TwEnTy 10...

I suppose this is like a review for those who can be interested enough to read. I suppose im writing it more for myself (although your comments are still very welcome) but how can i not review and reflect over such an eventful year?


Im looking back at the review i wrote last year and some of my premonitions were right. I looked ahead to the next decade last year instead of just this year, "This decade, i will be sitting important exams (as well as this year, in fact.) I will be getting a job, possibly a career. Friends will more than likely come and go."

1. I have indeed sat important exams and thankfully done well in them
2. I don't currently have a job, or a career obviously. That one is more long term.
3. Now how about that? Well, i guess by this time last year i was already getting sick of Steven but never would i have foreseen September's events!

And here's the biggy... "And perhaps most importantly, it will be the decade in which i finally take the step out of this small and dark closet and come out myself to my friends and family."

Never in a million year would i have thought that (part of) it would have happened this year. Hence why i said decade and not year. I honestly never planned to have any friends or family know for at least another few years and that is the truth.

But it all started in January (Sunday, 31st, 3:55pm) when i came out to my cousin, Lauren.
Thankfully, she took it all so well and even now has her own blog amongst us which is definetely one of my highlights for this year.

February/March/April continued the feel good trend. I met a lot of online friends. 3 in particulary. Ummm... (dunno what to call him)... JJ... and also David and DJ.

Thinking about it, the first 4 months of this year were the best. Things were the smoothest then.


May was where it started to get rocky with the exams. Lots of stress and work but i got through it ok and i was rewarded, i guess, with June: a very good month. Birthday, beginning of summer, a family get together in the scorching summer heat of London. Another highlight i'd say, partly because it was great to see family and it was the first time id met anyone, in the flesh, that knew i was gay - Lauren, of course.
The whole event was only marred by the stupid and immature actions of a certain other cousin but never mind.


July was mainly good but the tail end was horrible. First of the month, i jetted off to Lanzarote with my mum and sister and had a great time. Came back to London for a few days and it was the last time i ever saw Grandma Knitter, who left me with "Have a good life" ... :'(

Anyhoo, end of the month. JJ was revealed for who he was... Richard. Im not going into it coz i think we all know the story but from then on and into August/September, i disconnected myself from this blogging world, the friends i had met and honestly, my home life. The whole thing left me quite fucked to put it nicely. Not even my exam results made me feel particulary good.
Mum had a long chat with me about August, too, and i almost came out to her there but i couldnt...


I was only revived by the thoughts of going to see Muse at Wembley and hopefully ending my friendship with Steven, both of which were a success. Muse was another definite highlight of my year, id say my life in fact. I will remember September 11th for the rest of my life which is something not many can say in a positive light.

Not a week later, The Pope decided to pop on over to Britain for a visit and change my social group, something i guess i should thank him for. Dunno how i would have pulled it off without his interference :P
But it was a good thing, i now socialise with people with people who's views and opinions are the same as mine, or at least, more similar.


November/December was really been me settling into this group of friends, something that has went quite well. I've got two bi friends which is epic. And hey, at this stage, gay could also mean bi... I would never come out as gay in school so why would they ever? Bi is the safer bet so they could be gay for all i know.


December was quite literally surreal. First of all, the very sad passing of Grandma Knitter, which actually was November, same night as Biffy Clyro but the funeral was in December. Queue my third trip of the year to London. It was, mostly, a very sad occasion but at least i still got to see some family while i was there, with whom, we celebrated the life of a very special person.


And of course, to round off... December 25th...

I still can't get over it. It's still strange being out to my mum and i expect thats the way it will be for a while. If you want the honest truth from me, im gonna say it, id have prefered my mum not to know for, at the very least, another year. I truly think i wasnt ready to be in this situation but here i am... openly gay to my mum.

Even typing that is so odd. If you had said to me, this time last year, that id be out to my mum i would have told you to take a run and jump. Prizes go to that for the most unexpected event of my year, again, perhaps of my life. But this is a much bigger thing than a concert or (no disresepect) metting online friends. What happened a few days ago will affect the rest of my life and the thought of that is mind-blowing.

As i said, at the moment, its still weird. Im not used to it. Nothing more has been said but honestly, i feel kinda awkward being alone with my mum in the same room. I dont really know how she's taken it. I guess it wasn't so much of a surprise but now she knows... she's probably done a lot of personal thinking about it too, as have i.


As always, with an end of year review we must look ahead to next year. Id prefer not to if this year is anything to go by. Yes, ive mentioned a lot of positives and amazing events but there have been some extreme lows and i really dont want to experience them again but there's nothing i, or anyone else, can do about it. Bad times will keep on occuring when they are unwanted...

And everyone here, if you werent here with me through these lows, i dont want to imagine where id be or what kind of state i would be in without all your help, advice and wisdom. I would certainly have struggled a lot more than i did at points so my endless thanks to each and every one of you here who has ever commented. You are very important people to me and i sincerely hope that remains so.


Well, i guess its goodbye to 2010 and into 2011 we go...

*takes deep breath*





Rowan <3

JJ & DJ

Well, bugger me, it sure has been dramatic round here recently hasn't it?


...and not for the best either.


As I'm sure you are aware, JJ's blog has magically disappeared into the middle of the night for real this time (I remember posting about JJ threatning to close his blog before) and DJ has also closed his.

Now, I'm certain I speak for all of us when I say I am saddened by this twist of events but that's just one of the many things I feel right now.

You see, I don't receive many emails outwith notifications for blog comments but I seem to be the first port of call for many when something happens to JJ but now also DJ.

Fair enough, I say, naturally concerned and it's nice to see. However I've received numerous emails as of late asking what is going, if I know what is going, if the world is coming to an end...

It's not that I don't want to reply to each email individually but I feel it would just be easier to make a big post.


So what can I tell you?


Well, JJ has not been in contact with me for a few days so I don't know anything definite. It would appear to me that he is gone but for all I know he could show back up in comments or something.
However, my gut tells me he won't and I truthfully don't see his blog returning.
I've also not tried to contact him and truth be told, I don't really want to try either, I don't feel as if I would get a reply back.

As for DJ, well I have been in contact with him. He is ok. He is quite shaken up by everything though and that is probably why he has closed his blog. He didn't like the way things were going, so to stop that he closed his blog.
Who can argue with that?

Also, creepy comments were not a factor in why DJ left. Above is why he left.

DJ may return one day, that is his own decision but for the forseeable future he won't be around I don't think.


I don't really know what else to say, my head is swimming due to the ongoing events. I don't know all the answers and I don't see the answers being uncovered but if there's anything you can think of asking me or anything else you desparately want to know then ask in a comment and I will try to reply back in the comments section. So, subscribe to the comments bit.


Hugs,
Rowan


P.S I'm glad Billy Connolly seemed to go down quite well :)

P.P.S News of the World won the Queen album vote so my next poll will be "What is your favourite track off News of the World"

I can't really say I have a favourite but here is Spread Your Wings

Not a Holiday Post, Thought I Would Share Some Stuff...

Be warned, this is quite a long post but i think it is of particular interest so i would be really pleased if you read it all. You don't have to of course tho, upto you :P


The first thing i want to share is this picture that David got drawn of myself, DJ and JJ.

He asked an artist in California to do it and i remember hearing about it a while ago and i forgot about it until i seen it not a few mins ago on JJ's page, so that was a nice surprise :)

Anyway, here it is :

JJ is the one closest, sitting on the rocks overlooking me and DJ in the water. I also appear to be chasing him :P

I think it's a really lovely picture and i want to say thank you to David :)

Maybe, one day (hopefully) the picture could become reality...

The next thing i want to share is unfortunately not as pleasant as the picture above.

This is something i saw someone posting about on a social network site i am on. I am friends with the person who posted this certain item, don't worry tho, she was condeming it.

It concerns a group of people called C.H.O.P.S

... *ahem*

Changing HomoSexuals to Ordinary People

:/

Maybe the best thing to do would be ignore this and things like it but i just couldn't because i actually found it quite laughable.

http://www.lovegodsway.org/

It's pathetic. Reading it wasn't nice but then there is this section on it called "Gay Bands" that parents must look out for to see if their kids are watching and i was laughing my ass off reading it. Here's the list of "Gay Bands" :

(oh btw, if over 3 of these bands are on your itunes etc. then you must seek help =P)

•Ween
•Lil'Wayne
•P!nK
•The Black Keys
•Coldplay - 1
•SlipKnot (wtf?) - 2
•RadioHead - 3 (oh no im screwed :O)
•Michael Jackson - 4
•Boredoms
•School of Seven Bells
•Jason Mraz
•Jonas Brothers
•Rilo Kiley
•Death Cab for Cutie
•Sarah McLachlan
•George Strait
•Cold War Kids
•Toby Keith
•P-Diddy
•Black People
•Vampire Weekend
•King Crimson
•Kate Bush
•Bob Dylan (wtf?) - 5
•Fleet Foxes
•Sigur Ros
•Twisted Sister
•The Spores
•Scissor Sisters (lol) - 6
•Turbonegro
•Rufus Wainwright
•Merzbau
•Ravi Shankar
•The Butchies
•Wilco
•Bjork
•Tech N9ne
•Ghostface Killah
•Bobby Conn
•Morton Subotnik
•Cole Porter
•The String Cheese Incident
•Eagles of Death Metal
•Polyphonic Spree
•The Faint
•Interpol - 7
•Twisted Sister
•Tegan and Sara
•Erasure
•The Grateful Dead
•Le Tigre
•Marilyn Manson (wtf?)
•The Gossip - 8
•The Magnetic Fields
•The Doors (WTF?) - 9
•Phish
•Queen (lulz) - 10
•The Strokes - 11
•Morrissey (huh?)
•Metallica (Seriously wtf?) - 12
•Judas Priest
•The Village People
•The Secret Handshake
•The Rolling Stones (come on now) - 13
•David Bowie - 14
•Frankie Goes to Hollywood - 15
•Man or Astroman
•Richard Cheese
•Jay-Z (is this really serious?)
•Depeche Mode - 16
•Kansas
•Ani DiFranco
•Fischerspooner
•John Mayer
•George Michael
•Angel Eyes
•Velvet Underground
•Madonna
•Elton John ( =P) - 17
•Barry Manilow
•Indigo Girls
•Melissa Etheridge
•Eminmen
•Nirvana (gtfo) - 18
•Boy George
•Jon Brion
•The Killers (*facepalm*) - 19
•Lou Reed - 20
•Lil' Wayne
•Motorhead (what?) - 21
•Jill Sobule
•Wilson Phillips
•DMX
•Wesley Willis
•Lisa Loeb
•Ted Nugent
•Dogstar
•Thirty Seconds to Mars
•Lil' Kim
•kd lang
•Frank Sinatra
•Hinder
•Nickleback - 22
•Justus Kohncke
•Bob Mould
•Clay Aiken
•Arcade Fire
•Bright Eyes
•Corinne Bailey Rae
•Audioslave
•Red Hot Chili Peppers - 23
•Panic at the Disco
•The Cure
•Spin Doctors
•The Deers
•Lindsey Lohan
•The Smiths
•Beck
•Tom Waits
•The Cramps
•Cannibal Corpse (this is a piss-take)
•Britney Spears
•Perfect Sin
•The Queers
•NoFx
•Soup Dragons
•Elton John (yeah, you already mentioned him)
 
 
I have 23 of them! There's no redemption for me!
 
But seriously, i couldn't not laugh at that inane drivel. I mean, Slipknot, Cannibal Corpse, Red Hot Chilli Peppers?
 
Queen, Scissor Sister and The Village People are understandable but honestly... come on!
 
I'm actually worried for those people and their questionable sanity. Their website suggests to me they have a bordeline personality disorder for crying out loud!
 
There's other mindless crap on their if you can bothered trawling through it. It's not a fun read but funny to see how... paranoid (?) some people are.
 
 
The worst thing about that was that i heard about it when i as at Steven's house last night. Yes, i went to his house and stayed last night...
 
I would have preferred not to, but i suppose i have to humour him. He has my Muse ticket and future iPhone after all :/
 
So yeh, i heard about CHOPS when i was on Steven's iPad *hides from David*. There wasn't much i could do, i just ignored it (as i did with Steven and his dad's usual prejudice comments) But it was fine after his dad went to bed, we both watched Kill Bill Vol.2, which btw is so epic! Then we watched The Punisher : War Zone.
 
Quite funny watching some Tarantino genius then some pointless gore-fest right after it.
 
Anyway, there is something else particularly significant i have to mention.
 
We headed to bed after the films and just lay talking etc. before actually going to sleep. You see, we were playing football with some friends before i even arrived at Steven's house so we were discussing that and the people who were there. Alan was there. This question came up from Steven :
 
"Do you think Alan is gay?"
 
(For those of you who don't remember, i have, for a while, wondered if one of my friends, Alan, is gay and also, i erm... quite have a crush on him =P)
 
After hearing the question, i froze.
 
"How?" i stammered
 
"I just think he might be"
 
"Why?"
 
"Well, he never talks about fit girls or anything, y'know?" then he went on to give examples.
 
But holy crap, i'm not the only person who thinks Alan might be gay :O
 
I dunno where to go from here. I actually wanted to discuss it more with Steven but i decided not to chance my luck.
 
I did chance my luck when the subject of Brighton arose, coz Steven has family near there we got talking about it.
 
I was looking on Google Maps and i went "Heh, there's Kemptown, aka Camptown"
 
Steven's dad : "Oh yeh, bloody Gay Pride Parade goes right through there"
 
Me : "No actually, it goes through Queen's Park" ... (fuck)
 
They both looked at me and i explained that i only knew coz my cousin lived in Brighton, which then brought more looks from them... "No, she has a boyfriend" i told them.
 
Then Steven said this, which was quite surprising "I don't care about bloody gays, just keep them the hell away from me... I don't mind Alan Carr but i hate how he acts, y'know?"
 
"The camp factor?"
 
"Yeh..."
 
That says to me that Steven simply dislikes the gay stereotype, which his dad has clearly forced him into thinking that all gay people are like that.
 
Ugh, stereotypes.
 
 
Anyhoo, i'll leave it there coz i know i've wrote a lot and it's probably a lot to digest. Congratulations if you made it this far! You get a hug for reading to this point :D
 
*hug for you*
 
Rowan
 
 
(P.S get more votes in on my Queen poll!!!)

Yes Rhyn, So Ends an Era....

*sigh*

JJ has had to delete his blog unfortunately.

The past three months have had their ups and downs and his blog has definetely touched us all, so much has happened in such short time.

Now it's gone.

....don't really know what to say, it's a blow for all of us.

For JJ coz it brought him so much happiness and was a place where he could write whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. It was an outlet.

Now it's gone.

For all the readers, young and old, it was enjoyed by everyone and was a rollercoaster ride to say the least. The blog helped everyone and gave us an insight into three months of JJ's life. I have no doubt many more people read it who didn't comment, maybe they were young and scared and reading the blog helped them out.

Now it's gone.

For me coz i encouraged JJ to start the blog and i thought it would be a good idea. I suggested it because of all the postings on RB he made (i'm sure Tristan didn't mind) and i just knew that what he wrote would make an interesting blog, it did and also be helpful for JJ at the same time.
Perhaps encouraging JJ to start a blog wasn't the best idea, maybe it was, i see two sides to the argument but either way i am still quite upset.
I just feel, now that the blog is gone, that it was bad advice on my part to suggest starting a blog and that's really bugging me, so is the fact that i think the blog should have at least remained open. However, it's not important now, it is irrelevant.

Now it's gone.




Missing you and your blog already JJ :'(

Congratulations JJ and Mike!

Everyone go to JJ's blog right now and congratulate him, i demand you do! - http://3jhome.blogspot.com/
He and Mike are out to JJ's parents!


Perhaps not in the way they would have liked but they are still out and i couldnt be happier for them coz his parents took it well.


Guys, well done, congratulations, can only hope my parents are as good as yours when i tell them....or am outed.


Love,
Rowan

Suppose the song i posted earlier is still relevant so imma re-post it.
For JJ and Mike.



You'll Never Walk Alone guys :)

Boring Week

Yeh, hence the lack of posts this week :P

Pretty uneventful to say the least so i've tried to let things build up to make a bigger post so here we are.

I did go to the maths supported study on Tuesday and i thought it was pretty useful. Just sat down and did a past paper (old exam paper) and whatever question i got stuck on there was always a teacher on hand to help.
Gonna keep going as much as i can, kinda regret that that was my first one tho and there can't be many left....

Complete contrast the next day tho in Biology.
The teacher was useless, she hardly taught us anything just kinda rushed through stuff, too fast for me to get a grasp of. Alex was there too and he thought the same.
I thought we would be getting the same teacher as the week before, who actually explained stuff, but we didn't.
I'll keep going tho, i need to.
Got in test in biology on Monday too, as well as a few other tests.

It will be crap on Monday. 3 tests.
Maths is the first. It's the "2nd" Prelim.
And it will last three periods of that week.
After that is biology.
Then after biology i will have a media studies exam. Yes, exam. Analysing the front page of a news paper which will count toward 20% of my final grade so i won't even get the mark back until August.
But i will get maths and biology back.....dunno if i want them tho :P


So yeh, i seem to be talking about next week instead of this week, simply coz there isn't a lot worth mentioning.
Well stuff i dont know is worth mentioning but i suppose i will anyway :

I was sitting on my computer last night and my mum came in and said my hair has been looking nice recently :P
(Random, but nice)

Then she said she is going to the hairdressers soon and i should go just to get the ends trimmed and then one day she said she would straighten my hair coz it would look better and be way longer lol.
I just said ok and shrugged.

Then this morning i went and took my shower as usual and my mum did another strange thing.
She told me she got me a packet of razors and some shaving cream :P
It's never something we've talked about much before. I normally just took one out of my dad's packet, used it for me and he never used it.
He must have noticed one was missing and decided to buy me my own.
That was cool.
Just in case you're confused....i never used the same razor as my dad. I took one and kept it in my little "case" in the bathroom. I know not to share a razor coz you can get infections but now there really isn't a chance of that happening.

Also, another...."grown up" thing happened today.
I got my National Insurance card in the post. Now i can legally work :P
They usually don't give them out until you are 16 but i think they're starting to give them out a little earlier now, still 2 and a bit months till my birthday in June.
So yeh, i'm becoming a man now lol

Probably a good amount of time until that fully happens tho. I can have some fun for another few years at least!
(I heard it goes downhill when you become an adult :P)

Oh and while on the subject of birthdays....it happens to be a very special day for a very special someone.
That someone is JJ. XD
Happy birthday JJ!!!

Go say happy birthday if you haven't already :P (link is in the blog roll)


Cheers,
Rowan





Apparently they're singing happy birthday to a BBC show called "Saturday Club" for an anniversary i would assume but let's just pretend it says "to JJ" instead of "to Saturday Club" :P

Prelim Round-Up and Post-Prelim Ponderings

(Title help supplied by Rhyn :P)


So yes, today i got the biology cut-off score back and as expected i didn't pass.
I wasn't too disheartened tho as it was always gonna be the out come but now that i have all my results back i thought i would share them with you guys.

So here they are :

(Highest to lowest)


French - A 91%
Spanish - A 88%
Modern Studies - A 79%
Music - A 74%
English - A 68%

Media - C 58%

Biology - F 48%
Maths - F 40%


So yeh, quite a tale of two stores there.
One good half the other, bad.

But i know i can improve, maths is easier to improve on than biology but i still know i can pass them both.

But overall the results are good.
5 A's
1 C
2 F's


Not much interesting stuff happened today in school.

Did my maths test, think it went ok.

Didn't have to present in English :)

Only real tale comes from biology.
We were dissecting a sheep's lungs and heart. Or rather, the teacher was.
We still seen everything tho and heard.
He had to cut through it and it made this horrificly crunchy noise.
And with 5 minutes until the bell let school out, the fire alarm went off!

News got to me that whatever set it off came from Alex's lab but we never found out.
It was annoying tho, coz i wanted to see what the lungs felt like (call me weird :P)
So i dashed back to class, put a glove on and had a feel.
Quite horrible to be honest, and really cold!


But today, nothing was getting me down, i was in high spirits since last night and that continued on right through today.
Reason for this?

Well....

JJ got me a gift :D

An iTunes card.

He called it a late Valentine's present, therefore making it the best Valentine's gift i have ever received.
Yes, it even beats the guitar.
Also my first Valentine's gift from a guy, hopefully that will help set the trend :P

But, its not just the fact that its an iTunes card, its the fact that he went out his way to get it for me.
Rhyn also went out of his way and got me one as well, thought i would wait till now so i can say a big, public thank you to both of them.

It's strange talking in third person when i know you will read this, JJ and Rhyn :P
But the gifts you got me have made me so happy.
Yes, you might be saying it's only an iTunes card but as i said it's more than that. Never does the expense or the size of the gift count and this is reflected through these iTunes cards.

The smallest things are just a token of caring, warmth and love and it means so much to me coz you have made my past few days extremely happy. And you always do, with or without gifts, i love you both.


And that goes for everyone here too, everybody's comments and emails matter to me greatly and i love them and i love all you guys, thank you so much for just being here for me. It means a lot.


Love,
Rowan

So Very Sleepy.....

So today was a very drowsy day, i woke up at 4am for some reason....

I have no idea why, i tried to get back to sleep but it just wasn't happening for me so i decided to leave sleeping and i just messed around with the internet on my ipod touch for a few hours.

I should have been all up and ready to get in the shower early but somehow my brother nicks in just before me!
He never has a shower in the morning, always at night.

So i had to wait for him to finish, have a rushed shower, grab a nutri-grain bar and hurry to the bus.
Not a great start to the day but at least i caught the bus.

Things didn't get a whole lot better, i struggled my way through most of my lessons and i swear i fell asleep during 2nd period.

At least chatting with some friends at break livened me up a little. Only a temporary bosst, mind.
Alex offered to let me borrow a Scissor Sisters album that he bought for his mum ages ago so i said that would be cool. Steven called me a faggot :(


So, i continued to amble my way through the day, not even music class woke me up.
Biology kinda did tho somehow, the teacher was in a good mood and it was a generally fun period, although there was still no news of a pass mark for the prelim.

That was last period so i staggered to the bus, got home and fell asleep almost immediately when i did.
I was only awakened about an hour ago by my mum.
Been doing homework since then coz i got loads today.
I was doing French, for this particular piece i had to use the computer for research so i was just doing my work on my bed, something my mum gets really irratable at coz she complains about me not using my desk.

Then it quite turned into an argument "Why aren't you at your desk? Surely, you can't concentrate with the music on"

I tried to explain to her but it just wasn't getting through.
Then she starts interrogating me about why i fell asleep when i came in.
I slept bad i told her, but she seems to think i sit on the computer until about 2 in the morning, which i do not.

I normally have everything in my room off by 11pm at the latest.


But anyway she stormed out the room obviously not buying what i said.

I just want to finish my homework and go to bed. Got that maths test tomorrow so i need to be in tjhe right frame of mind for that.


One bit of good news tho.
JJ handled his bully situation rather well.
It did involve fighting although i had a feeling it would anyway.
He got detention but at least he didn't get hurt and hopefully those cowards won't say anything about JJ or Mike.
I'm proud of JJ i must say.
He handled the situation well. He tried to sort it with words but the bully obviosuly wanted his ass kicked :P

Happy that's been put to bed now :)


Anyway i must scoot and finish my homework, perhaps jump on msn for a little.

Oh and tomorrow marks a very important day for me, but i will post about it tomorrow :D


Cheers,
Rowan

Today's Activites

It turns out i was wrong about the whole situation with D and his brother.

Nothing happened.

So i was right in a way.
It was all just macho bullcrap.

D and his brother both get on the same bus as me but they never said anything on the way to school so i had a feeling nothing was going to happen.

It actually turns out that Steven got a hold of D's number and sent him a text saying he was sorry.

There you go then, situation resolved.


What else happened today?

No biology pass mark received yet, although i still doubt it will be as low as 48%.
Still, i live in hope.


I got my times and dates for my final music perfoming exam.

Bass guitar is first. It is at 11:50am next Thursday.
Guitar is second. It is two weeks after that. 18th March 10:15am.


I was quite surprised that they were this soon.
I thought they would be in along with the rest of the exams in about April/May.

It's not that it's a problem.
I know my bass pieces fairly well. Same ones as i did for the prelim back in October.
Changed the guitar ones about a little tho, but at least for the exam i can use an electric, which i think might have been a downfall in the prelim as i didnt get to use one.
So hammer-ons and pull-offs etc didn't sound right.
I can also use one of my stomp boxes for the final exam if i really want to show off, so i'm pretty sure the exam will go quite well.
I'm confident about it even though its about a month away!

No room for complacency tho!


Got a Media exam coming up next month as well.
It's worth 20% of our final grade and it's on analysing the front page of a tablopid newspaper which i dont find too difficult.
But imagine!
I get full marks in this, then get a similar score to what i got in my prelim and thats an A!!!

Thats seriosuly cool.
And seriously important i do well in it.


The math tests i was talking about last week are Wednesday and Thursday of this week.
I'm not too worried about it tho.
It's only one unit, not all three of them put together like the prelim.
We've been over what may come up in the tests and i'm fairly happy with it.


I didn't think i would have a lot to tell you guys about today but i do.


There's a guy in my Enlgish class who i barely talk to and we were put into the same group today for a task.
At some point i mentioned Muse (as i quite frequently do) and then we end up having this long discussion about Muse!

He's a pretty hardcore fan, not quite my level, lol, but he surprised me big time. He seen Muse way before i did, even way before i had heard of Muse he had heard of them. Back in 2006 he was at a concert!
I sure Hope we're doing the same task again tomorrow.


But it isn't Muse that is occupying my musical mind today.
I'll tell you who is :

Scissor Sisters


Really! They are what i'm listening to at the moment.

Specifically the song Take Your Mama.


Steven and Alex freaked when they seen that on my iPod.
"What the hell Rowan!?"
"Are you serious Rowan!?"

"Yes, deadly serious"

and they laughed at me.

"You know they're gay, right?"

"Yeh, so? That isn't going to stop me listening to a band"

They just gave me a whatever kind of look.

And then on the bus back home Alex jokes, "That can be our next concert, eh? Scissor Sisters!"

"I like them but i dont think i'd be going to one of their concerts" i told him.

He says "Yeh just loads of gay people there looking for some bum"


Suuuuuure.
Every single person at a Scissor Sisters concert just wants to hook up for sex like ALLLLL gay people do, dont they?
Pah.
How i would have loved to say that right to his face, with added sarcasm.
(Then tell him i am gay, punch him in the face and run off :P KO)


I just stared out the window and chose not to answer his remark.
What i usually do nowadays when someone brings up a gay comment, i just don't repsond to it.

Does it raise suspicion?
I don't know.

Nobody has said anything to me about it, so until somebody does i will keep on not responding to such comments.


Wow.
I never thought i would have wrote that much when i started. Things just kept coming.


School does seem to occupy me a lot,
I was definetely occupied today in school.
Not just by subjects and tests but i was thinking of JJ and Mike all day long.
About 2pm (British time) was when they would have got to school, and they'll still be there as i write this.

I hope things went ok....

I hope JJ sorted things out.

Won't know for a few hours yet i suppose, so i wait with anxiety and i leave you with Scissor Sisters.


Cheers,
Rowan




This song is just so awesome in my opinion.
Apparently it's about the lead singer coming out to his mum.
Some lyrics suggest this and some don't.

The lyrics about the wedding does.
And pretty much the whole second verse does.
It's the way i interprete the song anyway and i love it so much.
Here's the lyrics for you to make up your own mind :



When you grow up
Livin' like a good boy oughta
And your mama
Takes a shine to her best son
Something different
All the girls they seem to like you
Cause you're handsome
Like to talk and a whole lot of fun

But now your girl's gone a missin'
And your house has got an empty bed
The folks'll wonder 'bout the wedding
They won't listen to a word you said

[Chorus]
Gonna take your mama out all night
Yeah we'll show her what it's all about
We'll get her jacked up on some cheap champagne
We'll let the good times all roll out
And if the music ain't good, well it's just too bad
We're gonna sing along no matter what
Because the dancers don't mind at the New Orleans
If you tip 'em and they make a cut

Do it
Take your mama out all night
So she'll have no doubt
That we're doing oh the best we can
We're gonna do it
Take your mama out all night
You can stay up late
'cause baby you're a full grown man

It's a struggle
Livin' like a good boy oughta
In the summer
Watchin' all the girls pass by
When your mama
Heard the way that you'd been talking
I tried to tell you
That all she'd wanna do is cry

Now we end up takin' the long way home
Lookin' overdressed wearin' buckets of stale cologne
It's so hard to see streets on a country road
When your glasses in the garbage
And your Continental's just been towed




Love you guys :)

Something is wrong

Hey guys im posting this from my ipod at 11:30pm so i hope you can see how urgent this is. So excuse grammar/spellung errors etc.


JJ had to go urgently to hospital this evening, without any warning.


He was talking to me for the past hour and he told me he wasnt feeling well. Then he said he threw up then he said he threw up again and there was blood in it....

He called his mum who called an ambulance for him and literally 30 mins ago it arrived. His mum thinks it might be his appendix, i dunno i just hope he's ok.

Im honestly really worried for him right now i dont think im going to sleep much tonight. The conversation on msn was frightening. Being thousands of miles away knowing i cant do anything to help (and thts still the case) but try and comfort him the best i could.

I dunno if he'll be admitted to hospital, need surgery, be back home soon this is all i know for now and probably all ill know for the next couple of days. What i do know is that his boyfriend, Mike, will be at the hospital with him as soon as he knows whats happene.


But now we all must try and help as much as we can so i ask, no actually, i plead that whoever reads this posts some sort of get well message on his blog.

Please guys i know it would really mean a lot to this very special guy.

Cheers,
Rowan

http://3jhome.blogspot.com/



I dunno what else to say right now my mind is in overdrive.

Prelim News

I've been getting some results back from Prelims this week and thought i would let you all know how i'm getting on.

I still have two to sit tho, Media tomorrow and Biology on Monday.
Both will be tough but especially Biology as it's pretty much my weakest subject along with maths....not a sciency person me.

Anyway the results i have got back so far have all been A's.

Good times.

But i don't see them all remaining that way unfortunately.
We can't all be perfect.

So here's what i've got back so far


Spanish : Reading - 22/30
Listening - 16/20
Writing - 20/20
Speaking - 30/30

Giving me 88/100 so overall i got 88%!


Music : Listening - 31/40
Performance - 43/60 (the music playing back in October)

So it gives me 74 out of 100 - 74% (Just an A)


Modern Studies i only got back today and they handed it out each section at a time, i did pretty bad on the first section and i was dreading the next two papers but i made up for it and got 79% overall!

British Parliament - 16/26 Boo!
Crime and Law - 23/24 Yay!
America - 16/20 Meh!

So that's 55 out of 70 - 79%


Gor French back as well but not all of it. I've done well so far tho.

Writing - 20/20
Speaking - 30/30

Listening was awful. I made two dreadful mistakes. I mistook the word "trois" as the number 2 when in fact it is 3....
Gah.
Would have given me two extra marks to my abysmal 13/20.
15/20 is what i really should have got at least.

But that just leaves me to wait for my reading results which i'm sure won't be too bad.
So far i have 63/100 but that means i only need about 10 marks out of 30 in the reading to secure an A. Something i am quite confident of. :)


Something i am not confident of tho is maths.
God awful.
I sat it a few days ago and i really didn't get much sleep so i was tired and im not even good at maths when im not tired!
To be honest, i think i might have failed it.
The papers were difficult and the teacher said today that she was happy overall but there are concerns over a few individuals. Surely me.

I was definetely not expecting an A in all subjects.
I have 3, probably 4 A's already so i can't be too displeased, i'm doing ok.

So i have to wait for the last bit of French. Then English and Maths and then Biology and Media which i haven't sat yet.
So final results may not be for a couple of weeks.


Anyway, i divert attention away from my tests and onto something else.
A new blogger.
A special new blogger.

JJ.

I talked about him a few days ago and told you i was talking with him a lot on MSN, and i still am.

He's got his own blog now after many of us were going way off-topic on RB's discussion pages. (Sorry Tristan)

It is : http://3jhome.blogspot.com/
The name of his blog is JJ's Yacky Box, a great name in my opinion!

Please go and visit him, say hi, link to him, follow him etc.
He's so sweet and awesome and he deserves it.
So go ahead....make his day.....punk.

:P

Cheers,
Rowan

P.S I've recieved a few more followers in recent days so i just want to thank everyone, old and new, for reading my blog!
And also thanks for all your comments, especially over the past couple of days, they've all been real supportive and it means alot to me. Love you all!

Week Recap (50th post!!!)

50th post woo!

:P

This week for me was, as expected very busy, eventful and amazing!

Don't worry, i'll explain.


Tbh, it wasn't as busy as i expected it to be, it was busy enough but i still had the time to come on the computer etc.
But i thought i would leave it all for one big post.

So, on Monday i had my first prelim.
In Music.
Had to get there early so me and Alex arranged for his mum and my dad to taxi us to school each day coz the bus can be unreliable sometimes.

But the Music prelim wasnt really a proper test. It was more like, "Let's just get this out the road, eh?"
So, i did my test working on a hardback book resting on a xylophone :P
As i said, not really a test.

But i learned most the stuff and from the attitude the teacher took, we all did fine.

Good times. :)


Tuesday brought about French.
This is where it started, Music was like a preparation to settle into the week but French was full on.
Not that i had any problems as it is one of my best (although disliked) subjects. Found no problems with the reading paper, listening paper or my writing piece.
The listening was the toughest really, but nothing major, so all good in the French department.

Spanish on Wednesday was the same. One of my best but hated subjects and i don't think anything went wrong.

Thursday and Friday were the most challenging days tho. They saw the prelims in Modern Studies and English, if you don't study for them, you're in trouble.
So Wednesday and Thursday night i studied like a madman.
And it is difficult to gauge how well i think i did in both.
You can tell with languages but you can't really with these two.

They both pretty much consisted of writing for 2 hours non-stop, that was quite something!
I finished both papers which is good but i doubt i got full marks or anything.
Modies looked at subjects like British Parliament *yawn*, Crime and Law in Society and American Culture so i needed to know my stuff there and i answered all the questions but i still dunno how the results will be.

English consisted of writing two essays. One Prose (a novel) and one a poem.
My prose was Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (i book i find i can very much relate with) and my poem was To a Mouse by Scottish poet Robert Burns. *yawn*

Jekyll and Hyde essay went very well i think, wrote non-stop. But i was a bit more hesitant on To a Mouse and i think i started rambling a bit. (Like right now :P)

But anyway, in terms of tests last week, they went very well.
Although on Friday i woke up feeling dreadful but i knew i had to go into my Prelim so i grinned and beared it. Went home straight after and went to bed. I'm better now tho.


Well thats all for school and tests but there's something else that made my week very exciting.


Thats to say, the Discussion Page on "A Rent-Boy Named..."

It started on January 18th actually.

On the FAQ page, a poster named JJ started having a discussion with one of the site's most known readers...G.


I didn't think anything of it first (i wasn't spying on them lol, i usually read most comments posted)
But then JJ revealed he was 13, and everything halted.


13. Wow.

I thought i was the youngest RB reader! lol.

Nah, thats not it.

G suggested they move to the discussion page and this is where i disappeared for a few days for studying.
I returned to find G asking on the page if i would like to talk to JJ, and of course, i obliged.
This was after some misunderstandings between people but then it sorted itself out.

The reason for my last post was to let JJ get my email address and i was delighted when i got an email from him.
The whole reason for these emails was that JJ was able to ask me questions tht he didn't want to ask adults.
And boy did he ask!
I'm not the best person for asking advice but i think i did myself proud on answering JJ's questions.
He said i explained as well as G! And if you know what G sometimes says then wow!
That made my day when he said that.

So the emails went back and forth for a couple of days last week and i suggested MSN to him, which he didn't really know about but then his....special friend, (M, we shall call him) helped him out and i stayed upto 3AM on Saturday morning talking.
But man, it was worth it. JJ and M are great guys.
That doesn't even say enough.

They are special.

They have found each other at such a young age, and they both know that each other is gay and i don't doubt that they will have many years together.
So i was talking to them again last night and got a little teary thinking about alot of things.

That is - With all the hatred in the world, all the killing and wars, if there is a God, how can he let that happen?
But then you see something like these two boys finding each other in a small town and it makes you happy. You thank God for things like that i guess.
It made me happy anyway. The relationship between the two is just....phenomenal. I hope it never ends.

It makes me happy that they have found each other coz they can be open as they like.
And at the same time, it makes me sad coz i don't have anyone like that i can speak to.

But one day, i will move away from where i live in now. (it's not too bad, but i don't really like where i live)
And go somewhere else.
I've always thought about returning to California coz i remember it well from when i went there on holiday....

Anyway, that's a wrap people.

Thank you if you have read this far, i know i have typed a lot.

Cheers,
Rowan


This song sums up my week in a nutshell. It's a lovely song and fits perfectly with the week i had.
Hope you like it.