB. Wednesday, if my french speaking isn't on Monday, it will be then. Thursday i should have had an english NAB but i'm only in for first two periods, at my request, coz i have to edit some of our music video and the rest of my group don't know if its New York or New Year. Friday is their job tho...
So yeh, busy week ahead. At least i get to see some family again, even if it isn't for the best of reasons. I look forward to seeing them anyway.
Rowan <3
P.S I told my mum i'd like to donate to the Terrence Higgins Trust (THT) AIDS charity and she had no problems with it whatsoever :)
PPS If you live in the UK please buy Many of Horror by Biffy Clyro coz some ass called Matt won the X Factor with a cover of that song this evening under the title of "When We Collide" and will attempt to win Christmas number 1 with it this year. We can't let this happen. This needs to be a repeat of last year so please help, in the name of good music!!!
(buy it if you're not in the UK too, its Biffy Clyro for feck sake xD)
Think ive posted the song before but never mind...
My mum's doing this... thing this year for Christmas.
I don't know the ins and outs but i think it's something like she isn't sending cards to people this year, she will donate stuff to charity instead?
Whether that be clothes, money idk but the point is she is asking everyone who they want to donate for.
My mum is donating to an Alzheimers charity, i expect because her mum died of that.
My brother is donating to WWF for some reason. (ive never known him to be an animal person)
Forgot what everyone else is donating to but then she asked me and i was caught completely off guard and uninterested but i have now become interested of course :P
At the time i said i didn't know what charity but then it came to me. Stonewall! \o/
But then it came to me. :(
Think it would look a little strange if my donation was to a gay rights charity... but i would really like to.
Basically, im asking for some help here. Do you think there is a way i could still say to my mum thats who i want my donation to go to?
If not, apart from Childline - coz in my experience ive found them to be useless - what charity that helps children and young people would be a good one to donate to?
Im sure there are loads but i currently cant think and id like to have a little look for myself as to who i would like to donate to so i just need a few good suggestions to get the ball rolling.
As i said, i don't know exactly what my mum's big idea is here but i will find out. Just looking for ideas at the moment ^^
I'm 19 years old and am a raging homosexual... yes I'm gay :P
This blog is simply where i can throw down thoughts, musings, frustrations... comical genius... (?) But through this blog I also hope to help anyone who is scared, confused, unsure or in need of some place to feel better about themselves :)
