One Year Ago Today...

It has now been a year since i came out to Lauren and wow, it's flown by.

(http://dailyodoings.blogspot.com/2010/01/i-came-out.html - The original post)
(http://dailyodoings.blogspot.com/2010/02/ls-response.html - The conversation on msn between me and Lauren)


It stays fresh in my mind and i expect it will until the day i die. I even remember the exact day and time. T'was a Sunday, and i typed the words on msn at 3:55pm.
Anyone find that sad?

Well, maybe not coz it was a big fecking step for me so i guess it's only right that i remember a lot about it. That step, i think, gave me courage. Since, i've been more confident about it, most particularly in school. Im not out of course but its certainly no secret that i have no problem with gays and even a few friends probably suspect i am as well. These friends being the new friends that i took the decision to socialise with because their views and opinions matched mine a lot better than my old group's ever did.
Oh, and my mum knows too, of course :P

But none of it would have happened if i never told Lauren last year, and would also never have happened if she wasn't so awesome about it :D
Thank you so much Lauren, you're brilliant and im honestly so happy and proud (and lucky) you're my cousin, but im sure you already knew that ;)

I think for some people, certain dates on the calendar stick out and i think January 31st will be one of them for me. It was my first step out of the closet, and hopefully the first of many happy steps. The 2nd went well enough about a month ago but the time between them was awfully long. 11 months.

It'll be interesting to see how long the next one will be, not that im gonna set out to try and better the record or anything haha


Rowan <3

TwEnTy 10...

I suppose this is like a review for those who can be interested enough to read. I suppose im writing it more for myself (although your comments are still very welcome) but how can i not review and reflect over such an eventful year?


Im looking back at the review i wrote last year and some of my premonitions were right. I looked ahead to the next decade last year instead of just this year, "This decade, i will be sitting important exams (as well as this year, in fact.) I will be getting a job, possibly a career. Friends will more than likely come and go."

1. I have indeed sat important exams and thankfully done well in them
2. I don't currently have a job, or a career obviously. That one is more long term.
3. Now how about that? Well, i guess by this time last year i was already getting sick of Steven but never would i have foreseen September's events!

And here's the biggy... "And perhaps most importantly, it will be the decade in which i finally take the step out of this small and dark closet and come out myself to my friends and family."

Never in a million year would i have thought that (part of) it would have happened this year. Hence why i said decade and not year. I honestly never planned to have any friends or family know for at least another few years and that is the truth.

But it all started in January (Sunday, 31st, 3:55pm) when i came out to my cousin, Lauren.
Thankfully, she took it all so well and even now has her own blog amongst us which is definetely one of my highlights for this year.

February/March/April continued the feel good trend. I met a lot of online friends. 3 in particulary. Ummm... (dunno what to call him)... JJ... and also David and DJ.

Thinking about it, the first 4 months of this year were the best. Things were the smoothest then.


May was where it started to get rocky with the exams. Lots of stress and work but i got through it ok and i was rewarded, i guess, with June: a very good month. Birthday, beginning of summer, a family get together in the scorching summer heat of London. Another highlight i'd say, partly because it was great to see family and it was the first time id met anyone, in the flesh, that knew i was gay - Lauren, of course.
The whole event was only marred by the stupid and immature actions of a certain other cousin but never mind.


July was mainly good but the tail end was horrible. First of the month, i jetted off to Lanzarote with my mum and sister and had a great time. Came back to London for a few days and it was the last time i ever saw Grandma Knitter, who left me with "Have a good life" ... :'(

Anyhoo, end of the month. JJ was revealed for who he was... Richard. Im not going into it coz i think we all know the story but from then on and into August/September, i disconnected myself from this blogging world, the friends i had met and honestly, my home life. The whole thing left me quite fucked to put it nicely. Not even my exam results made me feel particulary good.
Mum had a long chat with me about August, too, and i almost came out to her there but i couldnt...


I was only revived by the thoughts of going to see Muse at Wembley and hopefully ending my friendship with Steven, both of which were a success. Muse was another definite highlight of my year, id say my life in fact. I will remember September 11th for the rest of my life which is something not many can say in a positive light.

Not a week later, The Pope decided to pop on over to Britain for a visit and change my social group, something i guess i should thank him for. Dunno how i would have pulled it off without his interference :P
But it was a good thing, i now socialise with people with people who's views and opinions are the same as mine, or at least, more similar.


November/December was really been me settling into this group of friends, something that has went quite well. I've got two bi friends which is epic. And hey, at this stage, gay could also mean bi... I would never come out as gay in school so why would they ever? Bi is the safer bet so they could be gay for all i know.


December was quite literally surreal. First of all, the very sad passing of Grandma Knitter, which actually was November, same night as Biffy Clyro but the funeral was in December. Queue my third trip of the year to London. It was, mostly, a very sad occasion but at least i still got to see some family while i was there, with whom, we celebrated the life of a very special person.


And of course, to round off... December 25th...

I still can't get over it. It's still strange being out to my mum and i expect thats the way it will be for a while. If you want the honest truth from me, im gonna say it, id have prefered my mum not to know for, at the very least, another year. I truly think i wasnt ready to be in this situation but here i am... openly gay to my mum.

Even typing that is so odd. If you had said to me, this time last year, that id be out to my mum i would have told you to take a run and jump. Prizes go to that for the most unexpected event of my year, again, perhaps of my life. But this is a much bigger thing than a concert or (no disresepect) metting online friends. What happened a few days ago will affect the rest of my life and the thought of that is mind-blowing.

As i said, at the moment, its still weird. Im not used to it. Nothing more has been said but honestly, i feel kinda awkward being alone with my mum in the same room. I dont really know how she's taken it. I guess it wasn't so much of a surprise but now she knows... she's probably done a lot of personal thinking about it too, as have i.


As always, with an end of year review we must look ahead to next year. Id prefer not to if this year is anything to go by. Yes, ive mentioned a lot of positives and amazing events but there have been some extreme lows and i really dont want to experience them again but there's nothing i, or anyone else, can do about it. Bad times will keep on occuring when they are unwanted...

And everyone here, if you werent here with me through these lows, i dont want to imagine where id be or what kind of state i would be in without all your help, advice and wisdom. I would certainly have struggled a lot more than i did at points so my endless thanks to each and every one of you here who has ever commented. You are very important people to me and i sincerely hope that remains so.


Well, i guess its goodbye to 2010 and into 2011 we go...

*takes deep breath*





Rowan <3

Holiday Part 2 - Family Reunion

Take heed, this is another long post :P


-------------------------------------------------------


Previous day revisited :

• Arrived in London
• Met some family
• Went to Thorpe Park
• Went to pub/restaraunt for dinner
• Lauren and her parents arrived
  
  
   Let's continue............

My cousin's 21st didn't actually begin until 4pm on what was Saturday 26th June so everyone staying at the hotel actually had quite a full day to themselves.

Me, well I went into the nearest, what you would call, town with my mum and my French aunt. I wanted to get some shorts, the longer kind with a sort of floral pattern on them because i think they look really good :D

(like these but it red) - lol, it says they're swimming shorts but they aren't :P

While i was there i also purchased The Beatles Rock Band, good times.

On our return, the mood at the hotel was quite frantic, what with about 15+ people getting ready to go out.

I just hopped in the shower, got changed and got away as soon as i could. Avoid hassle :P

My brother and I both sat in the lobby and slowly everyone came pouring down and we even had a game of cards there lol

But off we set to our cousin's house for the party. 3 cars full of us, another branch of cousins and one uncle had also arrived by this time so i think there were about 20 of us in total.

It was quite hilarious all parking up the street and gingerly creeping down the side path of the house (remember this was supposed to be a surprise) but it was kinda for nothing cause when we burst through the gate our cousin went, "I thought so!"

*facepalm*

The only people she didn't expect to see were our aunt and uncle from across the pond.

Anyhoo, after that failure, many pictures were taken, many things were chatted about, many drinks were drunk, many games of Monkey and Chinese Whispers were played and there was general all-round fun. It was really enjoyable.

Mum even let me have 2 beers. Generous.

... but i snuck a 3rd O__O

The festivites must have lasted until at least midnight i think and we finally said our goodbyes (although we would be returning the next day.)

I was quite annoyed coz the whole family was there and we didn't get a picture of all of us :/

(some folk were too drunk anyway so maybe tht was actually a smart move lol)

Now, you don't normally describe a take-away as funny but this is exactly what it was. We parked up outside and i was sitting next to Lauren in the backseat. I had been waiting for a moment to give her 3 cds and this seemed like the right time to do it, so i did ^__^

If you're curious, the cds were Black Holes and Revelations by Muse, a live album called HAARP, also by Muse and Puzzle by Biffy Clyro.

She seemed to like them so i was really pleased with that :)

But the funny part was my uncle went to take a picture of the front shop of the take away when a drunk guy stumbled out of it. He must have thought my uncle was taking a picture of him coz he came right up to the car and stared directly into it lmao

We were like "wut?"

And then he staggered off like nothing had happened. We were quite creeped out but at the same time it was hilarious.

Ahhhhh

We went back to the hotel, ate our meals while playing our favourite card game - Monkey - then hit the hay. This was the point that our French cousin, who i will also call TCWSTT(the cousin who sent the text)... sent the text to Lauren. I didn't know about this however, so i slept like a log.

Next Day

... we returned to our cousin's house and we watched England vs Germany lol

I will say one thing - oh dear

It was quite fun though. Unfortunately Lauren had to leave at half time and we still hadn't taken a decent picture for all you folks here!

So we're all "When should we take it? Where should we take it? How should we take it?" etc. etc.

Then we eventually asked TCWSTT to take one of us and one of my Muse necklace which Lauren bought for me.

Here it is :

I breathed a sigh of relief after we took it, coz to be honest, i thought we weren't going to end up getting anything.

Speaking of which, even after it was taken we still almost didn't get anything.

While the football was still on, TCWSTT was flicking through Lauren's camera. I didn't think anything of it, and i didn't know at the time that she had deleted the pictures we took. Why would i be suspicious of someone i love and trust to do such a thing?

I didn't find out till later of course, after Lauren left and i was quite sad when she did leave, i really enjoyed being with her.

But my state of mind was not to improve. Must have been about 7/8pm when i jumped on my ipod and found everything out.

It was quite an ordeal. I got really upset and locked myself in a bathroom, navigating my way (via ipod touch) through the mess which TCWSTT created.

The fact that TCWSTT was still around certainly didn't make things any easier. I couldn't bring myself to look at her or speak to her and i'm sure she clearly noticed this but i couldn't have cared less at the time. I just didn't want to be near her. I feigned illness and being cold for my lack of interaction.

We went back to the hotel for one last night and my brother and I got a cooler, different room coz my American aunt and uncle went home. It was good timing, i needed a less stuffy room, i needed to get some sleep and i knew that wouldn't be achieved sharing a room with 4 other people.

So, in more relaxing conditions i did get some sleep, not much though coz there was still too much swimming around my head for that.

-------------------------------------------------------

Of course, as you can see we did get the picture back (thanks to David for helping with that) but unfortunately we couldn't save the other two that were taken and they are now gone forever :/

My feelings about TCWSTT are very mixed, even now, 3 weeks after it happened.

I simply can't believe that a family member would betray their own family like that.

My mum did eventually find out what happened and she told me it was obvious to her that TCWSTT was jealous right from the off.

Yes, unbelievable though it may sound, she was jealous of the fact that i was spending time with a member of my own family.

So that provides a perfectly reasonable explanation for deleting the photos doesn't it?

The hell it does.

The saying goes, "forgive and forget."

I might be able to forgive... in time. I will never forget.

Next post will be in a few days.

Hugs,

Rowan

P.S Thanks for all the comments i got on my last post. It's actually the most i have received on a single post - 18. Cheers.

Holiday Part 1 - Travelling to (and being in) London

3 weeks tomorrow is the day that my holiday started. That would be Thursday 24th June.

I'm not going to do a post covering each day coz then that would be about 18 posts lol. I will post a few days into one post, so some might be lengthy and some might not.

This post covers the first few days.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Day 1

I don't remember a great amount of detail about everything as this was almost three weeks ago now but travelling to Liverpool was really nothing amazing. We got in the car just after lunch and not long after we were there. That's it lol.

We planned to visit the Liverpool FC store when we got there but it was closed and i wasn't too happy about that :P

As everyone one of us were tired, an early meal was in order but it wasn't just any meal (well, i suppose it was) but there is a pizza place in Liverpool that my family *always* go to when we are there coz the pizza is simply amazing!

So we took our pizza back to our hotel (i say hotel, it was a basic Travelodge...) and we ate while watching some World Cup game on the tv, i've forgotten which.

Bed followed not long after.

Day 2

Early start on Friday morning... 4am.

Why so early?

2 reasons. We wanted to avoid traffic as much as possible and we were going to Thorpe Park (an amusement park which opens at about 9am)

Groggily, all 5 of us piled into the car and off we set. I don't normally sleep well in travelling vehicles of any sort but i got a little doze on the way to London :)

As early as it was appropriate, i text Lauren to tell her we were on our way :) (she would be arriving later that night)

I also got some glorious 20 minutes of wi-fi at a Starbucks when we stopped for a while.

Anyhoo, we got into London at about 8/9am and were greeted by our cousins who live in France, along with their parents and my aunt and uncle who live in California.

So, hugs and handshake all round lol

We checked in to our room etc but we didn't dilly-dally, we headed straight for Thorpe Park - 9 of us in total went ; 2 of my uncles, myself, my brother and sister, my dad and (what we call our cousins who live in France) The Frogs -  not that it mattered tho, the queue was still about an hour long. We didn't get in till about 11am...

Now. I ask the question, is it better to go on a big water ride at the start or at the end of the day?

I ask coz the water ride was the very first thing we done and my hair got destroyed!

My lovely straightened hair was a curly mess for the whole day :'(

Ho hum, i didn't actually care that much, just would have preferred to go on it at the end.

Right, i'm not a huge fan of crazy, scary, make-you-shit-yourself rides but i was dragged on this contraption called Stealth.

Yeh...

Little did i know it was Europe's fastest rollercoaster (0-80mph in 2 seconds) or that the queue was an hour long for a 10 second ride.

Anyway, needless to say, i was a nervous wreck for about an hour and my bladder almost killed me but that's another story.

I got the ol' butterflies in the stomach just before it was our turn to go on but when it was i just got on like any other ride. We took our seats, i was beside my Froggy uncle and a few seconds later... PHWOOSH!

... and 20 seconds later i was standing up again.

Here's a better idea for you :D

That's me screaming btw ;)

After that, we just kinda did a tour of the park, went on a bunch of other stuff and had a wonderful time.

Had a quick shower, tidy up etc. when we got back to the hotel and then everyone went to this pub/restaraunt in the evening.

I wasn't very hungry coz i knew that Lauren would arrive when we were there, it was just a matter of time. Every car that pulled into the pub i was like "Is it her!?" lol, even thought i had no idea what the car looked like :P

Must have been there for a good hour or so before Lauren and her parents did arrive and there were more hugs and handshakes when they did.

This was followed by general chit-chat and MONSTER desert!

They did not get finished...

Not long after, we left, we got the bum's rush. J/k.

I got in a car with Lauren, a French cousin of mine (who is known as "TCWSTT" on here) and Lauren's dad, who drove of course.

Biffy Clyro's "Only Revolutions" was in the cd player and so there it went. A bit of "singing" commenced and that was quite funny. There's also this thing in my uncle's car where you can connect your phone to the dashboard through bluetooth. We did, and the dashboard says the name of the person you are trying to call in my uncle's voice. So he called Lauren's mobile and he has her listed under "L Mob" and then you just here this thing from the dashboard blurt out "ELLLL MOBBBB!!!"

It's one of those "you have to be there" moments i suppose but i'm sure Lauren will know what i'm talking about.

Anyhoo, nothing much else happened worth speaking about. We returned to the hotel and went to our separate rooms (which, btw were waaaay too warm) and i had to share a bed with my brother. Why my mum didn't book two separate rooms, i'll never know but there you go.

Regardless of the warmth in the rooms, i fell asleep fairly quick, it was a long day and i knew i needed some decent slumber for meeting the rest of my family and the birthday party the next day.

--------------------------------------------------------------

It's a good thing i have all this to talk about or i probably wouldn't have much else interesting to say lol.

Erm... i got a new mini-fridge...?

Oh, actually there is someone i need to say thank you to. One who goes by the name of Chris Bright. I haven't seen you around here in months Chris but what you sent me at Christmas, i put into use yesterday and well... thanks a lot :)

Just remembered something else actually lol

The poll. Queen won with 53% of the votes. Other came in 2nd. Muse 3rd. Rage 4th. Wolfmother 5th. And Kasabian were last with no votes :(

Poor Kasabian. I'll just say one thing. I watched the highlights of their show at T in the Park and they were epic, so there! *blows raspberry*

Anyway, i thought Queen would win, so now i am going to do another poll :D

"What is your favourite Queen album?"

I'm going to leave this up till next Friday evening and you can select multiple albums if you like. (but don't be a tool and select all of them, just 2 or 3 will do)

Let's hope this one goes well, personally, my vote goes to "A Day at the Races"

What's yours?

Hugs,

Rowan

This is one of the songs that Lauren and I "sang" along to :P

June is Here, Yes!

This is going to be quite some month if all goes the way it should, particularly the end of the month which i will have to wait for unfortunately but it will be all worth it when the time comes.

The only bad thing about this month is the Spanish exam on Friday but it shouldn't be any hassle at all.
I'm back to school on Monday, which doesn't really bother me, i want to get back talking to people and friends again, it can feel rather isolated during the holidays sometimes. Also, when i return i will be in different classes so i will have a whole new timetable etc. so i look forward to finding all that out. I only have three weeks of that tho, coz this month also sees the end of the school year! Yay!

Anyhoo, then end of the month (plus a few family members birthdays in between) is what really shapes this month.
One of my cousin's is going to be 21 this month and the weekend on or after her birthday, me and the rest of my family will be travelling to London to surprise her. At first, it only was going to be us, but now it looks like it is going to be a massive family reunion :D
Lauren and her parents are going (well i hope both parents :P), my cousins who live in France and their parents will be going, other cousins in London will be there too, and lastly, my aunt and uncle who live in California are making their way across the pond to visit us. We only just received that news a few days ago so it really has turned into a big get-together and i seriously can't wait!

I remember one of my other cousin's 21st, or maybe 18th birthday that we also went to London for (a surprise again) and that was great, albeit a few years ago now and wasn't as big as this one looks to be. I got some beer too, so if that was a few years ago....*shifty*....maybe there will be more this time!
J/k

So the end of the month is what i view as like a big reward for these crappy past couple of months (in terms of school, that is). All aunts, uncles and cousins are set to be there and the last big reunion was March 2007, so it's been a long time, and also, from what i remember, the first reunion that doesn't involve the death of somebody....the last two were when my gran passed away then grandad.
I'm not a big believer in heaven and all that but i still think that when the dead move on they are watching over us in a way, so i am sure gran and grandad would be really happy to see everyone get together and have a fantastic time.

Also, this month has already got off to a good start and it's only 12 hours new. On Rhyn's blog, his most recent post was about him finding some pictures he came across at an anime convention he was was recently at. He got pictures for a few different people and i am lucky enough to be one of those and just there is the one he got me which i really like, so i thought i would share it on here too.

I really like it and i think it was really thoughful so i just want to say thanks to Rhyn and that i will print it off for now, maybe one day i can get my hands on the original copy, that would be great.


Hope you all have a great June!


Hugs,
Rowan





Queen <3

My Cousin Has a Blog!

Yeh, great news!

Back when L posted her reaction to me coming out to her (which i copied onto here) she was on Wordpress so i didn't know whether to link her or what not.
But recently we have discussed things and she has decided to move onto Blogger :D

Also, formerly knowsn as "L", it is now Lauren.

Yeh, obviosuly Lauren is a girl lol, but hopefully that wont change anything, after all, i'm sure she will talk about boys too lol.

So, please, for me, but more so for Lauren, pop in and say hi, leave a comment, follow, do what you like, i'm sure it will be appreciated. Won't take much time or effort either.

And here's the page : http://lifeof-lauren.blogspot.com/
I've put it in my blog list too.


Cheers,
Rowan




But, of course, it will be more than just for the day :P